Was your friend the MOG willing to pay for a rehearsal dinner that included all of the guests?
A LOT of our guests will be from out of town. There will be a rehearsal dinner for,the wedding party and SO, and immediate family ONLY, there will be a meet and greet later for the other guests who get there the day before…it will be substantial appetizers…but not a dinner.
@runnersmom did the MOG offer to pay for a dinner for all of the guests?
In our case, we are paying for this night before event. No one else has offered to chip innfor anything…yet.
Almost all the guests at our D’s wedding will be from out of town. FSIL’s parents are hosting a rehearsal brunch for wedding party and SO’s only which works out well since they need to have the rehearsal in the morning (there is a wedding at their venue later that day). The kids are hosting a cookout at a local state park that evening for everyone invited to the wedding as a “Welcome Dinner”. It should be relatively inexpensive and they aren’t paying for much else for the wedding. D was a little concerned because they don’t allow alcohol at the state park, but I told her I thought water and soft drinks would be fine for a cookout. Those who want to drink will likely meet up at the hotel bar or any one of a number of local places for drinks later in the evening and it shouldn’t be a big deal to not have alcohol at the cookout. (There will be plenty of alcohol available at the wedding reception the next day…along with shuttle service back to the hotel.)
@C3Baker it’s very possible our rehearsal will be in the morning as well…as there is very likely an event that Saturday, and ours is Sunday.
We really could have our rehearsal almost anywhere…all it will involve is knowing when to walk down the aisle.
A morning rehearsal would actually work out well…because then we could do other things wedding related during the afternoon and then host our little substantial appetizer meet and greet later (we have wine, beer, and non-alcoholic beverages for this…as well).
I’m not invited to my bff’s son’s rehearsal dinner, a plane flight and 2 hour drive. Am fine with that. (She’s a 40+ year friend, we’re each other’s kids’ godparents.) At this point, she and I don’t know if her sister and bil are invited to that. I personally think much is made of throwing a weekend series of events- R dinner, wedding, brunch. Very nice. But for me, not mandatory.
That said, we did make D2’s Fri dinner open to all. But it was a small wedding, most of us were staying at a same large (party-worthy) house, and D1 and I were happy to make a light buffet. D2’s college friends had made a 6 hour drive (one actually came from abroad.) They partied during the dinner, then all the kids went out to a club.
Rehearsal dinner will be for immediate family, bridesmaids/groomsmen, and SO’s only. I don’t think there will be a gathering that night for guests that arrive early - that is a relatively new concept (at least among the people I know). Wedding is on a Friday night, so I am not sure how many people will actually be in town early. We are having a day-after brunch that all guests will be invited to attend … since the wedding is on a Friday, we feel like more people will be wanting to hang around on Saturday than would be there Thursday night. The reception is downtown, and quite a few people are staying both Friday and Saturday night.
Appreciate hearing all the rehearsal dinner options. So many variables: who will arrive when, distance traveled, expectations of family and other guests, costs, logistics… DD’s wedding is bicultural, largely “western” with at least one significant additional tradition/event important to the groom. I am as concerned with “event burn-out” for the hosts as I am with costs, as wedding day will be a bit more complex and we will likely do a casual brunch day after.
Rehearsal dinners are unheard of in the groom’s family tradition, so we are figuring it out with the bride and groom.
I have been to great rehearsal dinners that stood in stark contrast to the wedding receptions the next day due to their informality and like that lack of redundancy. One was outside at a stunning park with a barbecue done by the bride’s family who were in the food industry (climate precluded chance of rain). Fun to hear about renting space and doing casual food; will look into that as being inclusive feels good and leaves us with one less event to plan (the post-dinner gathering). Good to hear that some are considering an after gathering. Think that could work well, too. Weddings are now much more elaborate, as they have become weekends, especially when they are away from home bases.
We had one wedding planner who actually said to us “well…what will YOU do with all these people the night before, and the day of either before or after the wedding (we were considering a brunch at one point)”
My inside voice said " not my problem." Because you know…it’s not. We plan to provide a nice list of happenings and closeby places to eat in our goody bag (another PITA tradition that honestly I wish we didn’t have to do…but we will). But I’m not the weekend entertainment committee. We are hosting a wedding…not a weekend get away.
Oh…and my outside voice…I just smiled…and nodded.
And we did NOT choose that planner.
ETA…family destination wedding a couple of years ago…the brides family hosted dinner three nights…BUT the MOB told me…the total cost was less than what they had been quoted for a reception anywhere in the greater metro area,where they lived.
