binx4229 replies89 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
Guess I'm a capital H. 6 of 9. I can answer at least "sometimes" to almost all.
1. yes. (We were overseas; she attended a foreign school. No help from anywhere else, and not on any mailing lists.)
2. yes. Had to make sure her foreign classes would transfer.
3. no. Although does "you need to quit joining so many activities" count?
4. no.
5. yes, at teacher's initiative. (D was taking music theory placement test, so teacher suggested we talk while she did that)
6. yes. why is this a problem? Some of it was even addressed to "parent of"
7. editor in chief (My kid's a great writer; this wasn't a difficult job. She's also smart enough to know that extra eyes help.)
8. no
9. she's never had a real job. Does it count if I'm the one who suggested she should teach violin and helped her place the ad?
I do think it's ironic how many parents are on this college-geared forum who "never" have anything to do with their kids.
MidwestMom2Kids_6345 replies328 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
1. Do you search college websites for your child? YES or NO
Well, yes, I love looking at college websites with both of my two kids in mind.
2. Do you have a strong influence over the courses your child takes? YES or NO
I wish! My suggestions are sadly generally ignored. My daughter always ends up with a good and very strong schedule, just not the one I would have recommended.
3. Do you play the lead role in planning your child's activities? YES or NO
I am planning on my son taking fencing lessons. He is not planning to take fencing lessons. Stay tuned. I guess the answer here is no, though. I tend to wish I had more influence in planning the kids' activities, especially if I could plan more enriching activities and fewer hours of Rock Band and Guitar Hero for my son. (Is there a thread somewhere on video game scholarships?)
4. Are you planning to prepare your child for campus interviews? YES or NO
The guidance counselor gives them prep info so hubby and I don't need to, although I did tell my daughter to have a positive attitude during her interviews. Does that count as prep?
5. Do you plan on directly contacting faculty or coaches? YES or NO
No way.
6. Do you review the publications colleges send to your child? YES or NO
Well, yes, I love looking at college publications with both of my two kids in mind!
7. Are you planning to write your child's application essays? YES or NO
No, BUT I hope to read them all for both kids before the "send" button is hit to be doubly sure that any application to College X doesn't say "and that is why I want to go to College Y". My daughter has definitely re-used pieces of applications over and over, and I heard about this common blunder at more than one college information session. I actually feel lucky that they are willing to let me read them and offer helpful suggestions; I know some of my friends' kids won't let their parents read their essays.
8. Do you meet with the high school counselor without your child present? YES or NO
No, that would be, ummm, wierd.
9. Have you helped your child find a job? YES or NO
No - but I'm sure I would if asked.
By this test, I think I have some helicopter tendencies, but I'm not too bad. (Hope I'm not in denial!)
1. Do you search college websites for your child?
2. Do you have a strong influence over the courses your child takes?
3. Do you play the lead role in planning your child's activities?
4. Are you planning to prepare your child for campus interviews?
5. Do you plan on directly contacting faculty or coaches?
6. Do you review the publications colleges send to your child?
7. Are you planning to write your child's application essays?
8. Do you meet with the high school counselor without your child present?
9. Have you helped your child find a job?
1.Yes, but not FOR my child. Rather, for my own curiosity. I have always expected her to do her own college-related research ... but when she failed to do that properly and on time, I did pointed out to her, that the info is there for her: "Just go on their site, for heavens sake!".
2. Yes and No. I tried to, but the influence have never been too strong (remember my long musings about lack of science courses? )
3. No. I used to (when she was in elementary school ). However, for the health reasons, I insist she includes some physical activitiy in her weekly schedule. Not that I succeed in it either ...
4. Maybe I would, if only I knew how. I gave her the books to read and even marked the pages ... but I doubt she will find the time to do it. So ... probably, No.
5. No more. I did schedule, however, some trial music lessons and appoitments with music faculty for her last year, before coming for the college trip.
