2 Year Old Burned to Death Inside Hot Car

Parent Cafe
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<p>what is so similar in these cases, is that the parents are so busy, and so distracted by changes in patterns- lack of communication- that the child is last iin line of in the mind of the parents</p>

<p>repeating FOrget Forget FOrget hysterrically? wow, dead baby, shouldn’t bother to remind parents to NOT FORGET THEIR BABY IN THE CAR- </p>

<p>and I can distinguish the difference between a murderer and a negligent mother- interesting that being imcompetent leads people to feel sorry for the mom</p>

<p>Are these people so distracted by life, by what most people deal with just fine, that we should just go, eh, whatever, your baby fried to death in the back of your car because you and your husband didn’t have a discussion?</p>

<p>I have read articles about many of these cases of forgetful, confused parents and the patterns are the same- they had a change in routine resulting in a limp pulseless child</p>

<p>I get it…to me, it is unconsunable to forget your child, others see it as part of this modern life</p>

<p>I do not care whether these were working people or not, but again, look at the jobs these people had- managers, doctors, executives, people that have what many would consider comfortable lives- not living day to day, month to month, not having to worry about who will take care of their child, not worried about putting food on the table, not worried about shelter, not worried about taking their child to the doctor, working “normal” hours, (no night shifts that create lack of sleep), parts of life that cause more distraction, more stress, more confusion, then some simple change in routine</p>

<p>A change in routine caused these numerous people to forget their babies, lack of communication with spouses caused their babies to die</p>

<p>Why do some need to say, well, at least they didn’t rape the baby or burn in with cigs, to somehow say, well, this isn’t that bad</p>

<p>Apples and oranges</p>

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<p>Mythmom - look at it this way - at least no one has accused you of being indifferent to the death of a child. :)</p>

<p>Perhaps the reason I look at this somewhat differently than others is this: when I spoke with my wife about this issue last night, her immediate response was “You absolutely could have done that.” And she’s right. I’m one of those “focused on what I’m thinking about” - i.e. “absent-minded professor” types. My wife is always in touch with all the things surrounding our family (Thank God!), knows where our kids are, who their friends are, who their friends friends are, etc. at all times. On the other hand from time to time I find myself having walked into a room - and have no idea why I’m there.</p>

<p>So, yeah, I understand how a person could, with a minor change in routine, actually fail to remember that their baby is in their car when they lock it up and leave. It could have happened to me. For all of those who are sure this event never could happen to you - I don’t question that. But people come in all sorts of flavors, and I’m inclined to save society’s harshest punishments for those who intentionally do wrong. </p>

<p>On the other hand, Mythmom, I would know if I was driving the wrong way on the freeway.</p>

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<p>I see very little sympathy for the child in this thread, I agree. Even among the people who are advocating for the child, that is pretty secondary to bashing the mother. Perhaps I would understand the claims at “speaking for the child” if I heard just a few comments relating to the child that weren’t immediately preceded or followed by belitting the mother. Does it make you feel like a better mother? Congratulations.</p>

<p>Edit: mythmom, I think you left out a crucial part of that story - the man’s blood alcohol level was, what, twice the legal limit? He made a conscious decison. I am not saying I support the penalty, but it is a very different case.</p>

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<p>I agree with Mythmom. I think it’s the mother’s pattern of leaving the child in the car that made this incident possible. If it were something that she felt deeply about, like driving without a car seat, then it would have been in the front of her mind. If something is sometimes acceptable, it’s easier to let it slip your mind. I don’t think she deserves jail time, but I do think she should be prosecuted for some type of negligence, just as one would expect some prosection if a child drowned if accidentally left in the tub (answering the door, the phone, attending to another child). I think having to do some PSAs would be very helpful to society as a whole.</p>

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<p>The only possible good that can come out of this is other people being reminded to be more careful, however that has to come about. I have never forgotten my child, but am I sure I never could have under any combination of circumstances? I do think the pattern of leaving the child in the car seat, for instance, and staying out of sight for 10 minutes is a terrible practice that made this outcome more likely. But I do have to feel for everybody involved. Imagine waking up everyday remembering this and then having to live with it. And I’m sure everyone feels for the child’s suffering and the loss of this young life.</p>

