DD and her H were a bit casual IMHO about lining up the plans for getting the marriage license - however they did have it covered…they have had friends go to that city hall and they knew what day and time was the ‘quickest’; they did wait until the last week which did make me nervous, but they got it and DD called me to let me know.
Since I don’t go to that many events with being on my feet with particular shoes for long periods of standing, I really thought I had chosen comfortable shoes. However I do wish I had the comfy flats as the reception wore on - and we had tidying up duties and I just went barefoot on that, as my feet had swollen (I had an open toe low heeled shoe and the open front was getting tight from the swelling). I was 60 at the time of the wedding. Maybe younger MOB/MOG won’t have this problem.
DD and her H have friends that are ballroom dancing teachers, and they got lessons as part of their wedding gift. H also had a dance lesson. SIL even dipped me on the dancing. We had a full (22 piece) live jazz band and the music was fab.
Well, D’s wedding is 5 weeks away and she seems to have it all under control…RSVPs coming in, meetings with the florist and the reception venue, final fitting for her dress, seating arrangements. I have some free-floating anxiety because I don’t know all the details about everything and I LIKE to know all the details, but I keep telling myself it’s her wedding and she’s on top of it all. Every time I ask “have you done this?” or “did you think about that?” she’s already done it and thought about it.
But…
My mother died suddenly 10 days ago. For the past week-and-a half my siblings and I have been immersed in the planning the funeral, settling her estate, and cleaning out her condo. Now that the initial shock and activity is over, the reality is sinking in.
Of course, this has cast a real pall over my excitement over D’s wedding, although I try to be upbeat over the last-minute details and decisions when I talk with D. (Of course, D is sad too about her grandmother, but it’s not the same. My mother lived far away and really only saw D at the holidays, and obviously their relationship isn’t the same as mine was.)
Not looking for any advice, I guess. I just can’t believe my mom won’t be at the wedding.
@SOSConcern, I’m jealous of the band even though our DJ was phenomenal! Shoes are such a personal thing - I wore 3"heels for the ceremony and pictures, then switched to my Converse. The dress was long so no one noticed, though I did have to scoop it up when dancing. It was worth it to be in comfy shoes, but then again, like @SOSConcern, I was 60 at the wedding!
I also thought that venue came first, but in our case it meant that we could not have our rabbi perform the ceremony because he was busy that day by the time the kids booked the zoo. Their officiant was amazing, so we only missed having him there because he had been part of our son’s life since he was 5. Clearly, there are venue options available where the wedding @learninginprog has been invited to will be occurring. Though I think I’d be nervous sending out “save the dates” before we had a venue locked down.
As for the license, my S and DIL went to the License Bureau in Manhattan at 8am one morning before work sometime in the two weeks before the wedding. They had been told it was the quietest time of the day and I think they were out of there in less than an hour. Remember, at least in NYS you have to wait 24 hours to be married after the license is issued, so if there will be any last minute “flying-in,” be sure to leave enough time. Also, I reminded them to check what documents they would need…every state wants something different and in some, I think, the license has to be obtained in the county where the wedding is taking place. These are among the details I would want a wedding planner to be on top of…ours wasn’t
hugs @scout59. This will be bittersweet, for sure. My dad died about 2 weeks after my S met my DIL and I am still sad that she never got a chance to meet him. He was sorely missed at the wedding, even 31/2 years after he was gone. May your memories sustain you.
All four of our parents died in a 21-month stretch 5-6 years ago, which was right before our children’s relationships that have blossomed into marriages began. Just reading @scout59 's and @zoosermom 's and @runnersmom 's posts made me start to tear up. My mother, especially, would have so loved to be at their weddings! And to meet their partners!
so sorry @scout59. There’s never a good time to lose a parent, but right before such a special event is even tougher. My grandpa died two weeks before my D’s wedding last summer. It was hard for me, but even harder for my Mom. But she was very touched when D & SIL had Priest offer up prayers for him during their service. You have lots of emotions right now…take care of yourself…
My dad would have loved my DIL. They have a similar sense of humor which may be one reason my S was drawn to her.
This also makes me sad because my children are meeting SOs/marrying/having children(hopefully) at a much later age than we did and the odds of us making it to a grandchild’s wedding are diminishing quickly. My S1 (now 33) was lucky to have his 2 grandmothers (now 85 and 86) at his wedding last fall. S2 is in a serious relationship of over a year that I assume will lead to marriage but they aren’t even living together yet and my D is still completely single at 28. It’s a different world, and I didn’t have my first child until I was 29, which was ancient back in the day!
Now, back to the regularly scheduled happy wedding planning stories!
D1 was the closest grandchild to my father because she was the oldest and we lived close by. Two of them just seemed to have a real chemistry too. My father always talked about how he wanted to be at D1’s wedding, so it is bittersweet for D1. We are going to visit his grave 2 weeks before the wedding so D1 could tell him that she is getting married.
Scout59, I’m also sorry for your loss and I can empathize. My mother had a stroke and is on hospice care. I’ve already told my dad that no matter what happens the wedding will go on as scheduled. He completely understood. Plans have been made, people are flying in, deposits have been paid and the bride won’t get another opportunity for time off for a year. Life goes on.
