Thank you all 
As for DrivingDad’s comments… I have read The Gatekeepers, twice actually. As for my daughter’s GPA, the school(s) will definitely recalculate, as they should. In our case a 4.0 is impossible to achieve at our high school, it would require getting a 100 average in every class all four years, and all those classes would have to be taken at the honors level, also impossible because some required classes (PE, health) are not offered at the honors level, yet they affect GPA. No one has ever done it. The highest ever was a 3.91 several years ago (I know this because I am a personal friend of our guidance counselor and she told me). My daughter is 3.88 right now. So I think she is fine, and her 3.8, as I said, would be looked by colleges at in terms of our high school’s grading system.
I believe Vassar is a fantastic school, and I think that my d would have loved being there had she decided to pursue it and had been accepted. I do not believe students there spend all their time in their rooms. As far as we could tell on our visits the student body seemed active, engaged, friendly and dynamic.
There are so many wonderful small LACs. We visited several, some she could picture herself attending, others not quite right for her, but still great places for the right student.
It doesn’t matter anymore, as many of you have kindly pointed out to DrivingDad, my d did not apply to Vassar, she has been accepted ED2 at Kenyon.