I disliked Merrick so much, I didn’t think for a second it was sincere.
I don’t know whether sincere is the right word but I get the impression that Merrick has few others in her life: unhappy marriage along with a mother-in-law she dislikes, no children or at least none that stayed around, and damaged friendships from when she “stole” her closest friend’s fiance. If I remember correctly, it mentions somewhere in the book that few from town would be coming to her wedding and possibly something about how she’s intentionally snubbed now. (Don’t have my book handy to look for it at the moment.) Anyway Abby may actually have been her “closest, dearest friend” and that’s a sad statement.
Ignatius- that is how I felt about Merrick’s statement of friendship.
I did not dislike Merrick at all. She left. Many of us choose that but still arrive at major events.
I have/had no issue with her at all.
She left for her own reasons that were never gone into. No one person looked to her for something and then they were dissapointed. She did not matter, and that was the dissapointment, as she might have
How sad! Not something I would want as the epitaph on my tombstone. 
The family was taken aback by Merrick’s words (and tears), so maybe for a moment they had a fleeting glimpse of another side of her: “All the other Whitshanks looked at each other with their eyes wide—even Red” (p. 188)
I think one of the main ideas explored in the novel is “What makes a parent? How does your parent affect your identity?”
Abby and Red are not Stem’s biological parents. Denny is not Susan’s biological father (another Dennyism mentioned briefly and never referred to again). Abby is mother to the crew of Thanksgiving “orphans” over the years. Linnie Mae says about her aunt and uncle:
The wish for another kind of parent runs through the story–Junior’s father is neglectful; Trey’s mother is domineering; Abby is an embarrassment to her children; Linnie Mae is an embarrassment to Merrick. Are there any really close parent-child relationships in this book? Maybe there’s some hope down the line for Nora and her children…and yet I feel like in this little world of Tyler’s, the (depressing) message is that all children find their parents cringeworthy.
Good point, Mary.
I thought Nora was too perfect (except for stacking dirty dishes!)
Depends on what you mean by close but I’d say yes. All four of Red and Abby’s children - even Denny - show up at the first sign of trouble. I don’t think they only come out of duty but rather love. Stem and Nora even uproot their family to move into the Whitshank house. Jeannie works with her Dad - day in, day out - as does Stem. Only Denny lives far from the rest. Vacations together at the beach happen yearly. I think relationships ebb and flow in families but I think Red and Abby are close to their children and grandchildren overall. If one and all find them truly worth more than a cringe or two than they’d take the Denny route and aim for more separate lives.
@ignatius, all excellent points. I tended to zero in on lines such as those describing how Abby was “a dreadful embarrassment” to her children, how Junior made them “wince,” how Red made his son feel like he “didn’t quite measure up,” and so on. I guess the overall situation is more like Red describes it (referring to Junior):
@NJTheatreMOM, the way Nora stacked dirty plates…and also the “Mother Whitshank” “Father Whitshank” thing. That was just a little annoying. I wondered sometimes, especially as Nora was living with Abby and Red, whether her ethereal, saint-like exterior was actually masking some murderous thoughts. 
Ignatius-
Great point.
I like Mary13’s observations about all the various parental bonds.
I think the main theme was what ties a family together, the " thread" which binds these various personalities together, sometimes blood bonds, sometimes not.
The family stories, ( true and fictional )were another " thread" which bound these characters through generations, the good, the bad, the kind the not so kind, the selfish, and the altruistic. Imperfect all,as friends, as parents, as partners, and siblings.
But, they were there for each other when needed, what families do. An American family.
I agree. I think they did something right there, even if they did aggravate their chidren frequently. But isn’t that the job of the parent.
As for Merrick - I really thought her stealing her best friend’s fiance (even if secretly the friend might have been relieved) was pretty rotten. I found it hard to forgive her. But I think she got her punishment - including not experiencing the pleasures of parenthood. So I rescind my earlier statement she probably was being truthful with her eulogy - and that’s rather sad.
I must confess I found Nora extremely annoying. I’m glad they didn’t stay in the end.