I’m with thumper on this, in respect to how much work one can put into all this, how much this becomes about those guests, who comes early, has what expectations of their own experience, etc, versus attention on the ones getting married. It can become a production.
The couple’s relationship with each other, readiness, joy, etc, matters the most. It’s about celebrating the union, the affection for the couple, not what a blowout they throw for you. (We’re easy guests,lol.)
Goodie bags are tough. Never heard it’s a needed tradition.
I think rehearsal dinners can be a lot of fun and I prefer more casual and relaxed to differentiate from the main event. But I do agree with thumper that there is no obligation or need to entertain guests for the whole weekend or even at a rehearsal dinner or other welcome event.
My own, decades ago, was lobster and bbq chicken, side salads, beer/wine, strawberry shortcake in my folks’ years. We live in lobster country so a treat for out of towners looking for a local experience.
My sister, for one of her sons recently, rented a park pavilion, provided beer, other drinks, and dessert, and hired out a food truck which provided the food.
Both were fun and low key giving people opportunities to get to know one another before the wedding and reconnect with family before the more formal wedding.
DD invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner; it was at the same venue as the reception and the groom’s parents own and run the place. MOG offered the venue and gave them a set amount to spend. The couple paid for the extra and we paid for the wine and beer. Everyone was from out of town and it gave them a chance to see everyone a bit more.
My niece’s is also out of town, but only the bridal party and the couple’s immediate family is invited. We are not on that list. And that is fine with me.
@cap How were the wedding expenses handled if groom’s family owns the venue? Just curious how things work in that kind of situation.
To those who asked, in my friend’s case, yes, she (MOG) offered to pay for the entire rehearsal dinner, but she could not convince the bride and groom. I’ve decided to go in the opposite direction of the wedding, as many have suggested, to differentiate the events. In our case there is likely not to be an official rehearsal (the venue is open to the public and not set up until that evening for a wedding), so it’s really just another opportunity for people to spend time together. We are also hosting a brunch at the hotel the morning after the wedding, but that will only be for guests staying at the hotel.
We didn’t pay for the venue or the associated guest rooms. We paid for the other stuff, but did get some discounts from vendors who work there often.
Be careful of the “guests staying at the hotel” thing for the brunch.
Family wedding…most of the family stayed at the place where the wedding was held. BUT there were 9 of us who didn’t. The great aunt who stayed at the venue was invited to the brunch. The aunts and uncles who stayed at the venue were invited to the brunch.
The rest of us (aunts and uncles, great aunt and uncle) were not…honestly…we didn’t care. We had a five star chef at our place who prepared an awesome breakfast. BUT the bride and groom wondered why we weren’t coming. Well…because we weren’t invited…because we stayed 1/4 mile down the road.
Morning OF the brunch, we got emails asking us to come. All nine of us had breakfast at our place first…then went up for coffee to say goodbye.
Honestly, I thought that was really a goof up on the part of the folks hosting the brunch.
Thanks, @thumper1 for the advice. We’ve only offered one hotel, and I think all out-of-town relatives/friends will be staying there, along with us, the bride’s parents, and the bride and groom. While I will certainly extend the invitation to all relatives, even if not staying there, we are doing more of a NY-style continental breakfast (bagels, lox, fruit etc.) than a full out brunch and I really do not want to host yet another gathering for 100 people. Added to the fact that the space offered us at the hotel (a small, NYC boutique-type hotel) cannot accommodate that many people, even at staggered times, we are looking at it as more of a courtesy to the guests at the hotel before they leave (on Labor Day Monday) for home.
O.K., CC wedding experts: What the heck is “Garden Party Formal - Black Tie Optional attire”???
Because I have nothing else to worry about this year (NOT!), this just popped up today for a wedding we’re invited to in September in the Wine Country. Goskid’s wedding is in 100 days, my sister’s is in 35…and I thought I had all those wardrobe dilemma’s dealt with and now this…ack!
Garden party to me is flowery, sundressy…but then the black tie part threw me…
Just wear a nice dress. Don’t fret.
We aren’t putting the clothing requirements on our invitations. Our guests can figure it out.
I searched garden party not black tie and this popped up. I think it’s rather attractive, tho not a length I wear.
@gosmom Strange wording. Is the wedding/reception outside? Perhaps they want people dressy but suitable for outdoor wear, no stilettos, etc.