6. Yes, just out of curiosity ... and mostly those I manage to grab on their way to the trash can. The ones from the colleges she is interested in, go straight to her room and "sink" there ... somewhere.
7. NO WAY. I offer her help in proofreading and get to see the final version, thoroughly polished and ready to submit. But she does take an advice in editing her work, if I see and show her the need of it.
8. No. Never met him/her. Forced my D to have an appoitment with her GC this fall (as a senior). Otherwise, she would never meet her/him, too.
9. No. Once upon a time I suggested some good summer job opportunity for her and she did apply ... without success. Since then - nope, all the opportunities was found and taken by her sole initiative.
1. Yes
2. No, not nearly as much as I'd like! I had that influence in middle school, but in HS, she's made it clear that I can't make her take more math... so don't know if I should count that as a yes or no.
3. No, not since elementary school.
4. No; I never did any campus interviews myself, so I'm totally unqualified to help her prepare.
5. No; if D wants to contact a professor or coach, it's up to her.
6. Yes, and then we talk about them. I think that's a good way to get a sophomore thinking about college, which seems a long way off to her.
7. No way (D's a better writer), but I will proofread them for careless mistakes like mentioning college X in an essay for college Y...
8. Yes, once when there was a problem and I wanted some advice from the counselor before meeting with the counselor and D together.
9. No
3 or 4 out of 9, depending on how I count #2. I think there should be a scale like never, sometimes, often, always rather than just yes or no, and that questions like #7 should be weighted more than #6. Reading the information colleges send is constructive, writing essays destructive.
binx4229 replies89 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
There has been so much said about this topic that I mostly just shrug anymore. I am not sure that I agree with the questions. If I "helipcopter" by helping my D find colleges all over the country that fit her requirements, but someone else has nothing to do with the process except to say, you may not go more than 100 miles away, and I will not pay more than $x -- who is really more controlling over their kid's education?
Here are some questions I would write:
1. Excepting genuine financial concerns, have you limited your child's college search process in any way? [Exclude "guidance" comments, such as "have you thought about this?"]
2. Have you offered to get recommendations from YOUR friends in high places, who don't even know your kid?
3. Have you hired anybody to facilitate the process? [Note - I don't think this is bad. But for some reason, hired folks are given a pass to do things with our kids that are considered helicoptering when parents do it.]
4. Are your child's courses, volunteer activities, and ECs pushed by you, in order to get your kid into a "good" college?
5. Do you email your college kid "to do" lists?
6. Have you ever helped your kid with college coursework, or ever contacted a professor? [I know parents who do.]
7. Do you encourage your college kid to come home every weekend. [Again, I know folks who do.]
I guess, in thinking through "my" questions, that everyone sees helicoptering a bit differently. I'm betting that most parents don't see themselves as such, even when they are, including me. It's probably a good idea to step back once in awhile and do a self-check - Am I too involved? Am I involved enough? The pendulum swings both ways.
In our family, we talk quite a bit. We are comfortable with exchanging a great amount of personal information with each other. It would be really weird - to the point of coming across as not caring - if I had backed away from the college-ap process. Even now, my kids still call occasionally to ask our opinions about something. I'm happy they recognize that with age comes some experience, if not always wisdom.
But I'm a bit further along in the process now. The youngest is a college freshmen, one is a senior (graduating after 4 years, as expected) and one graduated several years ago and is gainfully employed. I am happy to report that all 3 attend(ed) colleges they are happy at, and two of them are apparently applying to grad schools. I say apparently because I am not involved. (Although one did email me his essay and ask for editing.)
So on my anecdotal evidence alone, I would say that my helping them through the college application process has not irrevocably harmed them in any way, and perhaps even helped. Don't mean to "protest too much" - just trying to reassure those in the process that there is no one-size-fits-all method to this, as in any other part of parenting. You know your kid; go with your gut.