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<p>“But I do have to feel for everybody involved. Imagine waking up everyday remembering this and then having to live with it. And I’m sure everyone feels for the child’s suffering and the loss of this young life.”</p>

<p>Exactly.</p>

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<p>“You could have done that.”</p>

<pre><code>And knowing that about you, I’ll bet your wife would have followed up with a call on the day that you were asked to break your routine and bring the baby to day care. “Did you remember to drop off the baby?” And you’d huffily answer, I hope, “Of course, I did” rather than “Oh my God…” dropping the phone.
</code></pre>

<p>A follow up conversation, a repetition of the instructions, a mental running through the list of things important to do that day (before it’s too late)…these are not too much to ask in the lives of busy parents. It is the very essence of their responsibility toward their children. That these steps weren’t taken is not necessarily criminal imo, but in the court of public opinion, we have a right to feel and express outrage at the death of these children. Only public outrage, not a quiet they’ve-suffered-enough compassion, is likely to bring about a widespread public awareness campaign to prevent more tragedies. Don’t we have a responsibility as a society to try to prevent them?</p>

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<p>I once asked my husband how he could go to bed at night without checking on each child to make sure they were safe and sound. His response was that he felt comfortable enough knowing that I was the one doing that. The problem with this couple was that neither put the child number one in their day. I’m sure my husband would have been capable of forgetting a child at home, in a car or on a soccer field. That didn’t make him a bad parent. But it did make ME make absolutely sure that SOMEONE was caring for that child. Nobody is a perfect parent. Including me. But the child has to be a priority, or why do they even bother having children?</p>

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<p>I’m with Kluge–these tragedies call for an invention --an alarm, flashing light,
–something connected to weight in the back seat, or turning off the ignition, opening the driver’s door, something. </p>

<p>Thinking of how this poor child suffered makes me physically ill.
But I am not for prosecution–this mother and her husband (and the child’s siblings, if any) will suffer for the rest of their lives. I know it is not possible to know another person’s state of mind–but I think assuming this woman is devastated (as 99.9% of mothers would be. . .) is a much safer assumption than supposing she could be one of the .1% of unfeeling monsters. I didn’t read about her habitually leaving the kid in the car (I don’t want to read more details about this case), but I think that is a very dangerous practice. </p>

<p>I suspect that babies being left in cars happens more often than anyone would care to admit. I have 7 kids, and twice I left a baby sleeping in a carseat. Once was on a winter evening when picking up my daughter from a dancing lesson–I was gone for less than 5 minutes, but I truly forgot that the baby was with me until I heard him crying as I returned to the car. Another time, on a warm fall afternoon, I went to get a license renewed. I entered the building and got in line. The person in front of me had a baby–OMG!–I remembered that I’d brought MY baby with me and ran back out to the car. She was still asleep, it wasn’t hot, I was gone less than 2 minutes, but OMG. Though it has been 8-10 years since these incidents happened, I remember them vividly. A friend of mine left her 5yo sleeping in the back of a hot van on my driveway. Fortunately the child woke up and was able to get out of the van. I have twice left kids (5, 8yo) home alone–for a few minutes–until we realized that the child wasn’t in the van with us. I’m a stay-at-home mom. Most of the time I’m thinking of nothing but my kids. But <em>I</em> did these forgetful/neglectful things. My fault. No excuses. And my friends regard me as overprotective, hypervigilant, safety conscious, etc.
(I don’t depend on H because he is absent minded).</p>

<p>In our town a woman was charged when her child died in a hot car–Mom was absorbed in playing video games and had a history of neglect. Another dad in my state was charged–two children died strapped in carseats while dad gambled and drank in a casino. He deliberately left them in the car.</p>

