<p>Call from school nurse: This is the school nurse. Your D is here lying down in the infirmary. She just fainted at school. What do you want me to do with her?</p>
<p>Had to fight with the school nurse to be allowed to pick D up!</p>
<hr>
<p>Yes, people in authority DO need to be more careful about what they say to us to keep from shortening our lives! If you have a choice, NEVER let a teen call a parent to tell them their child was injured with a hatchet with no details other than they’re heading to the ER!</p>
<p>(from Orange County, California in September '07, freshman year)…</p>
<p>"Well yeah, there are fires but maybe 20 miles away. The sky’s really orange, but I mean just one side of the sky. The other side is blue. I took pictures; wanna see? </p>
<p>Aw ma, don’t worry about the fires. It’s the ashes that are the real problem."</p>
<p>DS (freshman year) sounding sad and scared: “I have the stomache flu and have been throwing up all night. Everyone is sick and some have been throwing up blood and were taken to the emergency room.”</p>
<p>Me: Actually wondered if it was helicoptering to call the school (yeesh) and decided throwing up blood was reason enough to contact school authorities. Wound up contacting a prof at son’s request since exams were about to be missed. Rotavirus ran through the whole dorm. DS missed all first term finals and had to make every single one up.</p>
<p>My kids are oblivious to the weather. I can’t figure it out, especially since I am a weather channel addict. So, I watch the weather for them…
Mid Nov and hurricaine Ida has just become a nor’easter and bearing down on coastal Va where my d attends college.
It’s 8 am - I text her to put her car in a garage - it floods there all the time.
8:20 am - I text again
8:22 am - I call. Voice mail and leave message.
9:00 am - I check school website and determine classes were canceled.
9:15 am - I call and text again - nothing.
10:00 am She calls.
D - “Mom, I drove through a puddle and my car died”
Me - call a tow truck
D- I am just going to let it dry out and get it later
Me - the city is flooding! take care of your car and by the way - where were you
D- coming back from “a friends house”; I got a ride home, we will just wait until the rain stops.
Me - decide not to pursue coming back from a friends house at 8:30 on a Thursday morning
long story short…
Three days later… the rain stops, she goes to the car which miraculously was not towed away.
D - Mom, how do you use jumper cables.
Me - find someone who has used them before.
D- nevermind - we read the directions</p>
<p>20 mins later -
D- Mom, the car won’t start, I am calling for a tow truck.</p>
<p>2 hours later -
Insurance company calling about a claim. She tells me that since she drove through 1-2 feet of water the vehicle was “submerged” and it’s a claim.
Me: How deep was that puddle???
Car was indeed totalled.</p>
<p>Did we do this to our parents? Ah, the blessing of cell phones. </p>
<p>D: Calling from Lima, Peru, - “Hey, mom. I’m really worried. The girl who lives in the house I stayed in last night left, and she locked me in. This is a kind of sketchy area. I don’t know when she’ll be back, if ever.” </p>
<p>D: Calling from hospital on opposite coast: " Hi, um(sniffle), I’m ok now. But I passed out in the Post Office. They called an ambulance and took me ER, but I was so embarrassed because I threw up on these people in line and myself, and now I want to go home and I don’t have anything clean to wear (sniffle)."</p>
<p>The fun doesn’t stop when they come home.
S was abroad for six months with relatively little mishap. During our happy reunion breakfast where we get the details about his trip, we hear, " I guess I need to tell you guys. I’ve might have TB. My room mate is pretty sick and was tested positive, and so did (other close friend)."</p>
<p>D’s first Thanksgiving waiting for the airport bus at Ohio State. This bus only runs around breaks; it’s not a daily bus. I had told her to catch the earliest bus and not wait until the one that would barely get her there on time. The day before Thanksgiving…</p>
<p>D: I’ve been waiting for the bus for a long time.
M: What time was it scheduled to be there? What time did you get out there?
D: There are other people waiting too.</p>
<p>Helicopter blades whirrrlling… call Columbus Transit Authority… ask about the special route… they contact the driver… “Yeah, that bus ran a few minutes ago and is on the way to the airport”… M: Ummm, there is a group of students at the corner of such and such that have been waiting for almost an hour. “What? Let me check with the driver?” </p>
<p>It turns out the driver was new, the route runs infrequently, and* he was not driving the posted route! * The dispatch people said they couldn’t get another bus out there so the students would have to wait until the driver returned from the airport. Dispatch would make sure he ran the correct route.</p>
<p>And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we don’t wait to catch the bus at the last moment.</p>
<p>Another car 2-1/2 months later and it snows. biggest storm in 20 years. I watch the weather. D is oblivious. I start calling two days prior - get the car off the street and into a garage. She moves the car into a parking lot Friday night. Storm hits on Saturday.</p>
<p>Monday evening:
D - sobbing uncontrollably… Mom, my car won’t start! (sob, sob) It sounds just like it did when I drove through the puddle.
Me: <em>eyeroll</em>. Calm down - have you driven it since Friday night?
D - sob, No, sob
Me: the battery is probably dead
D- but it doesn’t do anything, just like the other car
Me: Honey, well, yes. But the difference is this time you didn’t drive it into 18" of water.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p>same kid a couple of weeks ago -
Sunday morning she is 350 miles away:
D- Mom, I don’t have any heat. What should I do?
Me: Did you call your landlord?
D - No.<br>
Me: why are you bothering me? call the landlord.</p>
<p>Medical emergency:
D wakes up with pinkeye. claims she isn’t sick. I explain how important it is to get to the health center and she gets eye drops. They don’t work so she goes back on a Friday.
they prescribe Keflex.
Sat am she calls me…
D - I took the Keflex last night and my face is all swollen and I itch all over.