Okay, I'm a student and I think like 1 of these (except maybe reading the schools' publications) makes you a helicopter parent. Mine don't do any of that, and if they did I think I would stress out. I like being able to make my own decisions and just having their support.
cangel4054 replies73 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
>>8. Do you meet with the high school counselor without your child present?<<
At my kids' high school that is part of the process, particularly if the child is applying to very selective schools or is at the other end of the class and may have difficulties being accepted.
windy152 replies5 threadsUser Awaiting Email ConfirmationJunior Member
What would the name be for those who hire a professional to do all those things on the list? Like those services advertised on this site. A good parent?
standrews1343 replies22 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
I scored 4/9, but "meet[ing] the high school counselor without [our] child present" was at the request of the GC.
Question to parents with 2nd/3rd/nth kid going through the search/application process. Do you find yourself 'hovering' more or less than with the first kid going to college?
I have a Sr & a Soph and feel less inclined to be involved with the soph.
ahoo2u205 replies11 threadsRegistered UserJunior Member
Getting a child with a LD through public schools, you have to be a helicopter parent. I was worse, I was a kamikaze parent....annoyingly frequenting school offices to get accommodations etc. It's been quite a effort to intentionally back off.
My fear of being a copter parent, is that my student would remain immature and passive allowing me (or others) to do the work of overcome life's obstacles. But it hasn't been so. Being an assertive parent, does not always mean, weak child. There's an important factor of timing here too...knowing when to back off and stop being so involved, especially at college separation time. I don't think this is one size fit's all kids.
Being assertive on behalf of the student and modeling not getting overlooked and walked on, is very different from a parent asserting the parent's own agenda. D is now amazingly assertive on her own behalf or so I've heard. She confides and calls me several times a day (some days) still needing too much support...but it's support of her decisions and actions...not doing it for her. Never-the-less I am still working on the "you are competent and doing a great job (even without me)" so I'm greatful for sites like this one.
My scores 2 years ago with her high school was 6 of 9 and now (mid sophmore college) it's 3 of 9
1. Y --Y
2. Y --Y
3. Y --N
4. N --N
5. Y --N
6. Y --N
7. N --N
8. N --N
9. Y --Y
So...There's hope for us chopper parents yet.
P.S. And it really helps if the college is at least 3 or more hours away.
wis7514059 replies62 threadsRegistered UserSenior Member
Is there any place for wanna be helicopter parents- ie those whose children won't let them? Fantasy- yes, reality- no way. I liked binx post #29 list of questions. Does it count to e-mail your son to remind him to clean his microwave oven before you pick him up for winter break knowing you had to clean the turntable before you could pack it last spring (he was nowhere near packed when I arrived to move him out then and I helped in the interest of getting home)? Or does it only count if you get to see his room to know if he did?
Replies to: "COPTER QUIZ"...are you a Helicopter Parent?
1. yes. (We were overseas; she attended a foreign school. No help from anywhere else, and not on any mailing lists.)
2. yes. Had to make sure her foreign classes would transfer.
3. no. Although does "you need to quit joining so many activities" count?
4. no.
5. yes, at teacher's initiative. (D was taking music theory placement test, so teacher suggested we talk while she did that)
6. yes. why is this a problem? Some of it was even addressed to "parent of"
7. editor in chief (My kid's a great writer; this wasn't a difficult job. She's also smart enough to know that extra eyes help.)
8. no
9. she's never had a real job. Does it count if I'm the one who suggested she should teach violin and helped her place the ad?
I do think it's ironic how many parents are on this college-geared forum who "never" have anything to do with their kids.
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/405774-5-types-helicopter-parents.html
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/393147-helicopter-parents-npr.html
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/343339-high-school-supporting-us-helicopter-parents.html
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/334766-deans-cant-stand-helicopter-parents-but-they-hover-too-when-their-kids-apply.html
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/307874-wsj-helicopter-parenting-postcollege-plans-graduating-seniors.html
Ive done every question for other peoples kids except write their essays. But have never gotten over three for any kid.
