<p>I don’t think you’re doing anything unkind to the principal.</p>
<p>In fact, the principal will probably appreciate it if a lot of parents contact the police. Your doing so will motivate the police to place extra personnel on the school grounds, and this is handy for the principal, too, who has only so many people of his own. It works for everybody.</p>
<p>As I see it, the only way you might be making anybody unhappy is if your action prompts the school to go through the day on some sort of lockdown status. Kids hate lockdown because it hampers their movement through the school and usually means that they can’t go out for lunch. Our school system tends to put schools on lockdown when there’s any sort of threat to a school or any sort of police activity near a school. It’s correct procedure, but it bugs the kids.</p>
<p>Many years ago, before Columbine, I intervened as a teacher, when the school wouldn’t, becasue they saw an issue as discipline only, and what he did warranted mere in-school-suspension. I saw more, and after I talked to the student when he returned to class, his statements were so dark and scary that I went to the Crisis counselor, who called mother. Child was gone that day, into hospital, and we never saw him again. Perhaps he got better later on, and went to a different school - never did find out. Saw something very scary - possibly suicide notice on student’s notebook last week. Took it to counselor, who did nothing except talk to the child. That won’t work! So, I took it to school nurse. She took it to school psychologist. At least someone is taking action now. But only when we take action to get these kids help will we have a chance of stopping this senseless barbarism and violence. Can we catch them all? Certainly not. But when we see the signs, we must advocate for these students who need help. That is the only way we can try to keep our kids safe. Kudos for calling the police and head of security. They can’t do anything if they don’t know about it.</p>
<p>ejr1, I admire your bravery. I tend to be very shy about bringing these kinds of things to other people, but I realize now that it simply has to be done. As the weekend has progressed, we’ve found out about more and more parents who are keeping their kids home on Monday, and the overwhelming majority are from the “you go to school no matter what” camp.</p>
<p>Lori,
I agree that you are not undermining the principal by contacting the police in this case. In fact, he or she likely would appreciate even more outside pressure being applied. You did the right thing. As a parent, I would probably go to the school with my kids tomorrow and see for myself if there was additional security, as promised. If not, I probably wouldn’t let my kids go.</p>
<p>After much soul searching, and talking to other parents, we decided to keep them home today. They were just too uneasy about the whole situation.</p>
<p>Lori, try to find out what measures have been put in place due to this boy’s threats and also to keep him from re-entering the building. It is hard to keep kids out indefinitely. In order for them to feel safer about returning, they and you need to know what actions are being taken since this situation came to their attention. I’d want to know that and based on what I learned, could then decide to send the kids back. </p>
<p>The security at each entrance must be tight enough to not allow this boy back in. Also, I’d want to know that police are keeping an eye on his whereabouts, or whatever else they do when someone has done and said what he has so far to date.</p>
<p>The update so far is that there was indeed greatly increased security. Also, a crisis counselor went to the home of the boy, both to convince the parents that this is a very serious situation and to offer therapeutic help to the boy. My husband thinks very highly of this counselor and feels that she will make sure that what is necessary is done. The school will give him his diploma on the condition that he never return to the building. My kids haven’t talked yet to any one who was in school today; it will be interesting to hear their perspective.</p>
<p>Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my plea. Without your encouragement I don’t know if I could have made the decisions (and phone calls) that needed to be made. I’m very grateful to you all.</p>
<p>I am glad to hear that security was stepped up and that there has been intervention with this boy and his family. That is positive all the way around as it relieves some anxiety for the student body, faculty, and parents with regard to follow up security and also gets the boy the help that is needed with his case. </p>
<p>I’m glad that the support here has helped you to advocate. I know it is hard to speak up with schools but there are times when it is a must. If nobody speaks up, change is not possible. In this instance, safety was a concern. All of us on CC are parents and can relate to this. I’m glad you have let us know how things turned out today. I hope your kids can return to school as they deserve to carry on with their lives and studies and have some ease on their anxiety that the authorities are on top of this. </p>
<p>lori, nothing brave about it at all. Just saw a child in trouble and went to get help for the student. I can’t even say that the first time I was worried about other kids, just that the child needed help. Of course, this helps keep others safe, but i really didn’t think of that. However, this past week, VT was on my mind when I intervened again. This child is a misfit socially, no friends, and even stalked another girl that she wanted as a friend, who was merely being nice, and much too old to be her friend. It is just htis type of child who could do something in order to feel accepted or important. But mostly, this child needs some help to deal with her feelings of inadequacy. As to letting your kids stay home - great! Don’t ever second-guess your decision. You did what you felt was right for your kids, and that is what is of most importance. Sending them to school in fear could have long-term traumatic consequences for them, and you know your kids better than anyone else. Kudos for being a caring, involved parent.</p>
<p>Perhaps it’s just that we’re all nervous, but the first thing I thought of was that this kid could be dangerous. Other than telling the girl not to go with him, and not to stay home from the prom because of him, is there anything else you could suggest to the girl? (I’m posting it here because I don’t want to scare her on her own thread.)</p>
<p>Chedva, I read that thread too and was kind of at a loss what to suggest. The idea of telling him that she was going as part of a group, and would see him there, seemed the best way to approach it. (At my kids’ school, my kids and their friends really do go to the prom as a big group without formal “dates.”) Then she’s not turning him down outright, but would have the protection of her group if something starts to feel uncomfortable. I wonder if there would be a sympathetic chaperone or other person “in charge” that she could explain the situation to, who could be ready to help her if she needed it.</p>
<p>My kids went back to school today. They weren’t sure how many stayed home yesterday, but they both said they were glad they did. They weren’t too impressed by the allegedly increased security (that the vice principal checked ID’s instead of the security guard was all they noticed) but maybe there was more that they didn’t see. I think I’ll go see for myself tomorrow.</p>