12-Year-Old Headed to Cornell University as a Student

Parents Forum
21

i’ve been thinking about this all lately: we know a kid who’s 14, just got a new car and a school permit and is driving to school . . . we know 2 kids taking calc and other college classes as freshmen . . . we know a girl (and if you watch Lifetime, she’s on “that show”) who is homeschooled so she can dance full time . . . and i read and hear about these kids going to college at age 12 . . .

and i’m just not sure i get it all. I feel like a part of their lives growing up is just being pushed aside and hurried. I hope it all works out for them, but i’m also slightly skeptical. Maybe i’d do the same if i had kids in these situations. ?? But i’ll never know!

22

Looking at your previous post your more about you and not the growth of your child. This I now feel sad for her

23

When I was in college, I became good friends with a young man who entered at 14. In fact, he was my physics tutor before we became friends. It’s true that he didn’t have any peers, but I thought of him as a younger brother (he was the same age as my actual brother) and kind of took him under my wing. We were both into the arts, so we went to concerts, exhibits, etc., usually with his parents in tow as he lived at home and his parents didn’t allow him out at night alone. I also involved him in some weekend activities with my friends, whom I knew would treat him with respect.

I know he would have liked to have had a larger social circle, but he hadn’t had a social circle when he was in middle school, either (skipped high school). He really loved his studies (physics and math double major) and often told me he would much rather be in college than in high school.

I would like to believe there are other students on campus with these younger students who will extend the hand of friendship and allow them to have some fun age-appropriate experiences. I think for some people, there is no perfect fit, and parents have to do what they think is best for their child(ren).

24

Well said!
I am sure the parents weighed other options but really there is no option other than to take like 3 or 4 gap years or online college.
They did the right thing by choosing Cornell and beautiful and somewhat isolated Ithaca. There he can pursue the outstanding education that he deserves mostly peacefully and safely.

25

I wonder what would happen to the OP kid too, and what happened to kids like him. I guess they become “normal” in their 20s, 30s, and beyond. Losing childhood is sad for anyone. The society doesn’t serve them well imo.

26

When I was in graduate school, I met a student who had started his Ph.D. in math at Princeton at 15. At 20, he took a faculty position at one of the SUNY schools. He did not get tenure so he left academia and became a computer programmer. Meanwhile, several other math students who were 21 or 22 when they started are now full professors at excellent research institutions. I wonder what would have happened if he had not been pushed ahead so quickly.

27

I suppose it’s natural to be curious about families such as this. Personally, I’ll do my best not to judge because frankly, I’m not in their shoes.

Just because it doesn’t fit nicely with our worldview, doesn’t inherently mean it welcomes our comment or judgment. I learned a humbling lesson when my SIL shared about the glares and rude comments she rec’d when trying to wrangle her autistic son who might be having a melt down in public. By appearances, he’s a 100% perfectly normal looking kid. But his melt downs could come w/o any warning and parents had to go into recover mode.

But if in public, both the spoken and unspoken castigation by others was almost assured. * But they weren’t the parent of an autistic boy.*

I’ve learned to not judge so quickly.

28

Our society, with its educational system that strictly groups students together on the basis of age, doesn’t serve kids with unusual educational needs well. I really don’t know what you should do with a kid like this. I’m glad I didn’t have to tackle the issue with my family.

29

What do you want this child and his parents to do? Keep him back for the next six years?

I think the parents are doing the best they can. They are moving to Ithaca with him. They will probably try to raise him as normally as possible and school will be school. It’s just a college instead of the public middle school. I don’t think attending college means he can’t hang out with or befriend kids his own age. He can still do sports with his age group, join boy scouts if that’s an interest and other activities. His freshman fall schedule seems very reasonable in terms of time commitment; he’ll have plenty of time to do other activities.

30

I’m not sure where people get the idea that this child was pushed. Kids like this are often pushing, and parents are running from behind to keep up. Different families come up with different solutions based on the child.

My own son began college classes at age 12 (began calculus at 12). Certainly he wasn’t ready for Cornell at age 12, but then my son was focused on so many non-curricluar activities such as chess, baseball, youth group, and music. For him, it made more sense to attend college part time for 5 1/2 years while doing lots of other stuff including high level competitions in math, physics and chess, as well as playing varsity baseball and working as a musician. We also didn’t want him moving across the country early (since we are in no position to move) He went to MIT at the “normal” age, and just graduated and got a job.

For other kids, it would be tortuous to have to wait so long for full time college, and they would be miserable choosing my son’s path. Some kids breath academics and they are happy doing so. This young man seems just lovely to me.

Viva la difference.

31

As far as what happens to “kids like these”, my friend went on to complete his PhD. He took longer to complete his degree than average because he was in no rush. He grew into a strikingly handsome adult, dated, and married. He had plenty of friends/peers by the time he reached grad school. He went into academia and is now a tenured professor/researcher, which was his goal all along.

Of course this is just one data point. He’s still nerdy by most people’s standards, but as far as I can tell, he’s having a fine life.

