I'm 36 years old, almost 37. After losing my dream job my behavioral health issues overtook me and I wound up moving home. I started in community college, took remedial classes, failed a few times due to health, but eventually graduated with two certificates and two associates degrees. I had a 3.3gpa, got into my uni of choice and the highly competitive major of my choice.
Unfortunately, 2018 was the gift no one wanted and it just keeps on giving. My treating psychiatrist left the medical group and a temp replaced him. The temp said I didn't have ADHD inattentive, tried to take me off my meds. I fought it, he was replaced by another doc that crap talked other docs. She too wanted to mess with my meds because stigma. If she talked that way about other doctors, what would she write about me if I didn't agree to do things her way. So I went on the med she wanted, had a break two weeks before community college finals. Went back on Adderall, crammed 16 weeks into two weeks, graduated, and collapsed. She took me off Adderall again and back on the other med. She then said, "My contract is up, my replacement will give you Adderall when school starts if you need it."
My first semester at Uni started and there was no doc. I tried everything within my power to get a new doctor and my meds. I finally got a new psych 2 days after finals and got the full and correct treatment on Jan 10th.
I dropped one class due to medical, rode the other three out. Did not pass one. But I did my best, it just so happens that discrete math without meds is a bit much. Now I'm going through retroactive removal of that grade.
However, since I had no GPA at the uni, and I failed a class I fell below a 2.0 and am on academic probation—punishment for being an irresponsible and bad student. This includes six hours a week of mandatory study hall where I can sit and think about what a failure I am, surrounded by others. That's 6 hours I don't get to be in the campus LGBTQIA+ space feeling safe.
I am transgender, I have diagnosises of social anxiety, complex PTSD, generalized anxiety with occasional panic, autism, and adhd inattentive. I also have major depressive disorder and severe dysthymia, which is like... Yo dawg we heard you were depressed, so we put depression in your depression so you can be depressed while you're depressed. Without my meds I have impaired executive function including failing memory. Yes, I have accomodations.
I asked about getting let off of study hall and got a really condescending, "If I let you off I would have to do it for others too because fairness." This even though my mental health will assure I get nothing done there, to which I'm told I didn't get anything done last time which is why I'm on probation. (No actually that's not the case with me maybe I should chosen to not be born with health disorders and not be abused as a child.)
So now I'm really depressed and anxious that if I don't succeed I'm going to get dismissed. I get to ruminate for six hours a werk on wh6a failure I am as punishment for not having access to my meds.
I'm ready to drop out over all of this. I don't know what to do anymore. Help.