<p>OP, I think you need a place to vent to real people. Because you aren’t alone and you aren’t the only person who has ever been disappointed with the track of their child’s life – but you need to find a way forward that isn’t full of anger and resentment and panic. I don’t blame you for feeling any of those things, but they are not long-term solutions. </p>
<p>Your son should pay rent, and work. Make it clear to him that it is a condition of adult life that we support ourself, or at least attempt to do so. It’s not about punishment for flunking out – it’s about you can’t spend your life on your parent’s couch. I disagree with those who say he will figure it out. That’s not how ADHD and Depression work. He is incapacitated and unable to plan, or execute those plans. He is dis-abled. Provide a framework (household chores due each day, job search goals, job secured date) and hold him to it. Cut out the want ad, tell him to call within X days. Check up on him. Put a dispassionate distance between yourself and these new standards (I called it the “helpless me” face. “I am just helpless to change these rules, so let’s get to it”.) Think of it as not negotiating with a 2 year old about playing in the street – you aren’t mad at them for not knowing, but you aren’t about to change your mind. If you have to, cancel the cable, or unplug it for X hours a day. Is that a pain? Absolutely! But if you don’t do something more proactive than just wait, you are sacrificing yourself and your peace of mind. He might go back to school. He might not. That’s up to him, and in the meantime, there needs to be Some Reason To Get Up.</p>