Yes, it is true that anyone can have a bad health event or even a chronic condition diagnosed. All each of us can do is our best to be as healthy as we are able to–not beating ourselves up over what we don’t do but trying to do more things that WE KNOW are better for us. One guy who used to work for me had two heart attacks (years apart) before age 40. He was slim, fit, exercised regularly, vegetarian, and tried to be as healthy as possible. We agreed that if he weren’t so healthy at the time he had this heart attacks, he would like be dead. He has stopped working night shifts and only works during the day now, which is probably better for his health, even though it doesn’t pay as well as the differential he used to get for working nights.
Life can be very random. I just felt I was supposed to take his death and DO something - and maybe it is not quite that simple.
@rockvillemom, it’s never too late to DO something positive. Sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what that something is.
Good advice. Thank you. More productive to reevaluate what I want to do than beat myself up for what I have not done.
So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Should this be so difficult? Is it correct that you wanted to honor your friend by resolving to lose weight and get healthier? (through exercise or eating). You CAN start today. Head out and take a mile walk. Do some sit ups in your living room. Choose a healthier dinner tonight or by pass the ice cream later. A small thing here and there can lead to bigger things when you build confidence and success.
To start, it doesn’t have to be a fancy, well calculated plan. Just do SOMETHING. Do something everyday. Then you will be more motivated to expand that plan and make progress. If we wait for the perfect plan, we waste time planning, thinking, etc. You’re alive and kicking - you have the option. Will you take it???
Agree with @abasket. Don’t allow yourself to be paralyzed (I do this more often than I like to admit). Just take small steps–maybe forgo desserts or eat smaller portions or walk 5-10 minutes/day and gradually work up. You can do this!
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I honestly thought this experience would make a huge difference in my life. I am ashamed to say it has not. Oh, I remember him every day and feel sad, but concrete changes? Not so much. Why is that?
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Maybe because the changes you’re thinking about are huge things. "I need to get in shape. " “I need to lose X pounds.” For me, these kinds of goals are so intimidatingly big that I find myself never starting at all. They’re also a setup to feel crappy about yourself. You don’t need that.
The strategy that seems to work for me is to break the goal down into small (tiny) chunks. Instead of “I need to get in shape,” it was “I’m going to stop by that gym in my neighborhood after work today, to get information about joining.” Instead of “I need to lose 25 pounds,” it was “I’m going to eat only fresh fruit after 7:00 pm.” I find that achieving those tiny goals gives me a sense of accomplishment which in turn makes it a little easier to take the next tiny step.
My condolences on the loss of your friend. ((( )))
Thank you. I am just disappointed in myself that a month went by and I accomplished nothing. I feel like I have dis-honored my friend’s memory. He would tell me I am being ridiculous. Thank you for the encouragement.
On a positive note, I realized I was putting off some social opportunities because I want to wait until I lost weight. But today - I reached out to a mutual friend from hs that I have not seen in 30 years - and invited her to get together in September. So, I am honoring my deceased friend in that way at least.
Good. And remember that it’s only been a month and you’re still in the grieving process. Don’t beat yourself up. Big changes take big time.
Set small, specific goals for yourself instead of expecting big changes. That’s just too overwhelming to accomplish. And it seems that you’ve already made progress on seizing social opportunities, so give yourself a pat on the back for that one.
There you go, Rockvillemom. Small steps. Measurable goals. Hugs.
Perfect is the enemy of good.
In other words, take tiny steps. You don’t have to do everything. All you have to do is one thing.
There’s also, A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
And, You know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
All saying the same thing – just start. One thing at a time. That’s all anyone can do.
I read this thread before going out to a bbq dinner. Was going to be good. And then this piece of chocolate cake jumped onto my plate. Complete with fork.
And the waiter stood there with a knife at your throat and forced you to eat it all, hey?
For me, I find it easiest to just have tastes of dessert. Generally, the first bite is best and generally enough for me. I don’t feel deprived but don’t have a ton of extra calories, win/win.
S2 left to go back to college today - so that will help - less food in the house - and less eating out. I guess I thought the death of a close friend would shock me into a healthier lifestyle - but it did not happen. I’m just surprised by my behavior. But the empty nest will help - onward.
Didnt say I ate it all. But ate enough.
And said it was a bbq. No waiter.
Hey OP, I cannot recall, has anyone suggested a fitbit for your get in shape routine. I think it depends on your personality type, for me it has been fantastic. I have used one for two years and am pretty sure I am moving more at all times of most days than previously, even though my basic routine has not changed, my attitude and my OCD tendencies 
mean I am seeking to add more walks and more steps to each day. It’s not the right tool for everyone, but if you can find your right tool, that could help you make a change.
@rock ills mom: sometimes a death makes us stop caring for ourselves as a way of denying that we are vulnerable. Local police point out that teens tend to drive more hazardously right after a classmate dies in a car accident.
My wake up call recently came in the form of a double whammy. A sudden move twisted my back and aggregated my worsening spinal arthritis. Two weeks later I had bloodworm done and my cholesterol level had soared. I have started PT and exercise and given up soft drinks and most fats. Today I had barbecued chicken dinners delivered (had ordered them before the bloodwork as part of a fundraiser). I was gonna splurge on it but found I couldn’t force myself to eat the chicken skin that I used to love. I will never be able to run or get to a size 8 but I will be healthier.
Very interesting point. The fact that a friend my exact age suddenly died - which means something similar could happen to me is something I have tried very hard NOT to think about directly. Vague promises to lose weight and live healthier - easier thoughts.