My DD1 and her husband became foster parents when they were unable to have children. They fostered a 5 year old boy and his baby sister. They have now adopted them. I love them to pieces, just like my biological grandchildren.
What I learned of the DCFS and the foster system is that there are two differing philosophies. The first is keeping the family together as the top priority. The second is the welfare of the children. Different counties/states have different methods of handling endangered children. My daughter’s county focuses on the welfare of the children. The parents had substance abuse issues. The baby was born with drugs in her system. After giving the mother 30 days to change her ways, the children were removed. The parents had a list of requirements to complete before they could have the children returned to them. The father never really tried. The mom - who truly loved them - was unwilling or unable to do anything towards completing the list. She lied constantly to the social workers and even to the judges.
I was thrilled when the biological parents lost their rights because it meant that my DD and her husband would be able to adopt them. There was also a small part of me that was profoundly sad that the mother had lost her rights permanently. I could not envision ever not doing everything and anything needed to keep my children.
The welfare of the children should ALWAYS trump keeping the family together.
Excellent post @silverlady.
We were foster parents for several years and while this case is in the extreme, this kind of home is very, very common. In fact, that’s how my (adopted from foster care) daughter came back to our home after initially being placed for domestic abuse (dad punched mom). During a follow-up appointment by DCFS (called DHR here), the home was found to be uninhabitable, with animal feces, food remains and other trash, etc., throughout the home. And yes, there was a huge TV and multiple game consoles.
I think the tide is changing regarding keeping the family together vs. best interest of the child. A few years ago our county instituted new deadlines regarding parent rehabilitation/recovery/training. They now have 18 months from the time the child is removed. No ifs, ands, or buts. If they don’t straighten up, their rights are terminated.
This works very well when the children are young. I do, however, feel for the older children. As horrible as it is, these are the only parents they’ve ever known.
One more thing to consider is that only the judges can make decisions about the removal of a child. DCFS is at their mercy. Social workers can document and request until the cows come home, but the judge makes the final decision. Some judges feel very strongly about keeping the nuclear biological family intact (especially the older ones).
Glad to hear your grandkids are happy and safe, @silverlady.
I hugely admire anyone who has ever been a foster parent.
My mom kept 86 foster kids, all newborn infants. She had them anywhere from a few days up to 10 months. I thought she was a saint! My dad finally had enough of being woken up during the night so she stopped. There isn’t much need for foster parents for newborns anymore - they are usually placed with a relative if the parents aren’t allowed to have them.