Thanks, everyone. I’ll have to give this more thought. I don’t have a tight budget, but I feel I’m being nickel and dimed everywhere I turn. Of course coffee service hasn’t even been discussed yet, so they’ll get me there, too. They want $1 per person to use their vintage china.
My son sent me a list of their favorite venues in Chicago yesterday. For fun, I looked at the menus and the tiers. I agree, they do seem to nickel and dime.
Oh, it’s definitely a wedding industrial complex. They nickel and dime you for everything. Our venue wanted to charge us $2.50 per cup of coffee and the tent rental company wanted nearly $4,000 for a tent that was already up and standing all summer long! We didn’t need their lighting, so got it for a “bargain” at $3000.
A friend of my daughter’s, who owns a coffee shop, donated the coffee. But everything else, we paid for, inch by inch.
One helpful thing for me was to just accept that weddings are expensive and to ride with it. I didn’t want to stress about every little thing because that would have diminished my enjoyment of the actual day. We just cut out things that we didn’t find necessary, such as favors and fancy chairs, and in the end it was still very beautiful.
It is alleged that if you want someone to cater a party, it will be $X. But if you want someone to cater a wedding, it will be 2 X $X.
We found everything was negotiable. Having a planner could actually save you money. When the planner booked things for us (chairs, tables, musicians, DJ) she didn’t charge extra whereas caterer’s coordinator may charge additional 10-20%.
D1’s reception was a 5 hr event. The venue was charging us by the hour for alcohol, so we cut the cost by closing the bar down for one hour during dinner time and served wine. I don’t think people even noticed.
You can also possibly ask for a cheaper rate after 3 hrs because presumably people would start drinking less after few hours.
Okay, I’m having a MOB moment. Was just discussing some ceremony details with D1. Their processional song (before Here Comes The Bride) is the theme song from the Masters golf tournament. (Groom is an avid golfer). The recessional is something from the LOTR movies. I’m a little… speechless. Not thrilled. They (at least D1) does not lack exposure to fine classical music. 
You mean pre-processional? Don’t shoot me , I’m not a golf fan. But I just listened to the Masters theme (“Augusta”) and it would make a nice processional. How many of your guests would recognize it? Nobody my kids would invite would make the connection.
I think a lot if people would… I certainly recognize it. It is the music while the bridesmaids/groomsmen are coming up the aisle. Then switching to the traditional here comes the bride. I find them to be somewhat tacky, commercial choices. (Recessional is “Concerning Hobbits” If you want to listen)
Hugs, intparent. Nice. but not the sort of recessional I prefer, either.
D2’s wedding weekend was lovely, but I may not have admitted the odd aspects. Lovely came from the house where we stayed and where the night before party and reception were, plus D1’s and my efforts on the food the night before and the cake. There were aspects I prefer to forget, like karaoke. And the actual wedding ceremony. Have to find the glass half full parts that do delight us.
There were only a couple of music pieces that DD vetoed…and Here Comes the Bride was one of them. She came in to the song Trumpet Tune…which is a variation of Trumpet Voluntary…played by her brother.
For the recessional…I honestly think they could be playing kazoos. No one is paying attention to the music at that point.
I agree with @lookingforward - the masters music is lovely, and if it’s particularly meaningful to the groom, well, what is wrong with that? Its his wedding. And no one will remember except the bride and groom.
And I’ve been to several weddings recently. Don’t recall anyone using “here comes the bride”.
In a way we lucked out with the recessional/ processional - DD got married in a church that “forbade” the use of secular music. They actually sent DD samples of acceptable music.
DH thought it was a little heavy-handed but I was secretly relieved. I had visions of the bridal party processing to some emo-anthem.
I confess- I have zero memory of what music was used at either of DS’s weddings- processional or recessional.
D recently wouldn’t tell me what readings they plan on… I was thinking it was because they are sentimental and she was embarrassed, so I didn’t push. I figured they would have good judgment. Now I’m getting worried it will be a Dumbledore or Gandalf speech.
Have faith in your kids. No need to anticipate something negative. It will be fine. And it is their wedding. It will be what they want.
Inparent, thanks for the heads up. If my son chooses a theme from Star Wars or Star Trek, I won’t say a thing.
I have a friend whose daughter and daughter’s fiancee are into anime and Medieval/Renaissance fantasy play. They want the whole wedding to be in theme (clothes, locale, decor, etc). My friend is not a happy camper, but is tying to smile and nod. She has given them a very, IMO, generous budget, and will let them have the wedding they want.
Sorry, but it has been 20 years, and I haven’t forgotten the wedding I went to where the groom sang a Disney song from Aladdin to his bride. He has a nice singing voice, but it seemed so immature & tasteless to me. Feels like a similar path… and their service is not in a church, so there are no restrictions.
And @bookworm, I am saying something. It is a month until the wedding, hoping they give it a little more thought. In the end, they will decide. I admit, I’m now happy that they aren’t having printed programs.
And I feel so darned frustrated — thinking how much I spent on a private LAC-type K-12 education followed by a LAC college, with plenty of piano and oboe lessons along the way. And they pick this? Argh.
And it’s months from now. right? They may share ideas with friends and sibs, get some reactions.
The song is absolutely fine. The fact that it is the theme song for a golf tournament is irrelevant. Music is music. If it makes the couple happy, that is all that matters. It’s not like someone will be singing about golf while the bride walks down the aisle. I can guarantee you the song has no words, just in case you’re worried about that (I am being silly … but seriously, what does it matter that the music is also the backdrop to the most elite tournament in golf?).