Academic Pressure At Episcopal vs Andover, Choate, Hotchkiss, etc

[DrPrimo]

I knew I’d get pushback… so I’m not surprised. That’s why I’m not saying what has happened to us and many families once we got to a tippy top school. So take it for what it’s worth, new families. It’s all dependent on your expectations, how academic your student is etc. I’ve given you some things to think about.

[gardenstategal]

@DrPrimo is not the only poster here who has had some disappointment with the BS chosen. I can’t speak to their particular situation, but will say that it is not unusual to have expectations of the school and your kid’s experience there that differ in reality. I don’t believe that the schools create a fiction, but applicants fill in a lot around what’s provided - for a number of reasons - and then there’s a crack between what you thought it would be and what it is.

There are almost certainly going to be kids from VERY wealthy families, and that will play out in different ways - from dress to weekend plans to breaks. While many people want an environment where their bright kids will “finally have true peers”, few fully imagine what this actually looks like. College matriculation will be different for families that can be FP and those needing FA - just as it is everywhere.

Folks on this forum try to give a heads-up on all of this, but as in most things, everyone sort of needs to discover how this looks for them.

[LDNJ]

@DrPrimo I am so sorry to hear your concerns. I think we came into Choate with our eyes wide open with respect to college admissions. We had been told by our consultant not to assume you have a better chance at top schools, and I feel like we heard that from some of the BS schools as well. I do believe that our daughter probably would have had a better chance to get into a top school if she stayed at our PS, which is an amazing school. However, my daughter chose Choate because of the broader opportunities she felt it would give to form her interests and bonds that would last a lifetime. My daughter is thriving there, and I couldn’t imagine her anywhere else. I agree that there are legacies and athletes that may not be as academically focused as my daughter, but I am grateful that she is exposed the diversity Choate has to offer. It in no way, from what I can tell, has impacted her own academic experience. She has commented to me that Choate is teaching her how to think and feels the teachers really care about her and her education. I can see that as well in my interactions with her teachers and advisor.

Regarding Door Dash - our daughter is not a big DD person but her friends are and I think you are going to find that at every school frankly.

@boardingquestions and @kwes_cat - I think this demonstrates that there is no singular experience. If you survey any school, you will find a range of people - but hopefully most enjoy their time. What is most important is that you think about what environment meets your interests and objectives. I caution you to not be heavily guided by what you perceive or expect. Due diligence is key. Please feel free to DM me, as I would be happy to talk further.

Best of luck!

[Sunnyside2225]

My kid’s tippy top boarding school (not Choate) also has a good number of kids who are being tutored with private tutors. The school frowns upon it, but a good number of students are doing this quietly. I was shocked when another parent confided in me that her child had an online calc tutor twice per week and that she knew of at least 4 others in the class that had private online tutors as well…

There are no guarantees in college admission anymore, feeders, etc. My advice is to pick the school that will enhance your child’s educational experience. My child loves the rigor and challenges they get at their tippy top boarding school. Will they get into an Ivy? Nope, likely not. They aren’t there for that. BS offered a type of education that was not able to be found in our town. You have to reframe your thinking away from school being a means to an end, and instead select based on what kind of learning experience your child wants to have.