@lookingforward, I also taught my daughter how to wash the china and crystal. I thought she would stroke when “the boyfriend” helped to clear the table and was not treating the Waterford with kindness. She dragged him over to the sink and taught him how to wash it! She said it was a test for his worthiness! hehehehe
@Mom22039 the wedding I went to on Saturday had programs and menu cards printed by Shine. The ribbon on the menu cards was beautiful. The paper quality was excellent.
My daughter and her husband got their invitations and save-the-dates from Shine.
The quality and service were very good.
The downside is that Shine doesn’t have as many designs as some of the other companies do.
@mom60 and @Marian thank you for the comments on Shine! That’s great to know. I have a sample of our favorite invitation on the way. I like that they have double envelopes, something Minted doesn’t have.
I’m thinking we might print menu cards and place cards locally beacause I don’t know if we’ll be organized enough to get those done in advance (with the shipping interruptions of Christmas and New Years). For my work, we use a printer near the office. I’ve already spoken with them, so I think he could do those for us in the last week, as needed.
Nope, not Michael C. Fina. It was IIRC an unprepossessing place in northern NJ, but they had great prices and did a big business by phone.
Ross-Simons?
So, I sent the couple a bunch of questions, just to get updated on where we are…they have some ideas I struggle with and need to keep my mouth shut: write their own vows (oh, ick. it always sounds so pedantic, or personal in an awkward way, or just dumb and frivolous). they want all the attendants to walk down the aisle “informally” rather than in pairs or have the guys up front (I don’t even know why) but okaaaay. They want us to walk my son down the aisle for "gender equity’. My husband is a wobbly walker and a crier. He is frantic.
But, also, (but!but!) they want to use canned music. No live music. Not so much as a piano. (which the church has, and one of our CLOSEST FRIENDS is a professional pianist). “it will just be easier” . Gaaaahh. Somebody, talk me down…
I have been to weddings where…
- Couples wrote their own vows. And they were lovely.
- Bridesmaids walked down the aisle alone...and the guys sort of ambled to the spot up front where they needed to be. I was at another wedding where the bridesmaids and groomsmen actuall sat in the front roe...except,for,the MOH and Best Man. It was fine.
- The MOG and FOG walked down the aisle together with a brother of the bride (actually the brides only brother). It was really nice.
- There is some lovely recorded music out there. Really lovely. I would NOT sweat this one...and we are a family of musicians. As a reference...we had live music for the ceremony, and a band for the reception. Believe me when I say...all those musicians could play a HUGE variety of music. DD and SIL chose a recorded violin piece for their first dance...recorded. I mean really...all those musicians and all the choices of live music in the room? But you know what? That was a gorgeous violin piece! And the dance was fine.
It’s going to be a fabulous wedding. It really is! Nothing you wrote will spoil a wonderful celebration.
H and I walked our son down the aisle to start the ceremony - he was married in an Eastern Orthodox church and I thought it was a nice touch - it actually makes sense that just as we walk a daughter down the aisle to present to the groom, we also take that walk with our young men to start them on their journey. I’m choking up a little thinking about it!
D1 and the groom wrote their own vows. We all cried, especially the groom.
Her Dad and I both walked her down the aisle. It was nice. It wasn’t about “gender equity” but it was more about acknowledging both of us in her life.
@greenbutton:
1 - S1 and DIL wrote their own, beautiful and personal (but not inside joke personal) vows
2 - Their wedding party seemed like a cast of thousands and included 4 flower girls and one flower boy, 8 groomsmen and 10 bridesmaids/men. They came down the aisle in multiple configurations of 2 and 3, some same sex, others combined. All sat in the first two rows except the siblings of the B & G who stood under the chuppah.
3 - In the Jewish tradition, both B & G were walked down the aisle by their parents ( and the B’s parents were long divorced).
There are so many things that can cause angst during wedding planning…talk to them about what concerns you, especially about your H. Remember, in the end, I believe they should have the ceremony they want as it is the memory of the beginning of their married life. May not be the way we would do it, but it’s their way.
