@thumper1 Will your daughter feel comfortable telling future MIL that the sample doesn’t fit her style? That’s easier to do, I would imagine, with a hired professional.
Yes…DD will be fine…and MOG wants this to be something DD likes.
When H and I got married in 1979, the wedding was really ‘run’ by my mother, with my sister (MOH) assisting. Groom and I were 1400 miles away. DD and now SIL ran their wedding; they had money, some help (before and after, under their direction), and advice when asked from parents.
I did pick the invitations (really lovely ones, and still lovely today - gold writing on rice paper), seamstress mother and I got the dress pattern and fabric, and she made my dress and added the veil to the headpiece I selected; seamstress mother insisted on making the bridesmaids dresses (2 sisters and 2 friends) and her own dress; I was fine with the restaurant reception venue; the rehearsal dinner was an obvious choice (we recommended and groom’s parents paid - it was for the wedding party and immediate family of bride and groom only and was reasonable cost). I had a red roses bouquet, and the bridesmaids had pink roses bouquet (dad only mentioned that the florist bill he thought was ‘high’); mom and sister planned and took care of the details. I was not the ‘dreamed of the day’ kind of gal; wedding was very good for everyone all around. My family is rather small (no extended relatives geographically close) but parents had a lot of local friends and dad had a lot of business associates in the small town; H’s family very large and many within 100 miles of the wedding. It was considered one of the social events of the summer in both home towns. Had open bar between reception time and dinner (very popular - and dad never thought the bar bill or the entire dinner cost was high - and indeed it was mid-west small town reasonable cost). The venue had a band come in regularly on Saturday evening, so the ‘event’ went from early afternoon wedding, up through closing at 12/1 am for those that wanted to stay and dance the night away. H and I left maybe 10/10:30 pm. We had most of the restaurant through dinner, and when the band came in, locals who were out for the night joined in on the dance floor after the traditional wedding dances.
2017; DD found her dress (Italian designer, and purchased directly from the Designer’s company) although we did go and have her try on dresses at David’s Bridal just to compare and see what was available. DD got married in a city 100 miles from where we live, and it was actually a relief to just give her a check (which was what we were comfortable on spending, and was not going to cover all DD/FSIL had in mind for the wedding) and let DD and FSIL figure out how they wanted the wedding to play out. When I gave her the amount we were kicking in, she asked “is that also including the price of the dress” and I had to say, yes it is the total amount we are kicking in…the dress and veil were not a huge amount (compared to ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ budgets), but a significant amount of money ($1800 for dress and veil, but at the time we weren’t exactly sure due to exchange rates with US dollar and EU, and how much the cathedral length veil would cost - and it actually was very reasonable). They spent less on some things and more on others, based on their decisions. Both immediate families are rather small, and a significant number of aunts/uncles/cousins from both sides came at quite a personal cost with travel and hotel, along with some close friends from both sides making up about 50-65% of the 160 attendees - the rest were the couples’ friends who were geographically local or within a few hours drive. IMHO it was a wonderful wedding - I told the groom it was the best one I had been to. It was well planned, good/reliable vendors. Did not pay any wedding insurance.
Many things come into the mix, and budget is where couples/families choose where to spend and where to save money. Sometimes venue/room size is a limiting factor on number of attendees - which was our situation. H and I had very limited # of friends invited to keep their number of attendees under the max number.
D has flowers nailed down, finally. She doesn’t want to spend a ton on flowers, and she did a lot of looking to find a place that can give her the look she wants at a price she is comfortable with. I think that was the last detail … except for the church, but that is going to be up in the air for a few more weeks. Our minister will marry them in Detroit (we live in the suburbs), and there is a church very close to the venue. However, it is also very close to Comerica Park, where the Tigers play … and the church makes a lot of money renting out their parking lot on game days, so no weddings on game days. We have a back-up church a couple miles up the road, but we are hoping that when major league baseball schedules come out in early September, there will be no game the day of the wedding!
Flowers is one thing we don’t have nailed down yet. D1 has a vision, but how to get it done with selling her first born will be challenging. The planner has some ideas of getting some plants from the local nursery. She has volunteered to pick them up.
We met with S and fiancé yesterday. We gave them our new list. Took off some friends and moved them to the maybe list. I think we are making progress. They are trying to find a date to have an engagement party for the families to meet. We also talked about setting up a time for us to see the venue. It is a 5 hour drive so it will be a weekend trip.