32

Regarding to pushing and pushed, and social interaction and all.

Mine has loved spending time on drawing, painting and sculpting. She needed at least a few hours on one setting and those children’s art classes were unbearable. She took 3~5 hours long adults sewing lessons from 7, and 2 hours long drawing lessons for high school students from 9. I found it online and showed her. She wanted so I sent the instructor her drawings asking for provisional admission.

By 10, it was apparent that she will benefit the most from community college art courses, according to my BFA wife. She put some of sculptors along with my wife’s paintings, when my wife had a small personal exhibition at a local college’s gallery. An art professor saw her sculptures and offered dd to take her art courses. (directly to her and not through me or my wife)

Daughter wanted to take the course, and perhaps some more. I arranged meetings. She assembled drawing and sculpture portfolio on her own, interviewed a VP of Student Affairs on her own, and got the registration approval. I just sat by.

Daughter was very challenged for the first time in her life with a beginning drawing course. She worked 20+ hours/wk for the course because she would get a B on any project that she put slight less effort. But she said she enjoyed it. She ended up being one of only a few who got an A on the class. She also completed U.S. History I and Ceramics I during the semester, and has taken 5 semesters full time load.

She took 6.5 hours long Saturdays Ceramics courses for all 5 semesters from one professor. It was her very favorite activity of all time, having a dedicated artists friends circle. Some were college aged. More were retired adults. It was her first true group social activity and had profound positive impact when she needed. Until she got older, around 12, she had difficulty connecting with most of age peers who often acted more immaturely than she could tolerate.

I did recommend her to take some GE courses because I wanted her to have somewhat rounded education. But all the courses were selected and decided by her at the end, with her own interest. And dropped by her when she felt needed. I gave her opinions and wisdom when asked.

Now she is 13 and and is entering a boarding high school in a month as a freshman. That’s how she decided to spend her teenage. She has her own life plan. Unlike when she was 11, now she has already developed hardworking study habit, which she would have lost if she has not been challenged enough. She also has foundation skills in art and continue her own art at any place. Now I feel safe to send her faraway.

Just another data point, to show what goes on a seemingly tiger dad’s mind.

33

As my mother would say, “freak.” :wink:

34

I agree that the parents of the kid in the original post are probably doing the best they can. It’s not going to be a typical college experience, but it wouldn’t have been a typical middle school or high school experience either because the 12 year old is not typical. He won’t be playing intramurals at college, won’ be signing up for the camping trip. That’s okay, not everyone does.

35

Well said @sbjdorlo!

36

Life is difficult for the highly gifted, such as this boy is. His “peer” group is so small he has few chances to meet any in his geographical area. Agemates are NOT the same as peers. Yes, they may be chronologically the same and physically at the same stages of development but intellectually they are very far behind. It is very hard to develop social skills when you have no one to relate to- most kids do not think at the same level.

Imagine yourself being forced to be with significantly retarded individuals and go at their pace, only talk and relate to them et al. This is what it is like for a highly gifted person to have to slow down and relate to most kids, even college bound ones. Very frustrating and socially isolating. Plus, those in the vast middle likely would make his life miserable- at least college students won’t.

The parents had some tough choices. I doubt they ever “pushed” their kid- they just did not hold him back. It is hard enough dealing with a middling gifted kid. Think square/round pegs/holes.

Time for parents to read the Gifted literature to better understand these kids. We do all sorts of things to accommodate the low end of the Bell curve, parents are mainly left on their own to deal with kids who need appropriate intellectual stimulation- there are no places to fill with numbers of equally highly gifted kids who are at the same stages of physical, emotional, social et al development to give them what most kids get. I do not see how holding kids back to be with similar age kids would help them.

There was a great poem about 10-20 years ago that lamented the plight. Think about it- would you have a stellar athlete run slowly just to be with the pack of agemates???

37

I had many of the same reactions when I first read this article a few days ago, but after further thought, I think that Ithaca is a good choice. It is a wonderful college town and many professors’ and staff members’ families live locally with children attending Ithaca HS. Perhaps he can become involved with children his own age in non-academic activities, even something like tutoring local middle school children.

38

I agree with the above. H and I visited the town and looked around the campus when our kid had gone off to his college (while still 16 the first months). Intellectually well above average college classmates, large enough campus to be anonymous and small town among other good fit attributes. I noted he will still be living with his family and have easy access to campus without his parents spending all of their time devoted to getting him places. They are lucky they can do that with their lives/jobs.

39

For a highly gifted person to view the rest of us as “■■■■■■■■” s/he needs to be gifted at most things in life. If a gifted person would run into trouble later in life, maybe it’s a better idea to work on her/his weak spots early on. Tough to be parents for sure.

40

“Imagine yourself being forced to be with significantly retarded individuals and go at their pace, only talk and relate to them et al. This is what it is like for a highly gifted person to have to slow down and relate to most kids, even college bound ones”

Oh, spare me.