Yea, it’s really sad because I really like my niece but hate when sis tries to contort everything to her way. I think I will give it a lot of time and just go quiet. I have long had challenges working with this sister.
@HImom I think many of us have one of those-the challenging sibling.
I just counted it up and there are only 14 people, if everyone is available. I really am not interested in having an expensive event for 40. I’m still waiting to see when D will even arrive into town.
^^^Why don’t you ask your sister to split the cost if she wants to have a shower that is a bigger event than you planned.
When my D got married, two of my friends hosted a shower and I offered to pay for half if it. I felt like it was asking a lot to have them pay for the whole thing.
Here’s an article on how much a wedding gift should cost by state. I don’t know if this is per head or couple.
https://www.realsimple.com/weddings/registry-gifts/wedding-gift-amount-tendr
I don’t understand why there’s any “should” about what one spends on a gift. Much depends not only the giver’s financial situation as well as on the relationship with the recipient and the other expenses incurred or gifts given. No one is owed a gift of any size.
Several years ago, I bought a shower gift off a registry for the out-of-state daughter of a friend. We’d never met the daughter and were not invited to the shower, but her mom was lamenting how few people would be attending for various reasons so I thought I’d send a little something. Amazon shipped the gift in two packages and the smaller one arrived first. (Think of something like a couple of kitchen tools plus a nice stock pot.)
The daughter called her mom to complain about the cheap gift and how she was sure we could afford to do better. The next day when the larger box arrived, she called back sounding appeased. Her mom relayed this to me as if it was terribly funny. Fortunately, we were not invited to the destination wedding.
D1 wants to get married at a particular building at her alma mater. They have an online site to reserve space at the university for outside events. You could only reserve it exactly one year ahead. Last night at midnight was when D1 could reserve the space, even though she has been communicating with the university about wanting the space on that particular day. D1 stayed up last night in order to reserve the space. When she logged on, she noticed every day was available except the day she wanted. Of course she was upset, but on top of that, D2 and I were supposed to stay up to help her reserve the space and both of us fell asleep. 
She was not speaking to us this morning.
This morning she got an email from her contact at the university to ask her to call. When she called, her contact said the date D1 wanted was not released online so no one could book it. She asked D1 to stand by for her to release the date so D1 could book it right away. Both D2 and I are out of the dog house.
We are now set with the ceremony site and reception venue.
@oldfort , jeez, that sounds awfully stressful to book the venue. Almost like Southwest Airlines. Glad she got the space.
I like that, @effort. 
I was completely stressed out. We had the reception venue all booked and were wondering if we could change the date. But it was nice the person held it for D1.
Some of these posts are making me think weddings are just an excuse for some people to reveal their worst selves. Speculating about what people can afford is bad enough; sharing it is mind boggling. Demanding a certain shower be thrown? Yikes.
Someone in DH’s extended family who is generally beyond considerate told me the backstory to a shower she was holding for her daughter. Mom wanted it at home and daughter said it had to be at a nice restaurant because she “needed a lot of stuff”. Couldn’t unhear that.
Could we keep this thread happy? We have a lot of threads about what is appropriate on CC.
Congratulations @oldfort on securing the ceremony venue. How kind of your D’s contact at the university to put the date “on hold” for her.
Happy news here is that we’ve sent the invitations for our July celebration party via Paperless Post and I’ve been receiving the nicest responses today. Those who are invited to this but not the wedding received a “heads up” email about a week ago and all who received it responded with complete understanding. Even my husband is getting more comfortable with the situation. My biggest concern now is the weather, which I will obsess about for the next 7 weeks. Our house can accommodate even the largest turnout, but being outside would make it so much more pleasant.
On the shower topic, two of my closest and oldest friends (and two of the very few people we’re able to have at the wedding) offered to make a shower for my FDIL and she accepted. It will be quite close to the wedding given all the schedules that have to be accommodated and I went back to them twice to ask for a maximum headcount when they asked me for an invitation list. In the end, they are offering a larger number than I think will be invited and to be honest, smaller is better, as far as I’m concerned. I made a shower for one of their daughters and to be honest, I can’t imagine a scenario where my friend would dictate the terms of the shower. Now, family is another story 
For new wedding moms and dads - I was talking with SIL about summer wedding and preparations. This is her 2nd to get married. Thing she said she found out that wish she had known with 1st - you can negotiate price of dress. One place they went gave a 10% discount if you bought dress at initial appointment and then she negotiated free alterations. I would have never even thought! This was a place where owner also made wedding dresses and she had lots of suggestions about little tweaks to dress so having alterations included freed them up a bit to making suggested changes.
Happy dress hunting!
Happy follow up to scmom12–Dress shop thought D would pay $300-$400 for a rush. They called and said
the dress would arrive a month early and so no fee. Did not think to ask for a discount! And I am not shy about
such things.
So only happy means I cannot tell about the pretty sad and bad rehearsal dinner my D is attending
at this moment. :^o. Oh dang. Ok since you asked–this is the $80,000 wedding (or more) and the $6500
rehearsal dinner. Evidently the tablecloths are checkered red and beige and the flowers half dead and pink because either the venue did not ask or they were just not told what to do. The venue is old fashioned carpet and murals and on a highway.
D is distraught for FMIL. I gave advice on how to help everyone feel better. And in the end it will all
be just fine if everyone is happy (and acts it) for the couple.
I will talk with FMIL (who is hosting this party tonight for her other S) next week.
D is happy right now that her wedding is so simple.
It does sound like there have been a lot of happy weddings recently, with many new newlyweds. Congrats to all. I’m sure my niece’s upcoming wedding and reception and all her other events will end up just fine as well. We all think they make a great couple!
Yes!!! We just finished our Rehearsal dinner and it was a rousing success. We (MOB and FOB) picked the location. We were at a small county airport that is the site of a skydiving club. We had beautiful weather and sat out under a tent and watch the skydivers as we ate dinner. We even had two people sign up to jump. Lots of fun and now we are all psyched to have fun tomorrow. Fingers crossed for nice weather! Oops, sorry @oregon101 - I just read your post. Hope the wedding goes better.
Congrats and sounds like so much fun!!!
This is the type of venue D and FSIL would love.
The sad post I made is about FSIL’s B who is having is wedding this weekend.
I have told D (who is in distress for her FMIL and family over this not very great rehearsal dinner)
that we ( as MOB and FOB) will be giving great choices as they do not live here and cannot
know what is the best to choose from.
Again, sounds like so much fun!
@oregon101, I’m so sorry to hear that your FSIL’s parents had such an unsatisfactory experience with their S’s rehearsal dinner. We are hosting the rehearsal dinner at a beer hall in Brooklyn. Given the location it will not be inexpensive, despite the casual nature of the venue, but it’s Brooklyn. Everything is overpriced. The food will be provided by the vendors at the location and I won’t even know who they will be until the month before because they are there on a rotating basis. It will offer the casual, local vibe my S and FDIL want and that’s fine with me. Our only logistical issue is that the hotel is in Manhattan, the dinner is in Brooklyn, and many guests aren’t familiar with the subways. I may investigate a small bus to get people there and they can cab or Uber back to the hotel. The details are starting to raise their ugly heads! Three months to go.
Rehearsal dinners come in all sizes and shapes…and costs…and venues.
We will be very happy with whatever our FSIL and family choose. That is their decision…not ours. It’s all about celebrating the people.
@oldfort, that’s the way they sign up for classes at that university, too, isn’t it? Only it’s done at 5 a.m., not midnight.
I’m glad your daughter got the space she wanted.