Me - omg - you are having an allergic reaction. get to the hospital and don’t take any more pills.
D - Do I have to go to the hospital? find me a urgent care clinic.
Me - There is an urgent care clinic two miles away - go there now. it’s 9 am and they are just opening.
D - I don’t have a car (died in the flood)
Me- do any roommates have a car?
D - Emily does
Me - can you wake her?
D - she only got home at 5 am.
Me - please make sure she is sober if she is driving you.</p>
<p>Monday:
D: “Mom, I don’t feel good, I just threw up” (1,000 miles away)
Me: “Take a nap, then dry toast or crackers & 7-up for a few hours, okay”</p>
<p>Friday:
D: “Mom, I haven’t been feeling good all week… my stomach is upset”
Me: “Don’t drink milk. Why don’t you go to the health clinic?”</p>
<p>Friday night at midnight:
Me thinks: “Ack - - what if D is PREGNANT?”</p>
<p>Saturday am:
Me: “Um, D? You said you haven’t been feeling well… should you… try a home pregnancy test?”
D: vvveerrryy long silence. Then gales of laughter. Informs me it would be the second most famous virgin birth ever if she is pregnant!
Me: Sheepish, but relieved…</p>
<p>Me:S2, I just got the call from your school that you were absent from first period.
Wanna tell me whY???
S2: Well, there were these peacocks in the road…
Me: What???
S2: Haven’t you ever seen them? They belong to some old guy and just walk around the
road by school all the time. So today we were following Daniel’s girlfriend to school.
She’s like the worst girl driver in the world. The peacocks come walking out in the
road and she freaks, slams on breaks and drives into the ditch. It’s Daniel’s gf.<br>
We couldn’t just drive by. We stopped and pushed her car out of the ditch but by
then,we’re late for first period. So we figured, it would be much smarter to just
wait until 2nd period instead of getting in trouble for going in late to 1st.</p>
<pre><code> Everybody agreed. We really had no choice. We went to Waffle House.
</code></pre>
<p>this thread is too funny for me to read. I had a total abdominal hysterectomy 5 days ago and laughing HURTS.</p>
<p>I got a “I have a proposition for you” phone call from S last fall.</p>
<p>I knew he had 2 credit cards and was probably running up bills.</p>
<p>S says, instead of giving me money for food, can you pay my cc bills instead.
After getting all his banking info, I nearly had a heart attack. This kid earned over 11K in 2008 (not including cash I gave him since he wasn’t on food plan) and he managed to run up nearly 4300 in cc debt. The interest rates were really high and making min payments was leaving him over credit limit and incurring more charges.</p>
<p>The DAY before this phone call he bought a $323 winter coat from a store that doesn’t give cash refunds (only store credit). I wanted to kill him.</p>
<p>So I got a new cc in my name with 1% rate for 10 months and paid 3% of balance to transfer debt. Now he has to use his work money for FOOD. </p>
<p>6 weeks after this I see he bought a $185 pair of diesal jeans. I blew a gasket and told him I was cancelling all his magazine subscriptions (one of which was 77 a year).</p>
<p>I wish chase bank hadn’t encouraged him to run up this debt by upping his limits. I wish the new rules now in effect (under 21, need a cosigner, had been in effect in 2008)</p>
<p>Not from one of the kids, but 85 year old mother in law.</p>
<p>MIL: I am setting up a new printer for my computer; what do I do with this tape?
Husband: What tape?
MIL: The tape that came in the box.
H: Do you mean the disk?
MIL: Maybe
H: Insert it and follow the directions.</p>
<p>Husband tells me about the phone call and I ask if he told her the disk goes in the computer not the printer. He said no, he didn’t specify, but he was sure she would know.</p>
<p>MIL calls a couple of hours later and says she can not find where the disk goes. He has not patients to try to lead her to the right place, although he did say it was on the front of her tower and may be under a flap. When she still couldn’t find where to put the disk, husband tells he to walk away from it and I would come over in a few days or the weekend to do it for her. I will go over there; I thought it was his mother!!</p>
<p>My hope is that one of her grandchildren that live around the corner from her will stop by and take care of it, but I am sure she would not want to bother them. It always seems easier to call us! What goes around, comes around ;-)</p>
<p>From S2’s school: Mrs Muppetmom, your son is in the health room. He is having an allergic reaction. I am calling 911.</p>
<p>And Again some months later: Mrs Muppetmom, S2 is having another allergic reaction. We have called 911.</p>
<p>And Again the next year: We have called 911 and used his EPI-Pen. WHERE are YOU?</p>
<p>(S2 has food allergies and kept developing new ones).</p>
<p>From S1: Mom we were in an accident. I rear-ended someone. But it’s OK because D is not crying.</p>
<p>From S1 on the same accident: Mom, have you left the house yet?<br>
Me: Your Dad should be there in 5 minutes
S1: Because I left my drivers liscense and wallet in my other uniform pants. The police want to see it.</p>
<p>S1: Dad, I am at the police station. can you come get me?
S1: Dad, I am at a party and I think I shouldn’t be here. Can you come get me? (this we are hoping is showing a small step towards common sense)
S1: Mom, I think I am failing this class.
S1: Mom, I don’t want to come back next semester.
S1: (from earlier in his teenage years) Mom, they are going to throw me out of camp I think. Can you come get me.</p>
<p>D1: Mom, S1 was in an accident. I think I am fine. But the policeman scares me. Can you come right now! (the policeman was really very nice, but he was huge and she was a wee bit traumatized from the accident)
D1: Mom, sob, sob, sob, I fell on my (very expensive) instrument. sob sob sob and I have the solo in the concert next week sob sob sob. Can you help me sob sob sob (we are 500 miles away and it’s the 4th of July).</p>
;)</p>