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To all parents, please help.
glamfairydust
64 replies47 threads Junior Member
Hi.
My parents are having second thoughts about sending me to the school of my dreams because it is too far away from home. They don't think I'm responsible or mature enough to survive on my own. Any advice/tips on what I can say to ease their minds and convince them to let me do this? Any kind of help is appreciated. Thanks
15 repliesMy parents are having second thoughts about sending me to the school of my dreams because it is too far away from home. They don't think I'm responsible or mature enough to survive on my own. Any advice/tips on what I can say to ease their minds and convince them to let me do this? Any kind of help is appreciated. Thanks
Post edited by glamfairydust on
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Replies to: To all parents, please help.
If you lay the proper groundwork then when your kid goes out into the world they will make the right decisions. The problem arises that at the age of 18 you do not necissarily have all the skills needed to make the right decisions for yourself. Some of those wrong decisions can cost you your future.
If you keep an openline ofcommunication with your parents and tell them that when faced with an important issue, you will come to them for advice, then they should let you go. They are not going to be around you 24/7 forever and they need to know that you can make the right choices or maybe the wrong onees but that you will trust their advice.
I think it is important for you to go where you want and where you can get in becuase you don't want the future to be full of regret.
Just curious, wher do you live and where do you want to go?
The worst thing you could do is to throw a temper trantrum. Keep your cool. I think your parents are afraid they'll miss you too much if you should go too far away. My daughter had an aspiration of going to Stanford. When she was a sophmore, it sounded very exciting to both of us. But as time came closer I really didn't want her to go so far away. Luckily, it was not an option. I would have let her go, but I think she was relieved not to go so far away. It is bitter sweet for us parents.
By proactively showing that you are aware of what problems might occur and what resources are available to you to solve them, you'll be demonstrating a lot of maturity.
In the coming weeks and months really try to behave in a more responsible manner. Maybe you are pretty mature, but really think of areas where your parents think you need to improve. If you really want to convince them, it won't be through your words or arguments, it will be through your ongoing initiative and attitude. By being humble and asking them for guidance, you will really get their attention and respect.
First, take heed of the advice above. Second, research with your parents all the resources available for students on-campus, and discuss with your parents what you will need to know: how to manage your money, how to handle travel, buying things online (if you have not done before), phones and phone bills, etc... Remind your parents that you do have 9 months to learn all this and that college is a great way to *gradually* learn to live independently of your parents.
Show that you are taking mature responsibility for learning the skills you will need. Show that you know how to ask for information when you need it.
She is now at Georgetown...2 hours away and for me its still too far. I used to cringe thinking about her going to a local school or a state school just down the road becuase they weren't good enough for her and didn't have the atmosphere we thought she should be in. Now I understand the parents who tell their kids they're not allowed to go far away. her best friend's dad told his daughter she was only allowed to look at colleges within a 4 hour drive as he would not want her any further. He couldn't bear the thought of her being too far away.
Honestly, this whole college adjustment has been harder on me than it has been on her. My whole world has been turned upside down and I am very lonely without her in my life. You have been our lives for 18 years and it is hard letting go.
Your parents still want to be parents and be close to you. If you play sports or are part of the college band or performing arts, they would want to still be able to come and see you play and if you're across the country that's not always going to be possible.
Your dream school sounds like their nightmare. Perhaps you could find just as good a school close by as there are many good schools in all parts of the country. It sounds like you are very lucky to have such caring parents that they don't want to see you go too far.
Could you tell us more about why they might feel this way? Are there specific things you can think of that might give them pause about letting you go far away? Have you made some mistakes that might cause them to have hesitations?
I think before we can give you advice, we need to know more about your parent's side of the story. Often, what seems unfair to one party in a story makes some sense when all points of view are heard. So, fill us in on why your parents might feel you are not yet mature enough to go far from home. Then we can offer some advice on what you might do to not only convince them you are ready, but to actually get ready.
I am going to venture an opinion here. This is not about us. Yes, it can be very, very difficult. Yes, we can hate it! But, it is not about us. Just as most of us would step in front of a bus if we had to to save our kids, perhaps we should consider that we can also handle the pain of separation if that is what is best for our kids. End of editorial.
That said, there can be reasons to be concerned about distance that go beyond parental emotions. One could be the maturity that is addressed in the posts above. I would suggest that all parties get busy with helping a prospective college student learn the skills needed for independence, regardless of that student's ultimate location. Another is financial. Air travel between our home and our son's school is expensive. When he was considering this school, we spelled out for him exactly how many times a year we would be able to pay for him to fly home. Beyond that, if he wanted to come home, he would have to find a ride or the money to fly home. In addition to it being a financial reality for us, I saw this as one of the tests to see how serious he was.
I don't intend that this is an inclusive list, but these are the things that occur to me at present.
As always, YMMV.
On the other hand, you could be totally correct. In which case, the only advice is for you to talk to your parents. Find out their concerns. See if there is a way to instill confidence in them for you. Obviously, arguing and "Acting" like a teenager won't help, so keep that in mind when you discuss this with them. Maybe you can find a compromise with them. Maybe you can convince them to allow you to attend the first semester as a trial. If you maintain a 3.0gpa or above, don't have problems, are involved with activities, sports, clubs, etc... then you can stay. if you are having grade issues, calling home all the time, whining, having problems, etc... then you'll transfer to a different school later. That is just one suggestion.
Also, realize that you still have 4-5 months to lock yourself into a college. Maybe you can work something out with your parents in the next few months to make them feel more confident. Also, this is a stretch, but there could also be a financial issue involved. Many parents don't tell their kids when there's financial issues involved. Maybe the school that is closer is a lot cheaper and they are using the other excuse as a reason. I'm not saying any of this is the reason. I'm just pointing out that you need to communicate with your parents. The only thing they can hold over you is paying for college. If you want to go to Harvard or Yale and your parents say "NO", that doesn't mean "NO". There are plenty of people who have worked their own way through college. When you graduate high school, you are probably 18 and as such an adult. If you play that card, they will see that maybe you are responsible and mature. Be very careful however. They may just call you on it and say; "Fine, you want to go to xyz university; do it on your own". Be very careful how you play this. Good luck.
Additionally, in some cases, the underlying factor isn't fear that the student isn't ready, or that the parents aren't ready to let their child go away, but rather FINANCIAL. Some parents are embarrassed to admit to their kids that they can't pay for certain schools. So, you need to ask them directly if part of their concern may be financial. If it is, then you and your parents need to discuss financial aid and merit money possibilities as well.
But, I agree with Christcorp: Be very careful how you play this. LISTEN carefully to what your parents have to say, and ask a lot of questions. Then calmly and maturely discuss the different options. Once you have a fuller understanding of your parent's side, you may want to consider asking another adult, that both you and your parents trust (such as a counselor or teacher) to talk with your parents. Sometimes a non-biased third party can help parents and students work things out. Good luck!