Actual phone calls you do NOT want to receive from your child

Parent Cafe
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<p>When my DD was in 7th grade: "Mommy, can you come pick me up?
Me: “Why?”
DD: “Because there is a shooter across the street from the school.”</p>

<p>Turns out they were releasing the children a few at a time out the back of the school as their parents arrived to get them. My DD called me from a teacher’s cell phone. Why the school didn’t call me, I’ll never know. The shooter was there in the morning when the kids arrived. They never should have been taken there by the school buses. Arghhhhhh!</p>

<p>DS a few weeks ago from 1200 miles away: “Mom, I think I broke my shoulder.”</p>

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<p>“Mom, if a car gets towed, where do they take it? Does it cost anything to get it back?”</p>

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<p>I’m snowed in and having a ball catching up on this thread!</p>

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<p>I swear this is true, July 2009: “Mom, Leah and I took a wrong turn a little too fast trying to find the Jamba Juice on the way home! The car is stuck on the railroad tracks! I think it’s broken…”</p>

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<p>D1: "Mom, don’t panic … (pause) … my car’s gone.</p>

<p>Yes - it had been towed. Lesson learned by D1 - She spent the day locating and paying for the return of her car. Sometimes, I appreciate the distance that allows me to say honestly: “Honey, even if I wanted to do so, I can’t help you with this. Handle it.”</p>

<p>Scarier: I talked with my son - diagnosed with Swine Flu the previous afternoon - around 10 at night. He felt better and planned to do some reading for classes he missed. </p>

<p>However:</p>

<p>Son’s roommate @ 2:30 am: “Hi we’re (both roommates) driving ‘Little Ignatius’ to the ER. He’s having trouble breathing. Can you give us his insurance information?”</p>

<p>“Little Ignatius” turned out to have a swollen throat from coughing so much rather than the more serious complications of Swine Flu. He had a IV, a shot for nausea, a breathing treatment - and prescriptions to relieve coughing and swollen throats. He stayed at the hospital about four hours and his roommates continued to keep me up-to-date while I showered and packed. Turns out I didn’t go, though I remained packed and ready to go for the next week.</p>

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<p>You ALL beat me:</p>

<p>7th grade-“Mom…I’m scared, I made Hard Tack and there are black things floating all around in the air” (hard tack = flour and water used for “food” in the civil war they were studying, she put it in the microwave on a melamine plate and went and TOOK A SHOWER while it cooked…the plate basically disintegrated and the black stuff was plastic all throughout the house).</p>

<p>8th grade-“Mom…I’m pretty sure there is someone outside the house I can see him in the bushes and hear him!” (in a horrifying voice!). I’d had to go back to work in the evening and she was home alone at night for the first time. I was 20 minutes from home and PETRIFIED, wondering whether or not to call 911. </p>

<p>12the grade-a text “Well, I’m inside the school and safe now…that’s all I’ll say for now”. (WHAT?! NO it isn’t, what happened? Had to wait until the end of school day to find out it was a one car mini wreck, slid on ice into the curb).</p>

<p>12th grade-5 minutes ago “Mom, my cell phone keeps ringing and ringing so I thought it was an emergency and went to the bathroom and checked the voicemail and it’s the hospital! Something about you or me but I don’t understand them! Is something wrong!?” (I call them back and it’s a 5 year old $12 refund and they need our new address…I assume she’s being “auto dialed”, and have no CLUE how they got her cell phone!). </p>

<p>MUCH worse are the calls that start with "Hello, is this ____'s Mother?</p>

167

<p>This thread is a hoot!</p>

<p>A friend told me about this call he got from his daughter who had recently graduated college and was living in her first apartment:</p>

<p>D: Dad, the fire alarm is going off in the building and I can see flames in the windows of the other wing of the building. What should I do?</p>

<p>Dad: GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BUILDING!!</p>

<p>The fire was contained to one apartment at the other end of the building fortunately.</p>

