I liked both essays. You are a good writer. However, I would not dwell too much on the word 'ignorance' as much as you did in the short essay.
"My ignorance comes from not knowing how much more I can learn; how fine a journalist I can be."
I don't understand it either. How about making it a positive message.
How about:
"I would like to explore myself as an individual and look at areas where I think I need reinforcement; for example, my shyness which tends to overcome me at times. I would like to think that there is no limit to what I can do when I am determined to do it."
Then the last few sentences after that make sense. I would remove the words 'my very worthy' from the last sentence. You should let your readers determine if it is a very worth goal.
The last sentence of your long essay does not make sense. It needs more explanation.
Well, I take that back; it makes sense but it would be nice if you could be more explicit.
One more comment about the short essay:
"I know that, for the sake of my conscience, I will do everything in my power to accomplish my very worthy goals."
I don't understand why it is for the sake of your conscience. I would just remove the entire sentence. It does not add anything of value to the essay.
Anyway, good luck, you are a good writer and I liked your essays!
Good luck Andrew..its really hard to get in from out of state so make sure you pick a lot of other schools as its tough to get in. You do have an advantage being male but unless you have a hook you will really need to bump up that SAT alot.
My hook (hopefully they like it) is that I'm a liberal activist from the third most Republican state in the country. I know my SAT doesn't set me apart but hopefully I've done enough and written quality enough essays to at least get a second look.
I dont want to discourage you. I will just say my D. had exceptional grades, and activities including volunteer activities and they told her the best supplemental material they had seen and a strong art hook..
she got waitlisted. They did tell her she would have been in, instate..
Regardless she is happy where she landed and so am I.
I think you will really have to overwhelm them with something.
I do know that one boy with much less academic credentials than her got in BUT he had a major hook..he was an exceptional athlete...
PS when they mentioned where the boy was going in the paper..he said he had no intentions of graduating there..and couldnt play with either due to an athletic injury
Yeah, I put my chances somewhere around 10-15% at best. You never know, though. Just holding out hope.
PS, where are you from? I'm also hoping that even though I'm out of state, the fact that I'm from Idaho will help me. I mean, how many apps do they get from here, every year? Can't be too many, I hope.
The second essay was good, but it fades towards the end. In the last sentence, you are kind of vague. Ending on a high note is really important, so you might want to reword those last few sentences.
Sadly I think they count the SAT's more than the essay so definately take the tests again and a prep course. Your scores would be fine for instate but for out of state ..they need to be beefed up..sorry.
Replies to: My two UNC Chapel Hill Essays:
"My ignorance comes from not knowing how much more I can learn; how fine a journalist I can be."
I don't understand it either. How about making it a positive message.
How about:
"I would like to explore myself as an individual and look at areas where I think I need reinforcement; for example, my shyness which tends to overcome me at times. I would like to think that there is no limit to what I can do when I am determined to do it."
Then the last few sentences after that make sense. I would remove the words 'my very worthy' from the last sentence. You should let your readers determine if it is a very worth goal.
The last sentence of your long essay does not make sense. It needs more explanation.
One more comment about the short essay:
"I know that, for the sake of my conscience, I will do everything in my power to accomplish my very worthy goals."
I don't understand why it is for the sake of your conscience. I would just remove the entire sentence. It does not add anything of value to the essay.
Anyway, good luck, you are a good writer and I liked your essays!
she got waitlisted. They did tell her she would have been in, instate..
Regardless she is happy where she landed and so am I.
I think you will really have to overwhelm them with something.
I do know that one boy with much less academic credentials than her got in BUT he had a major hook..he was an exceptional athlete...
PS, where are you from? I'm also hoping that even though I'm out of state, the fact that I'm from Idaho will help me. I mean, how many apps do they get from here, every year? Can't be too many, I hope.