<p>Yes, Marite, I think you are right about that. I used to spend my summers in the hill country with my mom and my dad would come on weekends to stay, and then a week at the end. I have to work, so especially when my kids were young, it was nice to have them at camp. I knew that they were safe and sound and having a ball. Over the years I have gotten some letters that had the sound of homesickness to them, but usually it was because they were having a problem with somebody in their cabin, or something like that. At first, it would set me off, worrying if they were ok and having fun. But of course, the next letter would be full of how great camp is. They obviously had resolved any issue that had arisen, and all without my help. You know how it is when kids call or write with a problem and you lose sleep over it for days, meanwhile they have resolved it and are blissfully going on with life. My kids camp experiences have been instructive not only to them, but to me.</p>
<p>I’m of the considered opinion that my children–and my children’s friends–are far more sensible and have way more common sense than their mother and father, both of whom did some spectacularly stupid things in their green and salad days.</p>
<p>Um ya
lessee.
My 16 year old daughter wants to spend Saturday at the beach ( both H & I will be out of town- we are relying on our oldest who doesn’t have a car to supervise)- My H had a cow, until he was informed that when D says she is going to the beach to have a picnic with her friends- that is what they do- have a nice picnic/barbque and play on the beach. He went there to pick up girls and drink beer, not necessarily in that order.</p>
<p>My kids have both gone to the same Camp Fire camp on a local island. Younger D since she was 8, this year she will be going as a riding staff in training- something that she is really looking forward to & which required a first lenghty application and interview. ( I was gonna say her first- but she also worked at YVC as volunteer as well as the year long Young Heroes program in 6th grade)</p>
<p>My kids don’t write unfortunately, unless they need something. Older D hasn’t worked at camp for a few years, but as she often came back to Seattle on teh boat with the younger campers, I did get to see her here and there for a few days.
I am of the opinion that every generation needs to complain about the next- “they are coddled- their music is trash- their clothes are outlandish- they are apathetic & spoiled”
My parents were so protective that I was expected to learn to swim in water that only came up to my knees, my grandparents didn’t allow my mother to have roller skates and required her to wear a dress at all times thinking that would promote more sedate activities.
I don’t think that any generation has the corner on having difficulty finding the line between over protection and overlypermissive/neglectful behavior</p>
<p>Allmusic:</p>
<p>As a child in France, I started going to sleepover camp for a month at 6. This was quite common for French children. When I started sending my own kids to day camp at 7 or 8 in this country, we were still in the minority.
One thing that has changed over the last decades is the ease of instant communication. When I was in college, there was one payphone for the whole floor; it was unheard of for anyone to have a private phone. You thought twice about writing you were homesick (perhaps because kids in general do not like writing).<br>
Nowadays, with email, IM, cell phones, kids call home more often. But also more of them go off to camp.
When my youngest went to a sleepover camp for 3 weeks after fourth grade, the camp director forbade communication between parents and children for the first week, to allow the kids to get over their homesickness, make friends, and learn to be independent. I thought it was a great idea.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I’m pooh-poohing the concept as much as pointing out that:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Every generation appears to believe that there is something wrong with the next generation. For the boomers, it was being “spoiled brats.” For the Xers, it was being lazy and disconnected from work. It will be something else for the next generation. Put that in context, and it is perfectly predictable that this sort of piece will be written not on once, but many times, about every generation.</p></li>
<li><p>My experience with my children’s friends in this “generation” is that they run the gamut from not-so-great to perfectly wonderful human beings … just like all kids everywhere and every time. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>So, it could be true that this generation is different from the others. Maybe. And maybe it’s different but the difference is only superficial. The spoiled brat baby boomers turned into insanely hard workers by all accounts, and who would have predicted that?</p>
<p>I understand the “helicopter parent” problem intellectually, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me that some parents are reluctant to essentially surrender a $180K investment to an 18-year old’s management. I appreciate that the school is taking the time to give us a parents’ orientation. I’m also reassured that we’re on notice (from DS) to keep our distance from anything not specifically for parents and not to linger…I swear he checked my hotel reservation to be sure!</p>
<p>The list of don’ts reminds me of the Lily Tomlin character on Laugh-In (Edith Ann?)–“Nobody told me that I shouldn’t shave the kitty–so I did.” We can only hope we’ve imparted enough common sense to our kids to overide hormones, intoxicants, peer pressure and the creative spark of the really bad idea. I suspect that these “don’t” lists have proliferated because colleges have been found liable when students do the stupid things and no one ever told them not to.</p>
<p>jrxxmom, you bring up a good point about liability. When we were young and in school, when we did something stupid, it was our own da** fault. Now, there has to be somebody to blame and to sue, and I’m sure colleges are trying to be able to testify that they warned students and parents of inherent dangers of trying to cross a frozen river at orientation, thus they should not be held liable.</p>
<p>I don’t know how anyone can honestly make the case that kids today have less common sense than they did 30 years ago. How about seatbelts? Or helmets for that matter? Far more prevalent among kids of this generation than the last. And how about unprotected sex? The age a woman first gives birth along with the age a woman gets married are both much higher today than they were when my parents were growing up. I think this generation (and the ones before us) deserve a little more credit. No dap for creating the best and most accessible source of information (the internet) since Guttenberg and the Printing Press? </p>