Future DIL has given me the job of finding out about a chuppah and her Mom the job of designing and making the broom that they will jump over. The tallit I made my S is narrow so I think we will look into something else for the cover. I’m considering embroidering one but I’m not sure I want to undertake such a large project. I have a friend who might have poles we can use. I also have asked my S to check with the venue to see if they have a chuppah.
They are discussing maybe having a female rabbi officiate. I don’t think they realize it isn’t that simple as we want it and it’s easy to find. First they need to find one who will perform an interfaith marriage in the area of the venue and one who will marry them on a Saturday late afternoon.
We discussed flowers and how they might save some money. We have several good friends who have talent in flower arranging and if they go with what is readily available during that time of the year. She is going to pay attention to what is readily available this September.
Though the venue is in the trees they are thinking about dressy attire. I will probably end up in a navy or burgandy red dress but I have a lot of time.
I feel good about the direction we are headed. I want to be a respectful MOG.
Edit- I brought up the idea of a planner or at least day of coordinator. They are open to day of person.
S and DIL found a female Reconstructionist rabbi to marry them on a Sat late afternoon. Her only requirement was that she be the only officiant, which is what the couple wanted anyway (DIL doesn’t practice the religion she was raised in).
We are still dealing with flowers also. The bouquets the bridal party will carry are coming from Stop and Shop florist…a grocery here…that does beautiful wedding bouquets. Well…we thought.
BUT this weekend DD mentioned different table decor than in the past that might involve a florist…so I have the name of someone to contact this week.
I wish she would make up,her mind.
On the bright side…she got her Save the Date done. It’s very her and FSIL.
@mom60 You should be able to find what I refer to as “Rent a Rabbi” that will do weddings at any time, between any two people. My son found a Rabbi that traveled to his city, and many do travel, for the wedding along with my DIL’s pastor. Everyone at the wedding, from both the bride and groom’s side, that it was the best ceremony that had been to, and blending the two religions without offending the other. I was so pleased with DIL’s pastor; actually liked him better than the Rabbi!
Check online; you will see many Rabbi’s available.
Went with D’s BFF to Blue Mercury and had makeup applied. They have a 30 day return if you don’t like it
policy so I bought everything applied minus the $58 brush (!), Guessing I can find something similar at TJ’s
or Target. It looked a bit caked after 5 hours but that may be for different reasons. I will do it myself and
reevaluate. I do wear a light amount of make up on a daily basis but I buy all at Target so this was a
splurge with my birthday money from my MIL.
Sonia Kashuk brushes sold at target are a good value. I have a couple that I’ve used for a long time. Sephora sells their own brand of brushes that are good also.
I really like it cosmetics brushes the best. I think I’ve bought them all at qvc, they will have specials where when you buy product (like the cc cream) the brush was practically free.
Just a FYI for reasonable prices on cosmetic brushes. I know I’ve never paid $58 for a brush.
My daughter is known to be difficult, but she is being amazing about the wedding planning. Dress shopping was magical, and she has a very specific vision for the flowers/décor. She’s an architectural historian, so “curating” her wedding is a huge deal for her. She selected an historic speakeasy for the venue, and the ceremony and reception will be in the same building. They are having a non-religious wedding, officiated and written by her sister, who is also the MOH. Should be interesting. I smile and nod. My D1, who is officiating, is a teacher. I hope she doesn’t snap at the congregation and tell them to focus. That would be bad! We went to the florist the day before he had two weddings and were amused that both involved crystals, white hydrangeas and lots of candles. Lovely, but done to death. My D wants very, very different flowers, and the owner of the shop was so excited that he is going to personally do her entire set-up, including arranging her tablescapes. He is very talented and they made an arrangement where she is going to purchase all of the vessels and décor items, and he is going to arrange them. I’m excited to see that come to fruition. They will be married under an arch with flowers/drapes, and the groom and his father are building that as well as a few other pieces. The FOG is a retired principal who builds stunning custom furniture, so I think the pieces will be lovely and they can keep them forever. Now if I could only get D to officially ask her bridesmaids so they can pick out dresses, we will be on track. The ladies are spread across the country, so that needs to be considered. They have decided on no shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties, for which I am very glad.
Learn from our ignorance:
When my daughter shopped for wedding dresses 10 months ago, it was obvious that strapless styles were the most flattering on her. Whenever she tried on a dress with straps or sleeves, it looked like the dress was wearing her, rather than the other way around. The simplicity of strapless styles suited her better.
