My son got formally engaged in April 2016 (after working on it since October 2015). The couple found a new apartment in May (and the bride-to-be moved from one city to another), moved in in June, the bride-to-be started her medical residency in July, and they started planning their wedding that month . . . for September 2017. Which was the first convenient period of time when they had a choice of venues.
Meanwhile, my daughter and her boyfriend are clearly in a flight pattern that will produce a formal engagement pretty soon, to permit them to plan a wedding that won’t be before May 2018 and probably won’t be until September 2018.
Really not a lot of ways to have short engagements, as far as I can tell, unless you have pretty small weddings. You can delay announcing the engagement, but if you are buying a house together, it’s kind of silly not to say whether you plan to get married or not. Way back when, I was engaged for about 11 months . . . but we had to get married on Labor Day itself in order to get a nice venue.
When my S and FDIL got engaged last November, they wanted their engagement to be less than 12 months. They were very happy to find a venue they wanted for Labor Day Weekend 2017, so the engagement will be about 9 months. What they’ve figured out is that you can do it immediately, using whatever venue is available, or you need to be open to a date at least 6-9 months out, and sometimes longer if you want a popular venue or time of year.
My daughter got engaged last February and they were married late this November. They had @140 at the reception. I would have preferred they waited a bit longer to have the wedding in warmer weather but they wanted to be married before the year was out. Now I’m glad it’s over!
Niece is getting married this summer after 6 month engagement. Another niece was about 9 and her brother will be the same. But I think it depends on little luck. 6 month niece got dates that worked for our church and country club which simplifies things since club has catering. It will not be small or simple though.
Hope my girls give me more lead time. This would stress me out.
My sister had a 7 month engagement and got married last Feb. DD had an 8 month one and got married in Oct. It’s very possible. Both were wedding with over 100.
Thank you Consolation for the trust. Yes hayden, I do know Los Angeles AND our son was married two years ago.And I do love a wedding. Hayden if you want to ask me any questions send me contact information.
Ok…officially joining the thread. DD is engaged…wedding date is May 27, 2018…Sunday of Memorial Day weekend 2018. I think we have lots of,lead time! Venue is choose, dress is chosen. My dress is likely chosen. We have a band, DJ, and music for the ceremony. Table decor is almost all finalized. We need a photographer! Flowers will be done by…our grocery store! Best prices and lovely.
I need to send the deposit to the band.
Oh…invitatiions being designed and ordered by a friend. This will include save the date, and thank you note cards.
Menu tasting won’t be until November, but we have been to other weddings at this venue.
Left to do…blocks of hotel rooms. I guess I need to call!
My mom almost had a stroke when our venue owner/chef didn’t mark our Saturday April wedding date when he advanced his calendar from year end - fortunately nothing had gotten scheduled to conflict. Mom and dad were dining there and talked about the wedding, so he brought out his calendar!
DD and her fiance’ actually set their wedding date with the church wedding planner based on hitting a Marian feast day (their wedding is on The Feast Day of Mary Magdalene). That was a date the church and hall were available.
Since wedding is in DD’s city (100 miles from us) and she has the $$ from us, it is really all DD and fiance’ planning and carrying out. Plus I won’t get ‘blamed’ for anything - somethings DDs sometimes do to some moms.
Yes, the “mom-blaming” part is not being missed here. My S is being so solicitous of my opinion and I am trying to be very solicitous of my S’s FMIL, so it sometimes feels like an awkward dance. As I mentioned sometime above, her family has chosen to pay for the wedding in full, so I don’t feel comfortable inserting my two cents, even when it’s requested. On the other hand, my S and FDIL have delegated the hotel search to me and, after visiting yesterday, my S likes the option I chose. I want him to check with FMIL to be sure there are no differences of opinion but he and FDIL tell me that whatever they (and we) decide will be fine. As a longstanding type-A personality used to organizing large events, this is sometimes agony for me, but I want to be respectful of the parties involved and make sure no one feels slighted about anything. Oy, who knew!
WHO KNEW? As the mother of the groom (wedding over and done) who was lured just for one day to say whatever you want…follow (in a respectful way…email is excellent for this) up…always. The most expensive breakfast oatmeal that I ever had started planning the wedding.