<p>A lot of the “hate” seems to be directed at the notion that we are pampered; we’re not tough enough. If this includes not having to wash off after gym class in a prison shower surrounded by 30 other naked boys, then yes, we’re not very tough. But something you’d do well to learn is that knew technology and new habits are almost always better for the standard of living and society as a whole. Stop being so afraid of change: it’s for the better.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>What the …???</p>
<p>Since when can we label a generation as great before they become great? </p>
<p>“I’m part of a great generation!”</p>
<p>“Why do you think that?”</p>
<p>“Because mommy said so!”</p>
<p>I parent my children like I wish I’d been parented and they appreciate it. They have good common sense most of the time. Instead of “teaching” like when they were young, now I “coach”. </p>
<p>I’ll never close the door on my children. The difference now is that it’s a SCREEN door. </p>
<p>Oh, and EK, tell your Ds I said “Wo He Lo”</p>
<p>From the papers in the 1950s–Juvenille deliquency; uninvolved fathers; mothers who take tranquilizers; rock and roll; the man in the gray flannel suit and so on and so on and so on. It sells papers; we beat our chests in horror. This is the worse generation ever.</p>
<p>I was babysitting today and took the kid to a local playground where I saw this one kid who’s mom forced him to wear rubber gloves on the playground so he would not get germs from other kids touching the monkey bars and stuff. </p>
<p>Then another mom yelled at the kid I was babysitting at for “swinging too high” and playing “too loud” </p>
<p>It really shocked me because kids are going to get germs and they might fall down but its just life and certain things are going to happen even if you try not too.</p>
<p>Wow, creepy. Rubber gloves on the playground, that is just nuts! And playing too loudly at the playground! If I want peace and quiet, a children’s playground is not a place I would head to!</p>
<p>Maybe as (relatively wealthy) parents have fewer children there’s more at stake with each one (evolutionarily speaking), and therefore we become more over-protective. </p>
<p>Just a completely unsubstantiated thought…</p>
<p>Just finished reading the piece in “The Boston Globe,” and I’m going to go out on a limb here.</p>
<p>There’s a big difference between providing guidance/serving as the voice of experience to a child and infantilizing/overprotecting one’s offspring. Much depends on how parents respond to queries from their kids–the convergent vs. divergent method of learning. It’s easy enough to supply the answers; it’s much harder to ask the questions that will get the kids to figure things out so that the next time they’ll know what to do on their own.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s our job as parents to guide our children, and having kids learn from their mistakes may prove to be the best education they’ll receive as long as they start doing this at a young enough age/low enough level when they can’t endanger themselves, e.g., as toddlers. By the time they leave home, they will have accrued a sufficient amount of information and experience. Then they can make the appropriate decision.</p>
<p>Just a thought (or two).</p>
<p>Weenie - maybe it’s not evolution so much as having too much energy. Maybe we are equipped to deal with hunting/gathering and rearing a half-dozen kids, so one or two kids with a SAHM is (while still a full-time job) not enough to keep anyone occupied. Maybe it’s just because I tend to be high-energy that I’m saying this.</p>
<p>I will say that these “social pieces” in the NYT get annoying. First of all, there’s never any data to back it up. Second, my generation is being blamed for the neuroses of your generation. Was my age bracket one of the last to go through without complete parental over-protection? </p>
<p>Or is it maybe that people are forgetting how sheltered upper-middle class little girls were during the Victorian era? There are freakishly overprotective parents in every generation who impart their chidren with more than their share of issues.</p>
<p>I am probably more involved in my children’s lives than my parents were, but would suggest with that much of that “involvement” consists of scheduling and driving them around to their activities more than “hovering” per se. </p>
<p>I do think there is some truth in the OP’s premise because I have experienced too many well-meaning admonishments from fellow parents over the years who didn’t approve of my relaxed parenting style. Let’s see: I was informed by some folks that my baby shouldn’t sleep on his stomach, by others that he shouldn’t sleep on his back, and by still others that he shouldn’t sleep on either his front or back–just on his side. I received gasps for allowing my toddler to climb the ladder of the sliding board all by himself even after I had first shadowed him numerous times to verify his competency. I was scolded that it wasn’t safe for me to feed my 3 year old child hot dogs or grapes unless they were sliced into very small non-cylindrical pieces. I was chastised for allowing my 12 year old son to walk home alone from school 3 blocks in daylight in my suburb. And many a parent couldn’t believe I allowed my HS senior to drive the car an hour’s distance away from home.</p>
<p>I admit that there were times with my firstborn that I worried that maybe the other parents really were more sensible than I. There have also been times when I have wanted to allow my child to do something that I felt was perfectly safe but opted not to because I knew others would view me as irresponsible. An example was when three adults who were picking up their children from an after school activity and saw my son walking home from school all questioned whether I was aware he was doing this and did I really think it was safe because they were worried about him. And yes, they knew we only lived 3 blocks away.</p>
<p>I have recently met a number of parents who don’t believe their children are capable of going far away to college and living on their own. One mom even suggested that by sending my son to a “high pressure” college far from home I might be predisposing him to depression or suicide!!!</p>
<p>So yeah, this is a real problem.</p>
<p>There’s a whole parental germophobe movement, including items to purchase like the “shopping cart cover” (covers in its entirity, the place where jr puts his tushie and hands) and special germfree mats for restaurants, the portable wet ones to wipe every possible surface…</p>
<p>Of course, once I saw the 60 Minutes piece on the…ahem…“stuff” left behind on bedspreads in hotels, so I am rethinking my germophobe stance altogether.</p>
<p>Little Mother, and an excellent thought at that. I think your post is exactly right.</p>
<p>haha allmusic! I get grossed out by the “stuff” that is reportedly left on hotel bedspreads. I may not have made my kids wear rubber gloves, but I sure as heck pull those bedspreads down and tell them to lay on the sheets!</p>
<p>I have been very unhappy in hotel rooms ever since that stupid show!!!</p>
<p>Good point ariesathena - maybe it is just too much child rearing energy funneled into one or two kids…</p>