So sorry for your loss, @scout59 , and all who will not have grandparents at their kids’ wedding. My parents were both deceased at the time of DS#1’s wedding and, sadly, never met DIL. DIL’s 1 living grandparent, her maternal grandfather, was 102 and could not travel to the wedding, but was shown a video of the wedding. DS#2’s fiancee’s parents are younger and their parents are still alive and will be attending the upcoming wedding, which makes me miss my parents and am sad that they are missing these special events. Even sadder that they could not meet their precious great grand-daughter.
Question for those of you who have hosted a welcome party in a public restaurant/bar: My s has selected a bar, with a private space on the deck reserved for the welcome party. I am unsure if there will be wait staff serving or if guests will order from the bar. We will have a tab going for the drinks, and I have ordered silicone wristbands (in the maroon wedding color) to give to the guests so they can be identified as part of our event. DS does not like this idea and thinks that there would be few crashers who would try to order a drink on our tab. My feeling is I want that number to be ZERO and this is the best way of doing that. He absolutely refused to consider the idea of drink tickets, but was willing to consider the wristbands. I have gone ahead and ordered them so there will be no further discussion and I will bring them with me, but wondered if anyone else had any other ideas as to ways to handle this. He conceded that some have used wristbands at other wedding pre-parties, and I did select the rubber, not the paper ones (easier to get on/off), but he was non-plussed at the idea. My feeling-- we are paying, we get to try to manage the tab.
@jym626, I agree that you are paying so you decide, but we had our rehearsal dinner/welcome party in a separate room/patio area of a beer hall (and the space was open to the rest of the establishment, there were no doors) and we did not use any kind of identifier for our guests. To be fair, we had two dedicated servers, and I also arranged for a self-serve beer/wine setup in the space. That included three types of wine and a selection of bottled/canned beer that was opened/replenished as it was used. Any other drink orders, including other wines by the glass, beer, cocktails, soda and sparkling water were given directly to the servers. I suppose someone out in the bar area could have ordered on our “tab” but as far as I know, all drinks on our tab were ordered within our space from the servers or from the self-serve bar. The space we had was off to the side, but open to the main bar space so I guess someone could have walked in unnoticed and ordered drinks, but I don’t think that happened. It all worked well, and to be honest, we didn’t even hit our minimum. Can you check with the bar and see if they will have dedicated servers for your group?
Update:
OOps, I forgot that what I order on Amazon sends the email confirmation to his email address Even better, it abbreviated the order for " Blank Silicone Adult Rubber Promotional Wristbands…" - it got abbreviated in the email to him - the last two words… “promotional Wristbands” were omitted. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he got that email and wondered what I 'd ordered! :)) =))
The jazz band was not expensive in regards to what we got ($2,500) - band got fed too; just starting to get gigs; they seemed to have fun too - the formed through their college, and some were still in college - not relying on gigs as primary income but supplemental income…our personal connection with the lead tenor sax (one of the lead managers of the band’s organization) made DD and SIL confident on it working out great, and it did. DD2 had been lead alto sax in a jazz band with the lead tenor sax (they had a 21 day performance tour in China, arranged by China Cultural Exchange - Chinese people love jazz). DD2 (MOH) played in the closing number “in the mood” where they had alto and tenor solos…and the whole sax line came out playing in the crowd, it was a great finale.I am sure some of the other jazz band members wondered about DD’s ability, but after the number, an alto sax member said to her “you are pretty good” and DD replied “I use to be better” (she just went down the hall to warm up and run through the song; has been playing clarinet through college but those years with two jazz bands and jazz sax lessons came back).
I was just talking to a good friend about the upcoming family wedding she is going to - and how her sister’s wedding was moved up as MOG had cancer and was dying…friend thought maybe her sister may not have rushed into marriage with this guy…and said their parents (MOB, FOB) were not happy about the rush.
Grandparents (now both 88, from WI) are planning to go to nephew’s CO wedding in May. How they do will be questionable. They made it through DD’s wedding (in AL, both at age 87) w/o any major health issues, but lots of inconveniences - but DD/SIL were very happy they could come.
@runnersmom - I just texted him (the text he sent when he got that amazon email was a riot!) and I asked if there were servers for the deck. His response was “no servers- not really that kinda place”.
Um, that makes it more difficult…but depending on the size of your group, could you create a code word of sorts for “I’m with the jym626 party” so that your guests can order without it feeling like you’re making your tab available to everyone in the bar
Clearly, nothing, but it’s less likely than someone figuring out that all they have to say is “I’m with the party out there…” Or, perhaps there can be a designated bartender to work with your party to at least minimize the risk. My S would have been fine with the wristbands, the gaudier the better. Are the guests mostly the couple’s friends and guests or yours and the MOB/FOB? If the latter, I’d keep trying to convince him.
We are having a table with framed pictures of the grandparents, great grandparents, an uncle, who died. I think we counted up seven. It will be a table, with the pictures and a vase of pretty flowers…and a note about them. I’ve seen some poems online and may use one of them.
Even better, it abbreviated the order for " Blank Silicone Adult Rubber Promotional Wristbands…" - it got abbreviated in the email to him - the last two words… “promotional Wristbands” were omitted. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he got that email and wondered what I 'd ordered! :)) =))