Rule 1: some;one will feel slighted. Slighted is a good thing…smacked in the gut (not us…friends of ours) not okay.
Rule 2" follow up with email
Rule3: If traditions exist try to understand them and work with the differences (THANK YOU boysx3_
Rule 4: Remember it is your son’s wedding as well. He is not the necessary accessory to have a wedding take place. My son loves barbecue. Not the kosher kind. Rehearsal dinner was at our home…catered by a real barbecue company. Kept the pork separate. Had a vegetarian table. Meats and chicken another table. Saw an elderly man with numbers on his arm dive into the pork ribs. Ran over to tell him…he said…I’ve kept kosher all my life. Tonight I can eat pork.
Holy cow, @thumper1 … I hope she has been engaged a while and you just didn’t tell us. We are planning weddings at the same time, and after a couple weeks, D sure isn’t that far along!
D and fiance are coming home at the end of the month to look at venues - they have it narrowed to 4 or 5. They will choose date based on availability of chosen venue, but probably March or April 2018 (worst time possible for me at work, but I DO NOT CARE). We will meet future in laws the weekend they are home. Dress shopping won’t be until March for D, and not sure when for me. She will book photographer as soon as the date is set, since that is one of the most important things to her.
D is going back to her former consulting position very soon, which will allow her flexibility for planning. She and fiance are moving back to our area in the summer. That should help take some of the stress out of the situation.
She has been engaged for,a while… but really…only began the wedding planning in November. We visited wedding venues then. Really…the key ingredients for us were the date, and the venue. After that…really…the rest seemed to fall into place.
The venue was booked and deposit paid in January. So no…we haven’t been doing this for long.
@bevhills, #4 is what I hope FMIL realizes - I overheard them say that her mother says he should think of himself as an “honored guest.” She (the FMIL) also mentioned that she knows my S better than I do. Um, not so much. He has decided that when a detail is important to him he will speak up (no theme for the wedding even though the venue calls out of it, in some people’s opinions) but otherwise he can live with most decisions.
I’m taking his lead. He wants a very, very laid back night before dinner (the rehearsal will be during the week, if at all), preferably is a bar-type venue. He checked out the one I preferred, but he feels the space is too tight for the number of people and the type of evening he has in mind. So, we’re likely looking at a brewery or a bar/food hall type of place. This is all more than fine with me, though probably not what I would choose left to my own devices. I know her mom is not happy about a dinner “in the boroughs” nor the casual nature, but my FDIL has said the night before is up to my S.
I am the one walking fine lines, as FMIL and I do speak and email. Don’t get me wrong, she’s wonderful and we all think it’s going to be great to merge the families, but, um, weddings are a different animal, especially for the mother who has only one daughter and has waited until said daughter is 35 to be able to plan a wedding!
runnersmom: No matter what…pity the fmil that she “knows” your son better than you do. This won’t explode during the wedding. But be it bride or groom, it is wonderful that the inlaws FEEL they know their future sil or dil better. They don’t and can’t. And that is ok. On all sides.
@bevhills, you are a wise woman and I will take your counsel. I am very excited about this wedding and dearly love my FDIL. As my S has said, this wedding will be one crazy day. There’s a lifetime ahead!
@hayden -what area of Los Angeles?
My friend recently went to a wedding at Calamigos Ranch in Malibu. She said it was a beautiful wedding. She was suggesting it as a venue for my S but they didn’t want to go south. The funny thing was my H and I wanted to get married there 30 yrs ago but my Mom and bossy older sister vetoed it. At that time you could only get BBQ and the reception space had sawdust on the floor. We got married at the Riviera Country Club in Pacific Palisades which was lovely but not our style. Which leads me to the place that I will support any venue my kids want within a reasonable price point.
@mom60 , you are so right about letting the kids take the lead. We want our D’s marriage to be a happy memory, not a day of bad drama.
The kids live in some area near Hollywood / Glendale / Griffith’s Park. Does that make sense? I’m not that great with LA neighborhoods. His parents live in Simi Valley.
)
We are planning weddings at the same time, and after a couple weeks, D sure isn’t that far along!