This might resonate for many on cc. I had a friend about 6 or 7 years ago tell me that as a parent your goal should be to have your children be good enough to get into state flagship. Anything above that is really up to the kid to be motivated to do the work themselves.
There is probably nothing harder than making a teenager do something they don’t want to.
The only caveat I would put on that is if you can’t afford the state flagship without merit they should be made aware pretty early.
Yes, and I would just caution that the particular high school’s GPA is not always indicative of how a student will score on a national standardized test. I recall years ago a poster claiming their D had a 4.0 in high school but couldn’t get 20 on the ACT. 27 is into the 80th percentiles nationally. This is why finding the academic fit requires the high school GPA, a nationalized test, and the application. It is a combination of all 3 that will help determine an appropriate list of colleges/unis. Experts say that GPA is a better predictor of college academic success because it often reflects the students commitment to doing the work so you are sitting in a slightly better position the way it is.
There is also nothing wrong with having her try the SAT in the spring… It’s a longer test and in some parts of the country longer distances to testing centers but some kids do test better on one or the other, however, my kids ended up pretty much at the same national percentile on both.
This fight over test prep is probably a proxy for the broader issue of being pushed on the college search in general. Were the schools visited her choice or parent choices? Did you start with safeties and matches? Start there. Assume for now that 27 is the score. It is easier to find more selective schools she’d like if her scores come up than to fight over trying to get her scores up for more selective schools.
We limited test prep to 2 hours on Sunday afternoons. Kid would take ONE practice section, then we’d go over the results. Flash cards made for ones she missed. Occasionally a problem taken in and asked math teacher about. If there was time, she did a second section, same process. Then dropped so kid could live her life til next Sunday.
We left a gap between attempts, too. Both tested twice, but it seemed like scheduling them close together was futile — too much pressure to prep in a short time.
I think both kids got close to to the highest scores they were capable of getting. One was restricted by slow processing speed in math. No amount of practice was going to fix that. The other had nearly perfect scores.
Binghamton average score is 29 ACT
Stony Brook is 28 ACT and 1310 SAT
Cornell average score is 32 ACT/ 1480 SAT
She’s doing just fine with your choice of schools.
BTW because I seem to be a person who’s attempting to lower the pressure on the students, on these boards, may I gently recommend to her that she consider some test-optional schools that are known for excellent academics in a low-pressure environment? If so, she may want to consider Mt. Holyoke and Bryn Mawr. Both are women’s schools that are parts of consortia. If she wants men in her classes, then Bryn Mawr may be the better choice as it shares many classes with Haverford and campus facilities. (Bryn Mawr provides Haverford with geology department while Haverford provides Bryn Mawr with a studio art department, for example. The campuses are 1 mile apart.) As part of a consortium, she can take classes at several high-level schools with free transportation to those schools, each school has a different style of learning, and personality, and offers different courses. Bryn Mawr’s consortium schools include Haverford, Swarthmore and University of Pennsylvania. BMC and Haverford also, to reduce pressure on students, have an Honor Code. Mt. Holyoke’s schools include Smith, Hampshire, Amherst, and UMass Amherst. Bryn Mawr and Mt. H also offer excellent aid, both merit and need-based. Other options include Simmons in Boston that gives excellent merit, and Agnes Scott in Georgia and Hollins in Virginia, Mills in California. These schools offer excellent sciences. If she’s interested in sciences it might be helpful to know that women who attend women’s colleges, a much larger percentage major in the sciences than those who attend co-ed schools. Women who choose to attend women’s schools also tend to become leaders in their fields (politics, business, academia, etc.) at a higher percentage than do those who attended co-ed schools.
Mine roadblocked attempts to get them “CC level” enthusastic about self prep. One did take a course, didn’t help much. They did math SAT tutoring via a program at the local Ivy and we wondered if the only reason they kept up with that was the student tutor was so cute.
Not all kids are driven to achieve the quantitative in some new test they know zip about, can’t value. I had zero doubts my kids were learners. I agree with other posters that, right now, for a kid this age getting good grades (and with some rigorous classes,) it’s so important to identify and come to grips with her style of learning, her interests.
If there’s no learning disability or behavioral issue in day to day life, sometimes we need to work WITH them, not against them. Guide her, talk about college, but pick your battles wisely. There are ways to encourage her best without dropping EC, etc. Be an ally.