But strapless has its disadvantages – something we didn’t learn until her final fitting last Friday. A strapless dress must be altered to fit absolutely perfectly. If it’s even a little too large, the top may fall down. If it’s even a little too small, it may not zip up completely, and the bride might have to walk down the aisle with a visible gap in the back of her dress if she can get it on at all.
This would not seem like a huge issue (provided that you have a competent seamstress) except that women’s bodies vary depending on the time of the month. And the final fitting takes place a couple of weeks before the wedding – in other words, at a different time of the month from the actual wedding.
Let’s just say (and this is a gross understatement) that this is a considerable source of stress. If we had known 10 months ago what we know now, I would have urged my daughter to select a dress with straps or sleeves, even though those dresses were less flattering, to avoid the fears we have now of not being able to zip her into the dress or having the top fall down during the wedding.
This would not seem like a huge issue (provided that you have a competent seamstress) except that women’s bodies vary depending on the time of the month
YES!!! The zipper on my strapless MOH dress broke while we were getting ready for my best friend’s wedding. I was sewn into it by the other bridesmaids!! I should have had my fitting at that particular point in my cycle. (D’s dress has straps.)
D has bridesmaids of all flavors & sizes, and they live in various areas of the country. Her bridesmaids are ordering through Weddington Way. D picked a color and they can buy whatever style floor-length dress they like in that color. D, MOH and another bridesmaid went to a pop-up shop they had in Chicago a week or so ago. They liked the dresses a lot. They are ordered online & can be returned … so bridesmaids with some lead time can try & return if they don’t like it. The prices are very reasonable.
Oh my God.
I didn’t even think of this and I’m very large
@kelsmom, I’m bringing needles prethreaded with white thread with me on the morning of the wedding. (At least for a bride, you know what color to bring!) I’m also going to buy a cheap veil online – even though my daughter doesn’t want to wear one – because it might help conceal the mess I’m likely to make in the back of her dress if I have to sew her into it (especially the blood spots if I prick her).
I’m also considering buying myself a pretty white (or mostly white) shawl to add to my collection of garments to throw on over my regular clothes when it’s too cold in the office. If I bring that to the wedding, my daughter could use it to conceal any back-of-the-dress disasters during the reception (and claim to be cold if she doesn’t want to admit to a wardrobe malfunction).
@zoosermom, I don’t think large vs. small has much to do with it. I could see this fit issue being significant even for a woman who’s thin as a rail and has no breasts to speak of. But perhaps a thin woman would have more of a risk of the dress falling off. My daughter’s seamstress put in something to stiffen the bodice of her dress below the breasts. This is not likely to fall apart, and the bulk of her medium-sized breasts above it should help hold things in place. But if she had minimal breasts, all the stiffening in the world wouldn’t keep the dress from dropping down.
Ouch. Great point about those monthly fluctuations. Strapless dresses belong in the goldilocks category: the bust size has to be just right. Too small, and the dress might fall off, too big, the girls might fall out of the dress. As I discovered, for me, the “too small” phase of the cycle could be remediated with a stick on padded Nubra.
I am small-busted, and the seamstress insisted that the dress had to be very, very snug to keep from falling down … that was what led to my fiasco. At least the zipper didn’t break DURING the ceremony! 
Maybe it should be the men who wear strapless outfits to their weddings.
My sister bought an expensive ‘alternative’ type of designer dress (was in a shop window in a major city) - spent more than twice what DD’s wedding dress was - and they had a cheap zipper in it. The zipper broke with zipping it dressing before the wedding! Had to go a few blocks away to get needle and thread and I sewed her into the dress.
Never thought about the strapless dress/fitting fiasco. Have seen where overweight gals have a strapless dress ‘tight’ and therefore their skin above the dress in the back bulges.
Years ago I was in a fashion show, and the strapless dress fit me well and I am considered small/medium chested - I never thought I could really wear strapless. That was before the strapless wedding dress popularity.
I did have fears about obtaining the bridesmaids’ dresses - with two bridesmaids away - and DD2 was able to get DD1 to get bridesmaids (small number of bridesmaids) lined up and lots of lead time with the dresses. And although the dress vendor said they had the dresses in inventory, one inventory number was wrong. Fortunately were able to order a similar dress for this petite sized gal, and had all dresses of the same fabric, with two bridesmaids’ dresses the same, and MOH and other bridesmaid dress similar - and all were reasonably priced.