<p>In this case, I can see how, at the beginning of the school year, there is a lot of confusion, a change in routine, the mom could forget or think that she’d already dropped the child off. She’d been used to relying on someone else to care for her child while she was at work and wasn’t in the habit of having to think about the child during the work day–her habit was to depend on the caregiver. I am surprised that the babysitter didn’t call–but I don’t know the situation–and I wouldn’t blame her. It was a tragic lapse, the mother IS to blame, but I can understand how this could happen. IMO trying to punish her couldn’t make her suffer any more. Her marriage, career, and mental health could all be destroyed. </p>

<p>We need that device/alarm that will prevent these horrible accidents from happening every summer.</p>

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<p>The way I see it - the lapse was a momentary disconnect from reality. But she <em>couldn’t</em> rectify the lapse if she didn’t remember she had made it in the first place. Last week I showed up for a doctor’s appointment a week early (wrote it down on the calendar wrong - or so the office said). Should I have been told that I had weeks and weeks to get the appointment straight in my head? The initial mistake became the new reality and carried through in both cases. </p>

<p>I would venture a guess that the mom DID think about her child during the day - and even envisioned her safely at the babysitter’s house where she would pick her up later that day. That trip to the sitter’s was one that she made dozens of times (Slaby normally took her daughter to the sitter’s every day and her H took the older D to school). Her brain may have confused all those other times with the day in question. And no, that was not a good thing, it was a tragic lapse. </p>

<p>As to the criticisms of the mother for not calling the sitter, all we know is that she didn’t call on THAT day, a very hectic one of meetings the day before the opening of school- not a routine day . Even a working mother who is <em>quite</em> naturally communicative might have a busy day where she knows that the sitter will call if there’s a problem. </p>

<p>Also, the sitter has stated that she didn’t call because there were a few occasions when the H (NOT Slaby) had forgotten to do so when the child was in his care that morning and didn’t call to tell her until much later. </p>

<p>Nevertheless, I totally agree with those who say that the pattern of leaving the child in the car could very well have contributed to what happened here. And, IMO, the state of Ohio is also partially to blame for its nonexistent laws on the subject. Of course, most of us don’t need laws to compensate for common sense -it becomes completely instinctual and a habit to turn around and get the baby <em>every</em> time we leave the car. Also , as I suspected, the carseat was directly behind the driver’s - a blindspot in many cars these days due to much higher headrests. Had she been in the middle position I have no doubt she would have been seen. Something for parents to consider as well. </p>

<p>I do agree about the need for a high profile public service campaign on this issue; to me, wanting to prevent any further deaths lke this one is motivation in and of itself.</p>

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<p><a href=“http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=ed669005-c3e5-41b3-8842-355eeaf1c9f8[/url]”>http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=ed669005-c3e5-41b3-8842-355eeaf1c9f8&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I’m quite amazed by the turn this thread has taken. I also can imagine how this could happen. I’m also forgetful and don’t follow up on important details. But if I’m responsible for getting something important done then I AM responsible and the results of my irresponsibility could be disastrous. Just saying I forgot might not cut it, depending on the importance of the circumstances (a child’s life? what could be more important?) There is no question that the death of a child would be absolute torture every day. To know that you yourself were responsible would be unbearable pain. That being said, negligence IS a crime and there are all kinds of similar circumstances that this case would be prosecuted differently. I agree that jail time might not be the way to go, but that would be up to a judge and jury to decide. We can all have our opinions, but most cases are not tried in the “court of public opinion” and there ARE laws set up so that “accidents” and negligence ARE punishable and should be brought to trial for judge and jury to decide. The remorse of the mother would make it likely that there would be no jail time, but surely that remorse is reserved for sentencing, not trial.</p>

<p>What if someone had stolen the car not realizing there was a baby inside? He would not only be punished for theft, but also some form of manslaughter, even though he had no knowledge of the baby, he would be RESPONSIBLE, and that is the key. The mother was responsible for the child. The child died under tragic circumstances and the mother will likely suffer the rest of her life. But she WAS responsible for the child! No one else! That means that the baby (2 years old!!) depended on the mother to feed him, clothe him, protect him, etc. This child was BURNED ALIVE in a hot car! Screaming with hunger and thirst and anxiety! “Mommy! Mommy!” had to be the screams for hours, until he was finally too weak and succumbed to conditions beyond his control. But NOT beyond the mother’s control.</p>

