A question about "forgiveness"

Parent Cafe
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<p>Four years ago when my parents moved from their home to an apartment, my dad ended up going by ambulance to the hospital with congestive heart failure as we moved my mom to their new address. My husband went with the movers, I went with mom to keep dad company. </p>

<p>That evening, my brother arrived on the scene. He was horrible to me. Just horrible. Not happy with the work that was left at the house. Yelled at me and told me to get out. This after being with mom all day at the hospital and helping her to put things away in the apartment. </p>

<p>At that moment I had a choice. I decided that my mom had been through enough stress for one day and so I did not respond. For a good two years, I continued to act as though nothing had happened. </p>

<p>Five years later we are on good terms. I still think he is an a jerk, but he is my only sibling, so I focus on things we share - a history and a sense of humor. We don’t talk politics and I have never mentioned that night. I guess I have forgiven him. Honestly, he can’t help that he is an idiot. :)</p>

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<p>Thanks for your post, musicprnt. I was about to post the second part of the question, which would have been: “what’s next?” if one decides to go the forgiveness route. Identifying it as a separate event - reconciliation - makes sense. </p>

<p>I have not heard a peep from my sister since her sort-of apology over a month ago (which occurred more than a year after the offending emails). I don’t know how to proceed, but I do know I don’t feel like making the next move. My assumption is that she must not miss the relationship too much if she is not making much effort to reconcile. That hurts a lot too.</p>

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<p>Based on what has been posted here, I don’t think there is sufficient evidence to warrant this assumption.</p>

<p>She made an effort to apologize. You deemed the apology to be inadequate. Does she know that? Did you tell her?</p>

<p>If she doesn’t know your view, she might assume that you don’t miss the relationship much.</p>

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<p>I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, Bay. </p>

<p>Do you miss your relationship with your sister? That would make a difference to me if I were in your shoes. It is possible, putting your sister’s silence in a more charitable light, that she is embarrassed and afraid to reach out to you because she knows she was wrong and because she knows her “apology” didn’t really qualify as such. </p>

<p>Also, does she know exactly how hurt you are? If you are interested in a reconciliation, maybe you could let her know that one thing she could do to make it up to you, if she truly “regrets what she said,” is to listen as you share with her how you feel about what she said and did. </p>

<p>I must say that I find differences with my siblings to be more difficult to face than any other conflicts in my life. I feel as if I’m fighting with another part of myself when I fight with my brother and sister.</p>