I have 3 and am going through the college thing with our youngest right now who is a HS senior. We have 2 in college right now; a college senior and a sophomore.
Rebellion - I would say hang on to your seat as the roller-coaster may get even worse. We went through something similar with one of ours and it wasn’t just rebellion with test prep, nor did it end with test prep, nor do we see an end in site. This one, if you gave a GPS to to find a way to California, would ignore, end up in FL, mad that the chosen route didn’t lead to CA and pointing fingers everywhere but to self.
When it came to the youngest, I am MUCH more laid back in ways. I definitely had my expectations for how the youngest would deal with all of this stuff; testing, choices, applications, essays, etc., BUT with the youngest I made all expectations known very clearly from the start. I was also very aware of the stressors that the youngest would come up against, how they could literally result in a child frozen by fear so that was clearly communicated so the youngest wasn’t surprised at all along the way. Yes, I nagged with him too, but always left things with the understanding that hey, if you want to do things this way, you deal with the consequences. He has his list of schools, we sat and reviewed common data sets so he knew what THEY expect of their students, it was up to him to get there. I made it clear that test scores can equate to money and money talks.
Many here on CC are parenting the go-getter, the driven, the achiever - then there’s the parents like me who know what the personal future desires are, can see a pathway to that for them, but everything and anything on that path is a battle. We learned a lot with the middle who was and remains rebellious against things that seem logical - we are wiser , quieter, grey-er! If you are the former, yes, I can see where the prior comment ‘be an ally’ can be beneficial - support, communication are key regardless the student type. If you are closer to my experience, you clearly communicate, attempt to share, but then it’s more of a keep your mouth shut and watch them stumble their way through hoping that personal accountability teaches life lessons. You know your child - they are each so different - you just have to find something that works for your family while keeping accountability and consequences in the picture. This is all learning for them and they do need to learn that when you work hard, it pays off and when you don’t, well sometimes you don’t get where you want to be but you still have to turn around and make it work. Best of luck with your D!
Glad he adjusted (maybe) his expectations. But if he doesn’t, and again insists that you do things his way, you have an easy option - say no. “Dear, I don’t agree with your approach. I’m happy to do everything, but I will do them my way.”
You, too, have a voice.
I have a son who is a little bit of a rebel and I had to learn to back off, get him invested in the process (more on that below), otherwise he was spending his energy/focus on pushing back rather than on the process itself. You may want to check out author Gretchen Rubin’s work and book on The Four Tendencies. One is a Rebel, and she has a quiz and also ways to deal with a rebel spouse, co worker, child. The summary is that it has to be something she WANTS to do, so your efforts would be to help her learn what she wants (for example which schools SHE wants, not the parents) and then the ways to get there (what scores, how far away she is, how and when to prep, etc). And, rebel or not, remember that these are teenagers; they are not going to attack tasks in the same productive, results oriented way as adults do, and independence is a core developmental task - if she thinks you are overbearing on her choices and her future, it’s natural for her to shut down and refuse.
Everyone says how much kids grow between now and junior spring, then over the summer, then from senior Septmenber to 12/31. You’ll see. Your kiddo may perk up for later tests.
I think D1 reacted a little better to SAT considerations after we took her to see a few local colleges her then SAT would qualify her for. But in the end, what we all did was revise the strategy. The nature of her academic interests, activities, thinking, ability to express herself, etc, made her a natural for some colleges where she didn’t quantitatively look like a match.
This is where ECs do matter. Not just anything, but those that show the right aspects, support the narrative.
Have a few great safeties, be positive about their offerings. Don’t compare to Cornell. You have a whole year.
You could always try bribery - it worked for us! 
I think the pressure is too much and the test prep is too soon for this kid, gauging by what you’ve said, OP.
I have one kid who would have totally refused to do anything under pressure like that from mom or dad. It would have been a disaster for sure. (I also tried bribing that kid. It didn’t work either. Just not how this kid operates).
My other two kids didn’t do any kind of serious test prep until spring of junior year. One kid scored a 27 on ACT in march of junior year. She was disappointed and did nothing more until she began to look at colleges more seriously a couple months later. Then she knew (for herself, not from us telling her) what would be required to go where she wanted and she suddenly got serious on her own (no pressure from us) and prepped for the June tests. She spent a full week prepping for ACT and another full week for SAT, full time, after school was done in late May. She got excellent scores on both those tests. Her ACT came up to a 32 and her SAT score was even higher. But all the pressure came from her, not us.