<p>I was glad my two sons never had to call me for advice on such obvious matters.</p>

168

<p>3 am EST. 8 am Paris. Sixteen year old son travelling from NYC to Provence France for year abroad changing planes at Charles deGaule. Has completed third level high school French, but not fluent (yet)</p>

<p>Mom, I’m trying to find my plane but it’s in a different terminal and no one will help me. I went out through security by mistake and I’m going back in but I don’t know where my gate is. My plane leaves in 45 minutes.</p>

<p>When my foggy brain cleared, I told him to find someone in a UNIFORM, muster up his very best French, and say he needed help. It all turned out OK, he made his plane, he got to the south of France and he had a great year. And now he’s so fluent that people think he <em>is</em> French.</p>

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<p>but an envelope, addressed to ds, then senior in college in upstate NY, return address of a trucking comany in Las Vegas - no note or explanation, just ds’s TN drivers license.</p>

<p>Son had just finished a course in DC and returned to NY. I gave it to DH to handle, who laughed and said, I am sure there is a story here.</p>

170

<p>Older sisters get some gritty ones from younger siblings. I get the “help me” messages that my brother (age 25, occupation: electrical engineering grad student) doesn’t want to send to our parents. Looking through my recent text messages yielded the following:</p>

<p>Brother: Bus… so… full… Riders… so… drunk…
Me: What the heck are you doing on a bus…?
Brother: Drinking!</p>

<p>Brother: My labmate wants me to text you something inappropriate. “**** ****.”</p>

<p>Brother: **** it. On Thursday, the National Science Foundation will be receiving my ‘comedy application.’</p>

<p>Brother: (stream of profanity). The current tenants of my new apartment aren’t moving out, so I don’t have a new apartment.
Me: Didn’t you sign something with the new guys to hold it? What else do they have available.
Brother: Yes, I did. I don’t know, I’m waiting to hear back from them.
Me: Have some candy and/or a beer. These things work out; they always do.
Brother: Crisis averted. New apartment is exactly the same, with hardwood floors, but on the sixth floor.</p>

<p>Brother: How do I know which side of the street I should be on for my bus?</p>

171

<p>A couple of years ago my then 24 year old college graduate decided to go to Scotland with her cousin for New Years. They were visiting a Scot sailor she met while working at the inner harbor in Baltimore.
Cousin lives in Mass so they decided to fly out of Boston on Christmas Day in the evening to get a cheap flight.
D drives up to NE on Christmas eve morning to stay with her cousin and aunt in NH before going to the airport. it is an 8 hour drive.<br>
8 pm Christmas Eve, the phone rings.</p>

<p>D: (frantic) I forgot my passport! I left it in the printer when I made a copy of it.
Me: Lifts up the cover of the printer - there is the passport.</p>

<h1>Her dad went to bed. Got up at 2 am and drove the passport to Boston.</h1>

<p>Same trip. Going through customs in Edinburgh. Officers asks the girls where they will be staying. They have no clue what the address is - just the guys name. Apparently you are supposed to know where you will be staying…</p>

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<p>S2: I’m headed home from the defensive driving course that the judge made me take. I think we need new tires on the truck.
Me: Why do we need new tires?
S2: Well, after the defensive driving part, they had us do an obstacle course. I was cornering around the cones and racing a Corvette. I think I “cooked” the tires. The steel belts are showing on the sides.
Me: ???
S2: I almost beat the Corvette. I was only 4.5 seconds slower. (he drives a 13 y/o pickup truck)</p>

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<p>Son: Mom, when was the last time I had a tetanus shot? (Sounds of party in background)
Me: I don’t know.
Son: Oh, OK. Well I guess it’s alright now. The bleeding has stopped.
Hangs up.</p>

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<p>^^^ HA! </p>

<p>From S, who is traveling alone, at age 20:<br>
“Mom, I landed in Spain, but the people who were supposed to meet me at the airport aren’t here, and the phone number they gave me doesn’t work. What do I do?”</p>