Whats wrong when your alma mater recruits a teammate of your kid and you make sure they get the Honors College information?
Well, yes, I love looking at college websites with both of my two kids in mind.
2. Do you have a strong influence over the courses your child takes? YES or NO
I wish! My suggestions are sadly generally ignored. My daughter always ends up with a good and very strong schedule, just not the one I would have recommended.
3. Do you play the lead role in planning your child's activities? YES or NO
I am planning on my son taking fencing lessons. He is not planning to take fencing lessons. Stay tuned. I guess the answer here is no, though. I tend to wish I had more influence in planning the kids' activities, especially if I could plan more enriching activities and fewer hours of Rock Band and Guitar Hero for my son. (Is there a thread somewhere on video game scholarships?)
4. Are you planning to prepare your child for campus interviews? YES or NO
The guidance counselor gives them prep info so hubby and I don't need to, although I did tell my daughter to have a positive attitude during her interviews. Does that count as prep?
5. Do you plan on directly contacting faculty or coaches? YES or NO
No way.
6. Do you review the publications colleges send to your child? YES or NO
Well, yes, I love looking at college publications with both of my two kids in mind!
7. Are you planning to write your child's application essays? YES or NO
No, BUT I hope to read them all for both kids before the "send" button is hit to be doubly sure that any application to College X doesn't say "and that is why I want to go to College Y". My daughter has definitely re-used pieces of applications over and over, and I heard about this common blunder at more than one college information session. I actually feel lucky that they are willing to let me read them and offer helpful suggestions; I know some of my friends' kids won't let their parents read their essays.
8. Do you meet with the high school counselor without your child present? YES or NO
No, that would be, ummm, wierd.
9. Have you helped your child find a job? YES or NO
No - but I'm sure I would if asked.
By this test, I think I have some helicopter tendencies, but I'm not too bad. (Hope I'm not in denial!)
2. Do you have a strong influence over the courses your child takes?
3. Do you play the lead role in planning your child's activities?
4. Are you planning to prepare your child for campus interviews?
5. Do you plan on directly contacting faculty or coaches?
6. Do you review the publications colleges send to your child?
7. Are you planning to write your child's application essays?
8. Do you meet with the high school counselor without your child present?
9. Have you helped your child find a job?
1.Yes, but not FOR my child. Rather, for my own curiosity. I have always expected her to do her own college-related research ... but when she failed to do that properly and on time, I did pointed out to her, that the info is there for her: "Just go on their site, for heavens sake!".
2. Yes and No. I tried to, but the influence have never been too strong
3. No. I used to (when she was in elementary school
4. Maybe I would, if only I knew how. I gave her the books to read and even marked the pages ... but I doubt she will find the time to do it. So ... probably, No.
5. No more. I did schedule, however, some trial music lessons and appoitments with music faculty for her last year, before coming for the college trip.
6. Yes, just out of curiosity ... and mostly those I manage to grab on their way to the trash can.
7. NO WAY. I offer her help in proofreading and get to see the final version, thoroughly polished and ready to submit. But she does take an advice in editing her work, if I see and show her the need of it.
8. No. Never met him/her. Forced my D to have an appoitment with her GC this fall (as a senior). Otherwise, she would never meet her/him, too.
9. No. Once upon a time I suggested some good summer job opportunity for her and she did apply ... without success. Since then - nope, all the opportunities was found and taken by her sole initiative.
Am I a H/P?
2. No, not nearly as much as I'd like! I had that influence in middle school, but in HS, she's made it clear that I can't make her take more math... so don't know if I should count that as a yes or no.
3. No, not since elementary school.
4. No; I never did any campus interviews myself, so I'm totally unqualified to help her prepare.
5. No; if D wants to contact a professor or coach, it's up to her.
6. Yes, and then we talk about them. I think that's a good way to get a sophomore thinking about college, which seems a long way off to her.
7. No way (D's a better writer), but I will proofread them for careless mistakes like mentioning college X in an essay for college Y...
