D1’s wedding website is set up in such a way that people are only allowed to RSVP to events they are invited to. As an example, we have tea ceremony and rehearsal lunch that are limited to family members, so others won’t be able to RSVP to those events. People also won’t be able to add guests who are not invited. When people log in they’ll see all events they could RSVP to. Wonders of digital world.
"People also won’t be able to add guests who are not invited. "
For pushy people, that doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t show up with them!
There won’t be a seat for them. My family and friends know me pretty well, likewise for the groom’s side of D1.
All kidding aside, we are very limited at the venue, it would be very hard for us to fit unexpected guests. A groomsman asked if he could bring a plus one (a random person) and D1 had to say no.
I really think that people don’t know the etiquette of responding to an invitation. They don’t know that only the person or persons on the envelope are invited. They may think anyone in the household is included. So I’ll give her a pass.
We really did have an uninvited guest show up at d3’s wedding. She had been invited (kind of) in the sense that the person she came with was invited with a plus one - but responded that she’d be coming alone.
The amazing thing was that my daughter somehow registered the unexpected guest as she walked down the aisle with her dad (through happy tears in her eyes). My d seemed to glow during the ceremony and in the photos seems like joy personified. But her brain must have been whirring away because after we all walked up the aisle she made a beeline for me and immediately said, “Kim brought her sister so we have to put two more chairs at table 7 and take 1 chair away from table 10 and change the place cards and make one for Kim’s sister whose name is Susie Brown so could you please find the coordinator and ask her if she can do that?” Then back to celebrating!
She has always been good at multi-tasking.
It wouldnt have surprised me if my friend had just shown up with the on/off boyfriend and said “I hope you dont mind”. but maybe she remembered my asking her how many to estimate that might be a no-show as we were oversubscribed, as it were. I told her I felt badly, and that if we have a number of cancellations I’ll let her know.
Finally badgered cajoled DS to update his gift registry. They have a section for donations to certain causes. Pretty impressed by that.
@oldfort- we also are navigating a rehearsal dinner that does not include every guest. Plan was to keep that info off the wedding website.
Will every wedding guest be able see your tea ceremony and rehearsal lunch info? If so, how do they know if they are invited? Curious, because having all the details in one place is compelling, yet I lack the imagination to see how to do it gracefully when everyone is not included.
As to the guest that appears randomly, that is tough. Usually, there are a few no-shows at a large event; still the seating and logistical dilemmas can be big! DD’s bi-cultural wedding may pose a challenge with that, though our amazing FSIL and his parents are working hard to clarify that for this wedding, time and the headcount matter (usually both are more fluid). DD made sure that each reply card will say “x seats reserved in your honor” (or something like it), to make it even clearer. I am very relieved to have ample help day-of. This kind of stuff is exactly what I’d want to delegate…
"DD made sure that each reply card will say “x seats reserved in your honor” "
Sounds like a good way to handle it!
@travelnut - not everyone will be invited to the rehearsal lunch or the tea ceremony. D1 is using a wedding website that allows her to create multiple events, add guests to each event, so when people log in with their email address (everything is email driven) they would only see events they are invited to and RSVP to those events.
DS and fiancee are not inviting all the out of owners to the rehearsal dinner, but they are having a “welcome” party afterwards which will hopefully be nearby. They said they will have light bites there. I am of the old school that says you should take care of your out of towners and include them in the Fri nite dinner. But my suggestion is falling on deaf ears. its a bit embarrassing, but they seem firm. ANd they cant claim they are trying to save $ since we are paying.
The welcome event will be inthe main city, about a half hour or more from the wedding and where the hotel is. They will provide a code for people to use uber or lyft. I thought that was neat.
We are having…
- Rehearsal Dinner- only immediate family and bridal party (and plus ones of the bridal party) are invited. That is getting a separate invitation from the MOG, and those RSVP will go to her. That’s on Friday.
- Meet and Greet- lots of appetizers and beverages. For out of town guests.
- Wedding- everyone is invited to that. DD says folks can RSVP online, but we are including response cards to be mailed...to me.
- Morning after brunch for out of town guests.
For the meet and greet and Brunch, a small invite will be included and sent only to those invited. RSVP is to me as I’m hosting.
I’ve talked to my local friends…and none of them would come to either the meet and greet, or the brunch. They have all met the bride and groom…and don’t plan to get up early the morning after, or come the night before.
I know it sounds weird…but we did a LOT of thinking about this.
The Meet and Greet, and brunch are at the hotel where the block of rooms is.
Your plans make sense, @thumper1 , since your rehearsal dinner is 2 days before the wedding, and many out of towners might not come in 2 days early. Ours is the night before the wedding, so we know most out of towners will have arrived. I just have difficulty expecting them to fend for themselves for dinner when we have invited them.
DS said “they might want to do something else”, to shich I replied “so they will decline the invitation!”.
They will also have an after party and a sunday brunch at the hotel. Not sure if they have anything planned during the day Saturday, but its unlikely.
Too late to edit…but yes…our rehearsal is Friday, Meet and Greet Saturday, Wedding Sunday, and brunch on Monday morning.
Yours will be a lovely weekend, @thumper1 . DS’s wedding weekend is shorter- rehearsal dinner followed by welcome “party” Friday night, wedding Sat evening, after party Sat nite/to whenever, and brunch Sunday.
I had not planned any sort of meet and greet for the out of towners. I was assuming that anyone flying out for the weekend would want to see some sights or go to the beach without being over-scheduled. Am I wrong?
Thanks to all for weighing in. Clearly there are a lot of ways to make this work. @oldfort- how nice to have the log in dictate what your guests will see. Gathered you had worked something like that out and it makes good sense.
@thumper1 - what you describe sounds perfect for your DD’s weekend and every wedding I attend plays these variables slightly differently for so many reasons. DD’s wedding begins Sunday at 4 in a small coastal destination city. For a variety of reasons, many guests will arrive on Sunday, though some will arrive Saturday. FSIL’s family does not have a “rehearsal dinner” tradition at all, so there are no expectations of attending there, except for close friends and more immediate family. We are inviting a little fewer than half the guests to it; the venue DD selected has a firm cut off for the space. The morning after the wedding, the groom’s mother is hosting a very casual chance to say good bye to the bride and groom and serving “grab and go” sandwiches, drinks and snacks, as many will be heading off on 2-5 hour drives to get home. All will be invited to that via the website; don’t think she plans on rsvps for that. As we are hosting both the wedding and the rehearsal dinner, the dinner invites will be tucked in the wedding invitations of the included guests, requesting a response to us via email by a certain date. Wedding invite responses come to us via snail mail. I am not surprised that your local friends will not be planning to attend every possible event. It can be too much all around. All are from out of town for DD’s event, including us, making hosting a bit more of a production. I would host a day after brunch at home if it were possible.
The groom’s parents wanted a rehearsal meal for the wedding party and grandparents and we (D1 especially) preferred to have a welcome party with full dinner/cocktails for everyone Fri night. The compromise is to have a rehearsal lunch(not dinner) then a welcome party that evening.
That’s a great idea @oldfort. I may suggest that to DS, but the families are flying in from all over, and some across country , so it might be a strain to ask the FDIL’s sibs to miss a full day of work. One is getting married in the fall and the other sibs are beautiful my careful to strategize their vacation days.