<p>This one was an email, from Spain, 2 weeks later: “So, I may need to reconsider my travel plans, or you might have to send me $280. I’m not sure yet. If you’re wondering how I came up with such an exact number, its 200 euros converted to dollars. If you’re wondering why I need 200 euros, its because I GOT F***ING PICK POCKETED AT AN ATM.”</p>

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<p>D called to tell me couldn’t remember her PIN to her bank account and was unable to get cash needed to pay for an activity. . .then, in the middle of that conversation she says:</p>

<p>“OMG, and now I just realized my cell phone is missing! I just looked in my pockets, drawer, desk. . .Shoot! where could it be?”</p>

<p>Mom: “Aren’t you talking to me on your cell phone?”</p>

<p>D: “Oh. Yeah.”</p>

<p>(Brought to you by the left-handed blond who bubbled her name wrong on the PSAT)</p>

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<p>^^^^^^</p>

<p>Hey, I’ve done that myself before, more than once actually. Yes, I too am blond.</p>

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<p>Similar, but not a phone call. DD2 was headed overseas for a semester. She had bought a one-way ticket, despite my warning that other countries want to see that you have the means to actually leave when you say you will. Also had a program longer than the 90 day “no-visa needed” window, which worked because they would be spending 2 weeks in another country, then re-entering. Did she bring that paperwork to the airport? Did she have proof of the return ticket bought later? nope. I got to just step aside and let her deal with the airline people. </p>

<p>I have had the “Mom, how do you get lot’s of blood out of a parka” phone call. DS hit a snow fence while skiing. Large scalp wound. Lots of blood. By the time he called it was obvious that he either had a concussion or had taken pain meds. “Did the ski patrol put you in a sled?” “Ummmm, I don’t know - I guess” He later showed me the scene of the accident - smack dab at the bottom of a steep run and about 50’ from the parking lot.</p>

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<p>S: Um, mom, what do you do when you put your name in the wrong order on the standardized test?</p>

<p>What ensued was a prolonged conversation with very UNHELPFUL College Board (they gave the wrong info that you will just have to have two sets of records that you can’t merge & have to pay for BOTH to be sent to all schools who need that info), followed by a much shorter conversation by HS guidance counselor with CB, with S in the room to merge the records, correcting the error in S’s name. WHEW! It was surprising that BOTH conversations I had with CB were unequivocal that S would have to have two different records forever for that one mistake. That was the day I almost kissed the GC!</p>

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<p>I thought this thread was going to peter out. I am so glad it didn’t! I am really enjoying it, makes my sons seem so normal.</p>

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<p>call received from daughter studying abroad who was in Hungary traveling:</p>

<p>D: What do I do if I faint and hit my head when eating in a Hungarian coffee house?</p>

<p>Me: Were you with friends, did you pass out?</p>

<p>D: Yes I was with friends I think I fainted briefly; the food looked weird, the eggs weren’t cooked well and made me squeamish (She is very particular, talks herself into getting lightheaded at the thought of a blood test, etc)</p>

<p>Me: Go to a dr or hospital! (she had about 3 types of travel medical insurance lol)</p>

<p>D: Oh I don’t want to go to any crazy drs in Hungary. Besides this happened 3 or 4 days ago. I am fine, i was just asking at this point. I have a small bump on the head but am fine.</p>

<p>From son, also traveling abroad while with his high school class:</p>

<p>S: Mom I think someone stole my wallet, it was on the bus (locked bus) in my backpack but I can’t find it anywhere.</p>

<p>Me: Are you sure, did you check the backpack thoroughly?</p>

<p>S: Absolutely it is not there.</p>

<p>Me: Was your passport in it </p>

<p>S: No, but my wallet was.</p>

<p>Ok, so he had to replace all ID from wallet, some money, etc.</p>

<p>Several months later, son had gotten new backpack, I went through the old backpack; wallet was securely zipped in an inside pocket.</p>