Oh yes, indeed it is their wedding, not mine. But I know I have a limited number of items I can question (stay in your lane, MOG!) so I am trying to decide if we care more about his father sobbing the entire way down the aisle (and he will) or the vows. I know, intellectually, that own-vows can be nice. I have yet to be at a wedding (and it seems like we have been at millions) where they were not awful. I believe MOB is behind this, as she is still fussing about the wedding even being in a church “because religious people are so backward” and she has pressed hard to make the ceremony non-religious in most every way. She wanted to vet the officiant and I had to explain that’s not how our denomination works.
I find myself saying a lot of “tell me about the idea here” or “have you considered…” but I would never do more. Although, for DH, I may have to! I will trust you all about the canned music , though, and take that off my 'having a moment" list.
The wandering atttendants idea I believe will take care of itself. The MOH, especially, is very type A and will want a plan, not just an open-ended concept.
One happy thing – the MOB can’t dance with the bride (physical issues) but sent me a lovely note saying she hoped I would still dance with my son and she wouldn’t think of stopping that. He and I are going to invite everyone there with a parent to come dance with us (so aunts/uncles/cousins) as a way of solving our aversion to doing it ourselves. Should be neat.
My daughter and her husband had no attendants at all, wrote their own vows (using a collection of suggested materials provided by the officiant), and used a DJ and recorded music. All of these things worked out fine. I heard several compliments about the vows. They were meaningful and very well suited to this couple.
Greenbutton, if you aren’t somewhere where it’s subzero, get out of the house this weekend. An overnight, a museum, dinner, even an afternoon movie…anywhere you get your mind off this. I mean it lovingly. You’ll burn out. Even go alone if it has to be.
We’re a different generation. DH and I wanted traditional vows, but that’s not how it always rolls today. Same for the processional. What matters is the couple, their solidity and what makes their memories. Let Dad sob! And so on.
So many loving parents on this thread, so much great advice. And even those who fretted enjoyed wonderful weddings of their kids. I’m sure something, small or large wasnt perfect, but this is about hearts.
xx.
@greenbutton My D and SIL wrote their own vows — guided by the officiant, they were fine. They had the DJ do the ceremony music — after a bit of a skirmish you may recall over using sports music, they settled on a few classical pieces and it was lovely. Bridesmaids walked up by themselves (groom & groomsman at the front waiting). And both sets of parents walked their kids up the aisle — the photos are priceless. Groom’s dad is very emotional, but it was fine. Just be sure the venue has a wide enough aisle/chair setup for it (an experienced venue is used to this). Really, the ceremony was tasteful and supurb. This will work out.
You’ll plan and fuss and worry about every detail, and then on the day of the wedding, something will happen that you couldn’t possibly have anticipated.
For my daughter and son-in-law, it was a 20-minute delay in the start of the ceremony (with all the guests already seated in an outdoor courtyard on a day that was cooler than expected) because one of the groom’s brothers had borrowed his father’s Prius and parked it several blocks down the road and couldn’t get the engine to turn off – so his wife came running in and grabbed the groom’s dad, who disappeared down the street, too, to try to do something about the car, and while we maybe could have started without the brother (because, heck, the groom has four brothers, so you don’t really need all of them, right?), we couldn’t exactly start without the dad, and meanwhile, people were freezing and little kids were getting antsy out on the terrace, and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.
The day-of-wedding coordinator got the photographer to take some extra photos of the bride and groom to distract them, but it sure would have been nice if there had been something to distract the remaining three parents!
@lookingforward – it is warming up to -4 now!!
I was in a wedding where the flower girl’s basket caught on fire, and the best man punted it away from her, a flaming comet that bounced down the aisle, smoking. We laughed so hard, poor little thing just wailed until her dad came and got her. And then afterwards, one of the bridesmaids (not me!) fell down the icy winter steps, unhurt, but quite revealing.
All will be lovely, indeed. The unplanned and unexpected make the best stories
I don’t know that I’ve been at any weddings where the bridesmaids didn’t walk up the aisle on their own with the groomsmen already up front. That is all I’ve ever known! The groomsmen walk they back down the aisle at the end but the bridesmaids always walk up one at a time, on their own.
Am I misunderstanding this situation??
@greenbutton I cannot unsee the Flaming Flower Basket Comet!
Almost every wedding I’ve been to and been in the last 30 years has had the bridesmaids escorted by the groomsmen, or at least met half way. In the olden days, more of the groomsmen in the front.