8. Yes, once when there was a problem and I wanted some advice from the counselor before meeting with the counselor and D together.
9. No
3 or 4 out of 9, depending on how I count #2. I think there should be a scale like never, sometimes, often, always rather than just yes or no, and that questions like #7 should be weighted more than #6. Reading the information colleges send is constructive, writing essays destructive.
Here are some questions I would write:
1. Excepting genuine financial concerns, have you limited your child's college search process in any way? [Exclude "guidance" comments, such as "have you thought about this?"]
2. Have you offered to get recommendations from YOUR friends in high places, who don't even know your kid?
3. Have you hired anybody to facilitate the process? [Note - I don't think this is bad. But for some reason, hired folks are given a pass to do things with our kids that are considered helicoptering when parents do it.]
4. Are your child's courses, volunteer activities, and ECs pushed by you, in order to get your kid into a "good" college?
5. Do you email your college kid "to do" lists?
6. Have you ever helped your kid with college coursework, or ever contacted a professor? [I know parents who do.]
7. Do you encourage your college kid to come home every weekend. [Again, I know folks who do.]
I guess, in thinking through "my" questions, that everyone sees helicoptering a bit differently. I'm betting that most parents don't see themselves as such, even when they are, including me. It's probably a good idea to step back once in awhile and do a self-check - Am I too involved? Am I involved enough? The pendulum swings both ways.
In our family, we talk quite a bit. We are comfortable with exchanging a great amount of personal information with each other. It would be really weird - to the point of coming across as not caring - if I had backed away from the college-ap process. Even now, my kids still call occasionally to ask our opinions about something. I'm happy they recognize that with age comes some experience, if not always wisdom.
But I'm a bit further along in the process now. The youngest is a college freshmen, one is a senior (graduating after 4 years, as expected) and one graduated several years ago and is gainfully employed. I am happy to report that all 3 attend(ed) colleges they are happy at, and two of them are apparently applying to grad schools. I say apparently because I am not involved. (Although one did email me his essay and ask for editing.)
So on my anecdotal evidence alone, I would say that my helping them through the college application process has not irrevocably harmed them in any way, and perhaps even helped. Don't mean to "protest too much" - just trying to reassure those in the process that there is no one-size-fits-all method to this, as in any other part of parenting. You know your kid; go with your gut.
At my kids' high school that is part of the process, particularly if the child is applying to very selective schools or is at the other end of the class and may have difficulties being accepted.
Question to parents with 2nd/3rd/nth kid going through the search/application process. Do you find yourself 'hovering' more or less than with the first kid going to college?
I have a Sr & a Soph and feel less inclined to be involved with the soph.
This doesn't belong here the right question is
Do you choose the college list for your child?
I check college websites but for my own knowledge and if I find something good I forward it to my D.
It is not hovering.
yay!
My fear of being a copter parent, is that my student would remain immature and passive allowing me (or others) to do the work of overcome life's obstacles. But it hasn't been so. Being an assertive parent, does not always mean, weak child. There's an important factor of timing here too...knowing when to back off and stop being so involved, especially at college separation time. I don't think this is one size fit's all kids.
Being assertive on behalf of the student and modeling not getting overlooked and walked on, is very different from a parent asserting the parent's own agenda. D is now amazingly assertive on her own behalf or so I've heard. She confides and calls me several times a day (some days) still needing too much support...but it's support of her decisions and actions...not doing it for her. Never-the-less I am still working on the "you are competent and doing a great job (even without me)" so I'm greatful for sites like this one.
My scores 2 years ago with her high school was 6 of 9 and now (mid sophmore college) it's 3 of 9
1. Y --Y
2. Y --Y
3. Y --N
4. N --N
5. Y --N
6. Y --N
7. N --N
8. N --N
9. Y --Y
So...There's hope for us chopper parents yet.
P.S. And it really helps if the college is at least 3 or more hours away.
It only counts if you drop in periodically to clean it for him