Dear god, why would anyone want to go off to college glued to the hips of their high school friends? I loved my high school friends and kept in touch with them, but college is such a wonderful opportunity to broaden your horizons, meet new and different people and explore different interests and aspects of yourself. What a waste to treat it as an extension of high school.
And as many people have pointed out, a top school will be full of people in the same boat, not knowing anyone and looking to meet new people. That’s much of what freshman orientation is for.
I agree with Millie210. In some systems with large public schools that accept tons of students from the instate high schools, such as the 4 university centers in NY, there is a tendency for many students to glom onto those they know from high school and stick to them like glue. And that is true for international students too. So there is a surprising level of segregation by high school (and by ethnicity too). For those students, college isn’t much more than grades 13-16; Really just an extension of high school. And, you can see it in the conduct of those students too. In comparison to those who purposely tried to meet new people (especially people from different kinds of backgrounds than their own), those who glom onto their high school buddies seem immature and limited.
Some of us like our high school friends. Some even MARRY their high school friends. I think it is strange that so many on CC claim they (or their kids) never want to see even one person at their college from their high school, that they want a new start, that they don’t want anyone to know anything about their prior life (except that they were val or prom queen or winner of the robotics team competition?)
I went to a different school than my hs friends because of a move, but my group of friends all went together, a couple roomed together. We stayed friends, we were in each other’s weddings. And all met other kids too and it worked for a really good college experience. We had a university in our town and some of our hs friends stayed at home and went to school there. They were friends too. We actually all liked each other. My niece and her BFF liked being friends at school. They went on different study abroad programs and visited country to country (and with about 10 other friends, some from high school, some from college).
The OP asked what kids do if they don’t know anyone. They make friends, just like the new kid has to after a hs move, or army brats have to, or kids who go far away have to. Not everyone starts college without knowing anyone. One of my daughters went 2000 miles away but only 150 miles away from where she went to Kindergarten. One classmate from K lived in her dorm, the other (yes, she knew 2 kids out of 10,000) is in the same sorority. And she now knows hundreds of kids. Both old and new friends are good. The only person she didn’t want to go to college with is her sister, but they talk to each other more now than when their bedrooms were 3 feet apart.
Leaving home and going to a new school out of state is a great adventure for a lot of kids. I left Ohio to go to college in Fairbanks, Alaska, and my first day in Fairbanks was one of the most exhilarating days of my life.
its the title of this thread that is misleading. There is an implication in it that going to an “elite” school out of state is some huge adjustment. But that kids who go to schools that are not elite schools won’t have this college,adjustment issue.
I say…poppycock. It doesn’t matter if the school is elite or not…or even the size.
Some kids have more difficulty adjusting to college life than others…period. Even kids who go to all those other colleges that are not elite. Or colleges in their own state.
Why would anyone think kids going to “elite” schools have some different set of issues?
And for the record…the VAST majority of college students are attending colleges outside of the top 100.
@lostaccount brought up an interesting and accurate point, but I would like to add that these observations are also seen at some " popular" OOS publics. Our HS sends 10+ kids every year to a handful of OOS publics. These kids hang together and often make friends from their same home state who are just like their HS friends. Many of these kids ( not all) do not take advantage of the outstanding opportunities that these OOS publics have to offer, which in my opinion is one of the main reasons to attend.
Even if a HS sends a lot of students to a college, it doesn’t mean those kids were all friends. One of mine went to our state flagship and had a lot of classmates go too, but only one was a friend. They didn’t room together and made other friends but ended up generally in the same friend group. He now has a great group of college friends and still has his HS friends.
I still have great HS friends but had no trouble also making a great group of college friends. It is certainly,possible, and pretty common, to keep the HS friends but still have a good college social life.
One kid I know went to a big Southern college. He has certainly made friends but seems like the fraternities there are much more open to Southern kids who may have frat members for. Their high schools already in the frat, or have other connections.
Of course kids at non-elite schools have to adjust to the higher expectations of college too. At most selective colleges, the work is more challenging for most students than HS was.
My s’s absolutely did NOT want to go to the state flagship. It’s known as 13th grade. Even though it is huge, many of their classmates attend, and they did not find that desirable.
Most colleges have excellent freshman orientation programs to help the students transition to college. Whether it is a lower tier school or an elite makes absolutely no difference.