<p>Never mind $10 million (and a child’s life is surely worth millions if we were to use such crude parameters) but what about $10 thousand? What if the husband asked his wife to drop off the bag of yesterday’s receipts at the ban after work because he couldn’t get there that day. Wouldn’t a bag of $10 thousand been on her mind SOMETIME during the day, even though it was not part of her routine?</p>

<p>We ARE responsible for our actions, no matter how fair or unfair the punishment might be. The drunk young man who was convicted of killing two people (young and old) IS responsible for driving the wrong way, but how is his being drunk any more or less of an excuse then “out of my routine?” This young man absolutely regrets what he did, but how is life imprisonment justified in this circumstance? There ARE analogies between these two cases.</p>

<p>We can be incredibly compassionate but that may or may not have anything to do with responsibility, whether we like it or not. This child suffered an unspeakable death that lasted hours and hours which must have seemed like an eternity. This IS a crime that might not deserve jail time, but why would we prosecute people for leaving their dogs in the car? Is there really such a difference between doing something on purpose and … forgetting? </p>

<p>Intent would have an affect on sentencing, but not necessarily if it were a crime or not.</p>

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<p>I’m having a problem with most of her statements immediately following the incident: excuses–“I got out of my routine” “that’s what messed me up -stupid donuts” “You just try to be everything to everybody” (patting herself on the back for being such a great gal?) in addition to concern about HER future and how SHE will cope: “I just want to go away” “I can’t face anybody ever again” “I hope I can go on–how can you forgive yourself?”</p>

<p>Keep in mind that these statements are within a short time after she found her child in such a horrible condition. Is it natural to be looking for reasons why it happened and looking to one’s OWN future at that time? Something strikes me as a little off in her reaction. And to those who say we can’t come down hard on her and shouldn’t judge–of course we can. SHE and SHE ALONE is responsible for her own child’s death. To me the people who are loathe to do so are the ones off the mark. There should, at minimum, be some sort of prosecution for negligence. I also think that socio-economic class does play a part in people’s reactions to many of these cases.</p>

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<p>yes, we have all forgotton something, but as you will see, in most cases of the adults remembered in a few minutes</p>

<p>yes, we have all lost our kids at the mall or park, but we immediately go into action</p>

<p>have we forgotton about our child for hours on end not giving them a second thoug</p>

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<p>I have only just taken the time to read through most of the posts on this thread. </p>

<p>I agree with those who’s assertion is that the basic problem here is that, in all too many cases, children find themselves way, way down the list of priorities. There IS such a thing as being too consumed with life/work/activities, if that focus results in harm to, or (horribly) the death of a child.</p>

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<p>What I have been trying to say, rather ineptly, is that as everyone says “put yourself in the position of the mother”, wouldn’t you be suffering?</p>

<p>I’m sure I am not the only one who has been suffering since starting to read this thread. The last couple of nights I have been startled awake with flashbacks to stupid memory lapses I had when the kids were younger, or errors in judgment, or too much faith in ‘guardian angels’ or whatever. I’m sure this ‘brain clog’ that mother had is causing plenty of suffering, sadness and grief, certainly in her community and family, but also in people who read about it and think “there but for the grace of God go I”. It’s the stuff of nightmares.</p>

<p>But. I still say there is a wrong note in her Requiem. As several people pointed out (including me) there still seems to be something strangely self-involved in her lamentation.</p>

<p>So, how would I feel if I were the mother? If I did some stupid thing that caused the death of my child, I would have to plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and put myself at the mercy of the law and my community. That could be the only atonement, at least for me. Sounds crazy, but you have to heal not just yourself but your community. Taking the responsibility, with your head low, serves your dead child better than a million excuses you make for yourself.</p>

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<p>I want to thank all those for your encouraging words, including several really appreciated PM’s. </p>