Junior year is intense. She’s going to be fine for college and find the right fit. I’d just back off a bit for now. Give her the option of taking the scheduled tests or not. It will likely be more effective than continuing to push.
Students who rebel grow up to be independent thinkers. It’s healthy. Best to back off and wait until the student becomes invested in the outcome if that happens. It sounds like only parents are invested in the outcome.
Your D needs to own her life and you and your husband need to love her unconditionally anyway. Applying the pressure seems to be counter productive. Let her know that though you will both continue to root for her, you realize that the pressure is counter productive and that you will stop applying pressure and allow her the freedom to make her own choices. Then mean it.
There is no reason to fear her making mistakes. We all make them, and we all recover from them. Your D will be her best when she’s self motivated and wants it. Finding that motivation might involve making some mistakes. So what?
A 27 is not so bad.
This was my step daughter - somewhere she got the notion that these tests ‘didn’t matter to anyone’ - and that she could ‘get into’ whatever school she wanted as is – TRUE I guess but it bit her in the butt when it came to scholarships and then she found herself with fewer choices that we were willing to pay for - but we made her live with that
Sometimes rebellion can actually be anxiety in disguise.
Linking to a post I wrote about learning about some of the different forms stress and anxiety can take while we ourselves were immersed in the process…
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/2105829-anxiety.html#latest
Jensmom27, I read your post. Thanks so much for sharing. I feel like the veil is being lifted from my eyes. I am trying to process everything I am learning so that we can make positive changes.
As scout59 says, some of this seems so much less important looking back. But it is very hard in the moment to look at the kid who is capable of As getting B+s (my oldest was king to your queen) - 800 on SAT2, 5 on APUSH with B+ in the class.
Sometimes kids improve when the tests count, as they are just more focused.
What makes it hard to balance is reading about parents whose kids respond to having a really high bar with encouragment. Until you are there, it is not possible to know whether the kid will see a 27 as a score to beat or will be content with that number.
Not sure why the suggestion of community college is being made here. A 27 is not a bad score and she is more than capable of a 4-year school. The ACT range for Buffalo for example is 25-30.
@mom2and I’m exactly there. 5s on APs with B+s in class. A decent gpa and act but I know it’s not representative of what she can achieve…at the end of the day I decided not to push too hard because I didn’t want her high school career to be remembered just as a period of anxiety and stress. Of course now we are in the college process and I’m second-guessing, but it is what it is …and there’s always grad school 
Whiat if you allowed your daughter to take the test cold? No prep. Just to try it.
My son was predicted to get a 27 or 28 on the ACT from some practice type test that the high school administered. We allowed him to go in cold to the ACT the first time he took it. He surprised himself with a 31. Quite possibly because he was relaxed about the whole thing and neither he nor I had any expectations for him. After scoring the 31, he became motivated to prepare for the ACT because we had the illuminating “imagine if you’d preppred?” conversation. He self studied, and I did have to push enough, but it was enough that he went up to a 34. He debated repeatedly whether to then try for a 36, but in the end decided he was happy with a 34 and would just be done with it.
I will pile on, when your child is ready, have her try a SAT practice test too. Some kids do markedly better on one format over the other. If the results are comparable, let your child choose which test is more palatable.
@intparent 's prep suggestions are realistic and sustainable. A couple hours a week should be plenty. Personally I would rebel over 1-2 hours per day.
There are also phone apps along the lines of “question of the day” that might be more fun.
Has your child expressed any preferences about what kind of college might be of interest to her? Is she avoiding the college process altogether? Many kids just don’t want to engage - they are scared and/or anxious about what looms ahead and enter into denial. Some genuinely don’t want to leave home and that’s OK.
If you haven’t done so already, visit a couple of campuses of varying qualities - small LAC, large state U, urban campus, etc. Encourage her to choose a few that she might like to visit. Often when a campus clicks, the motivation follows.
I wanted to update you. She got a 31 on her first try. She wants to take it again to try to get a higher score but doesn’t seem too motivated right now. Do you think June is too far away ?