'Dear god, why would anyone want to go off to college glued to the hips of their high school friends? I loved my high school friends and kept in touch with them, but college is such a wonderful opportunity to broaden your horizons, meet new and different people and explore different interests and aspects of yourself. What a waste to treat it as an extension of high school."
I don’t know why. But they do. Our HS often send 100 kids to the state flagship. They indeed end up rooming together, joining the same sororitoes/ frats and often don’t make many new friends. They then all e,d up moving back to the same suburb they grew up in after a few years in the city. I’d say at least 1/2 the parents I know went to High school and college together and ended up back in my suburb. Which is near a major metro area so it’s not like there aren’t other choices even if you want to live in the city. There are lots of other nice suburbs but many come back to the same one and send their kids to the same grade school they went to. Some of the moms have been friends since kindergarten.
^^^ But where I’m from the post college life involves living in the same city near where the kids grew up, living with the same people from HS and college and then all moving to the same suburb they grew up in . This covers a huge percent of the people here.
Not everyone wants to move away. I know a lot of people who never leave their cities. I have cousins who never leave the Boston area except to go on vacation to florida. That’s it, two places. Why is my having lived in 9 states better? It was right for me, but not better. If you happened to grow up in Cambridge, should you not go to Harvard because it’s too familiar or you know too many other kids going there?
I know many college kids who went away for school and didn’t make it a semester. Spreading their wings was not good, just a waste of money and hard psychologically to recover from. Not everyone enjoys sleep away camp at age 10, not everyone wants to travel, not everyone wants to go away to college alone.
The kids that adjust well to being far from home and in an unfamiliar environment seem to be the ones that find a “community” to be a part of - be that a club, sport, band, research group, fraternity, whatever. My son is on the other side of the country. Every year it seems his high school sends about 4-6 kids to this school. He says he never sees anyone from his high school. He joined the band, which is a large, well-renowned organization, and was immediately part of a group of about 300 students with similar interests. Couldn’t be happier.
In contrast, all six of the kids from his high school in the class behind him are trying to transfer.
Yes, probably most college students go to the community college or public university nearby, often with many others from their high school. But that may not be what most posters on these forums aspire to.
However, even those who go to a local college may not see their high school people as often, since the local colleges draw from many high schools, and students in college do not take as many of the same courses as in high school.
My son went to the other coast, the first and, I think, the only person from his HS to attend there. Adjustment wasn’t easy. Had he gone to flagship, he probably would have roomed with a close friend in the Honors dorm. This friend was the most social of his HS group, the social director. A life path not taken…
re post # 34:There is a lot more to the world than the Boston ‘burbs. Just sayin’. Some students don’t make it past their first semester even if they are commuting. It isn’t just about their distance from home or friends, though there are challenges (and experiences) the student has when venturing from the nest.
Some may live in Cambridge but not gain the golden ring entrance to Harvard. Or want to. How many will they really know that have the privilege of also entering at the same time, if they do as well. Likely very few.
There is a big, beautiful world out there. For those who don’t choose to experience it- their loss.
I think there is more to the world, but my cousins don’t. They are very happy with their world and like being near family and friends. If they are happy, do they really need to go to college in Chicago or Philly? They like the comfort of home, of what they know. Harvard admits more than a handful of students from Boston Latin. Those kids aren’t getting to see the world (immediately) but I’d argue they are benefiting from the diversity of Harvard without leaving the comforts of home. I don’t think it is a loss at all for them to attend Harvard, right in their backyard, and I think they benefit from knowing other students. Not everyone want to strike out on his own. It’s too scary for some.
I really think there are a lot of students who do better staying home with what they know, and it’s not just kids like mentioned in #35 where they don’t find a core group immediately. Several I know went away to play sports, and never played for the team at all. They started school with an immediate group of 20 or more on their team, might have known a few more from orientation and just didn’t want to stay, and 3 or 4 I know made this decision almost immediately. They’d committed to the schools at least a year before, been on visits, made friends. They just didn’t want to stay once they were there. I really think a lot of it was that their friends were back at the flagship having a rip roaring good time and they wanted to be there too. One I know (not a sports kid) just couldn’t handle the pressures of school without the support of her parents 24-7, so moved back home and now commutes to a directional. Sort of ironic as she did go to sleep away camp every summer so it’s not being physically away that’s the problem. Top student, just needs to be at home. She might get to see the big world someday, but it’s not going to be any time soon.