Thank you Blossom, I needed that cry! You are absolutely correct, I will honor my mom and her intentions towards her grandchild by continuing to express pride in them, and our belief in the value of their education. I won’t let my father take that away from me.
At everyone’s advice, I emailed my father’s (ex) financial advisor who initiated the 529 plan 18 years ago. She replied with a lovely message, but also said she couldn’t divulge any information about the 529 without my father’s written consent. That answers the question: my father must be the legal the owner. I followed up with an email explaining the situation, just in case his name is not on the account. Incidentally, my father mentioned a few months back that this financial advisor sent him a letter severing their relationship (after he emptied his retirement plan without consulting her first.) She, of course, did not mention that in her response to me.
@cptofthehouse the 529 was from a different state, not the one my father lives in, therefore I’m hopeful he won’t have the complication you mention with state tax breaks. I intend to take your advice and walk away from this mess.
Thanks for your support everyone, and the perspective. I am lucky that this does not make or break my child’s ability to attend the school they worked incredibly hard to get into.