The BookList review mentions that A Spool of Blue Thread is “subtly laced with motifs of blue and Wizard of Oz allusions.” I had to stop and think about this (and wonder about the importance of motifs and allusions - not an English major here. :-? ) I remember the Abby-as-a-young girl section mentioning (more than once) the Wizard of Oz. I always associate the Wizard of Oz with “no place like home” which would fit with the book. (Well, that and those flying monkeys but they fit in less well here.) Trying to remember all the shades of blue is kind of fun: from the Swedish Blue of the swing to sky blue and so on. (Is a shade of blue mentioned in each section?)
^The front walkway as the yellow brick road?
I used the search on my kindle to find all the “blue” in the book and there’s more than I can list here! But for starters, there’s Denny’s “piercing blue eyes,” Amy’s father in a “powder-blue jogging suit,” Carla’s “blue-glass-bead eyes,” Susan’s “slate-blue gaze,” Mrs. Angell’s “blue-white hair,” Dane’s “blue and white” Buick, the workers “blue chambray shirts” and a sky the “unreal blue of a Noxema jar.” Before settling on Swedish blue, Linnie mentions all sorts of others—aqua blue, pale blue, deep-blue, Mediterranean blue, Dutch blue.
I’m surprised I wasn’t aware of the “hue” of the book while reading, but I suppose it must have entered my brain subliminally.
Are any of you Radio Lab fans? There is a very interesting episode about the color blue – or really the lack thereof in early literature:
Here’s the scene from The Wizard of Oz that Abby and Linnie Mae discus on p. 237 (and is the source for the title of Part Two of the book): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaQFWnHhMFk
Going back to Nora for a minute–she was my favorite character after Abby. I liked the inner world of Abby.
Nora. Well just Nora. Was she sincere? Was she part of a religious cult that was not described. She said a strange thing to Abby about why she would not have Stem convert (anyone?) the word confused Abby. I ran into that word recently and it does mean something. (anyone?).
I found her life the most mysterious as Tyler never bothered to let us know what she was really about.
But yes, I was so glad Red was not stuck with her and 3 rambunctious kids at this stage of his life.
@oregon i join those who feel Nora was mysteriously depicted, that there must be “more” to her story.
@ Ignatius- love the " Wizard of oz " concept.
Isn’t the wizard of Oz about “illusions” - Dorothy’s loved ones magically transformed into other characters while she dreamed?
Arent the Whitshank’s a family filled with “illusions”
Weren’t we, as the reader always saying " just who are these people" once their " true stories emerged?
Abby- devoted mother,social worker, or neglecting her family to collect " orphans.
Linnie- sweet little old mother in law or manipulative, cunning,daughter who ran away from her family
Junior- happy family patriach- hardly.
Red- construction worker - former 60s hippie who wanted to wear dashiki to his wife’s funeral
Merrick- beautiful, selfish, rich girl, never satisfied, lonely in the end
Toto- well there were a couple and their identities always confused
And, then finally
Denny- black sheep of the family, who showed the most restraint and kindness in not revealing, Stem’s real mother’s identity, and who turned out not to be gay.
Were we readers going " down the yellow brick road" only to have Anne Tyler, pull the curtain back, revealing an alternative universe?
" we’re not in Kansas/ Baltimore anymore" , meaning the happy family has some, not so happy secrets.
Why do you think Merrick was never statisfied? She did not have kids and did not come around often. Her MIL and the husband she sought and landed were described as undesirable to most of us but still…I am not at all sure that she was not perfectly content and in her way happy.
Abby with her orphans and kids would have thought her unhappy.
I think it depends on the reader’s experience as to whether Merrick was a success in excaping a life she did not want or a failure as she was lonely without close family.
Did I miss something? Did she want kids and not have them?
Or did she not have them and so others decided she had a lonely and unfillfilled life???
Just popping in to say I’m still reading – this book was backed up behind the one for my RL Book Club. Loving the book so far; hope to join the discussion soon.
I like Nora. She was able to stay calm amid the Whitshank family bedlam. She seemed sincere to me. It’s interesting that she calls Stem by his birth name “Douglas”. She gives Stem his own identity outside of the Whitshank family.
@oregon I had to search kindle to answer your question about Merrick.
Found this :
@ Caraid- I, also, liked Nora, she was the rock in the midst of all that turmoil.