OP- everyone’s hit list for “what’s worth paying for” is going to look different. For us, it was academic rigor, pure and simple. wasn’t paying for fancy dorms, wasn’t paying for nice weather, wasn’t paying for cute sorority women/handsome frat men. If one of our kids was able to demonstrate that what they were interested in at the pricey school was academic/intellectual in nature, we were happy to entertain that discussion. I know people who paid for their kids to meet “the right social network” which to me is an absurd concept (since it usually involved having your kid hang out with drunk people, practicing their drinking skills for the future). I know people who paid for “close to the ski slopes” or near good surfing. And that’s fine- their kid, their money.
But we were willing to pay for greater rigor and it was worth it. It has extended out my retirement which is fine since I still love my job. It certainly put us in the “living thrifty” years for longer than we might have needed to. Etc. And if our kids had been indifferent students, or had extreme athletic or musical talent, the set of schools/financial constraints would have looked different.
YMMV. For all the folks who say that the pricey schools is all about “branding”, I call BS. You have a kid who wants to major in Classics? I think the experience at U Chicago will be fundamentally different than at University of New Hampshire. Is it worth the extra dough? I have no idea- it would have been for me. And U Michigan and Berkeley have two of the finest Classics departments in the country- so if you are instate for them, and your kid can get in, than you’ve got a “less expensive but top drawer” option right in the bag. But majoring in Art History at Williams vs. Stonehill is just a fundamentally different experience. Worth the money? No idea, your kid, your money.