<p>I want to address some points. </p>

<p>First, I have always been a working mom; no argument there. </p>

<p>Second, I don’t care that the woman has a Mercedes. I don’t resent her for that, whether it’s new or old. </p>

<p>Third, and perhaps more important, I don’t think there’s one person on this thread who does not feel for the death of the child. I certainly never meant to imply that those who disagree with me have any less regard for the well-being of children or less sadness over the tragic fate of this one child.</p>

<p>Fourth, I have no quarrel with those who disagree with me. People of insight and good will often disagree.</p>

<p>Fifth, a special word to kluge. I am not the forgetful type, but my husband is. However, even though I not forgetful, I can’t be sure that I couldn’t have done this. I don’t hold myself above this woman or say that I couldn’t have done this. Maybe I could have. (More on this a bit later.)</p>

<p>Sixth, as I have said, prosecution is not the same as jail time. It’s a different question to ask whether or not she should be prosecuted or whether or not she should serve time.</p>

<p>Seventh, I think the basic disagreement is about the role of law in society. Since I have a DD studying for the LSAT’s, this is probably on my mind.</p>

<p>Eighth, I am with AnudduhMom: Had I done this, I would want to be prosecuted. It’s because we are all capable or so many destructive acts (at least that’s my opinion) that I want the voice of the law to be heard. Even if she is finally exonerated. I simply believe society has an interest here. I understand that many of you disagree, and I respect that.</p>

<p>The closing speech at the Medgar Evers murder trial quoted in the movie THE GHOSTS OF MISSISSIPPI moved me: “Justice is the balm to heal the wounds of society.” I am NOT comparing the two cases, but I do think there should be a public reckoning.</p>

<p>All that said, tonight I am happy that I was LUCKY enough to see my kids through to 20 and almost 18 so I could hand them the reins of their own lives.</p>

<p>My best to all.</p>

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<p>AnudduhMom,</p>

<p>Yes, that is the difference. Even if you were suffering (or maybe because of) you would WANT to have some justice for the loss of the baby and your own negligence. You are recognizing that just your own feelings of grief and remorse are not enough.</p>

<p>THAT is the difference in the viewpoints expressed here. And that is what many people are feeling is missing in the diatribe of forgiveness for the Mom. AnudduhMom and mythmom are recognizing that this kind of grief might be best served in the environment that is set up for people to recognize what they’ve done, feel the remorse, and eventually come to grips with the tragedy that … THEY HAVE CAUSED! That is what is missing - the responsibilty by the Mom that SHE is responsible for her baby’s death and no one else. Should she get jail time? That’s up to judge and jury. But she DOES have to admit that the baby depended on her alone and no one else to take care of her. If the Mom DID spend SOME jailtime, she might realize the truth that as tragic as this obviously was, ultimately the Mom was responsible for the baby’s life or death.</p>

<p>Yes, this would be a horrible realization for her and could even give her a mental breakdown. Her grief would be infinitely more and deeper then it is now. But she would realize the truth. For those of you that think she has suffered enough, you’re right. But it appears that she hasn’t yet realized the full extent of her responsibility for her baby’s life or death. I sure can see myself as possibly being in such a situation. And I would WANT to realize the depth of the tragedy and not protect myself from the full realization. If it took jail time for me to realize the truth of how I failed, then that IS what I would want.</p>

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<p>You could be right, MBK, but she could have been talking from a place of total shock. My son broke his leg once and we were in shock. Totally, and this was with no loss of life. At all. In the ER, we were crying, reading about the Orphan Train kids and a father who killed a son in the Civil War. My son is a kid who never cries about anything, but in his pain, he could understand the pain of others. So hard to judge. Crime and Punishment comes to mind. Just sad.</p>

<p>mythmom</p>

<p>I know your heart is in the right place. So is mine. I think we all are crying. This is so hard.</p>

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<p>We don’t know that she never thought about her daughter once. As an earlier poster stated, if she didn’t realize she had the lapse in the first place, thinking of her daughter would not necessarily trigger an “oh dear god” moment.</p>

<p>To those who favor prosecuting her; what purpose do you think that would serve?</p>