<p>A “good dorm experience” does not necessarily mean rooming with one of your best friends. In fact, those situations usually don’t end well. Students with different interests and diverse backgrounds often create the most successfully living relationships. Guess opposites do indeed attract.
The substance issue is an entirely different matter. Needs to be addressed directly with roommate IF your son does in fact see that there is “weed” or “alcohol” present in the room. Needs to let roommate know he will not give him the power to put his college career at risk. If the roommate ignores the request, then I would simply have your son put in a request for a room change. Simply say they are incompatible. No need to report him - let him hang himself and let the college do their job.</p>
<p>I will say it again. </p>
<p>Some universities require that you report it if you witness illegal drug or alcohol use. If you don’t then you are in trouble also. </p>
<p>If this kid posts photos of himself smoking weed or drinking underage, then he is truly clueless and the OP’s son is right to question whether he will be a good roommate. If his Facebook page is public as the OP said, then why aren’t his parents cracking down on this or are they so uninvolved with their child as to not know what their kid is posting or doing?</p>
<p>Which universities literally require students to snitch on their fellows for victimless “crimes” that are not cheating-related? I would love to know.</p>
<p>^^^^
I would like to know the answer to that question as well. That puts a student in a very difficult situation vis a vis his peers. This issue would be amplified during Freshman year when building alliances is so important. If you think it through, the backlash would present an even bigger problem for OP’s son than the roommate situation presents. Why should her son be put in that position? Freshman year in college can be difficult enough without taking on something of that magnitude. </p>
<p>I am thinking maybe some of the religious based colleges might have such regulations in place, but I suspect these types of reporting rules are not the norm.</p>
<p>I’ve got the same question as Consolation. I’m not in favor of drug use, but I’m even more not in favor of an atmosphere that encourages snitching. Esp. for the scenario someone posted earlier in the thread, of walking your drunk roomate home. I would advise my daughter to stay far away from schools like that, if I knew which ones they were.</p>
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<p>Very true.</p>
<p>OP, you are borrowing trouble. Your son should talk to the roommate and explain that he’s not comfortable with pot and other illicit substances in the dorm room. If the roommate refuses to listen to this request, THAT is the point where you start worrying. Not now.</p>
<p>Your son doesn’t have to be BFF with his roommate, but hopefully they–BOTH of them–will make a good faith effort to respect each other.</p>
<p>“Which universities literally require students to snitch on their fellows for victimless “crimes” that are not cheating-related? I would love to know.”
“I am thinking maybe some of the religious based colleges might have such regulations in place, but I suspect these types of reporting rules are not the norm.”</p>
<p>I agree. </p>
<p>I always roll my eyes when I read that advice: “Go tell on him right away if you even suspect…”. That is stupid. </p>
<p>If you are uncomfortable, you need to have a talk with the roommate first and set some ground rules on what will make you comfortable. If you just run and snitch on him/her right away, you deserve to have a miserable dorm experience. </p>
<p>Also there are some colleges that have dorms where people regularly smoke. Are you going to tell on everyone in your dorm? or every person you see smoking at a party?</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s best to mind your own business. If you can’t deal with your dorm-mate drinking, having sex, or even smoking occasionally, you are not fit to be in a dorm, as these are often widely practiced and accepted behaviors amongst college freshman. </p>
<p>If you cant handle it, get a single, rent an apartment off-campus, transfer schools to a strict religious institution,…ect. </p>
<p>I already feel deeply sorry for the OP’s son’s roommate. Even if the son is possibly okay, the parents will helicopter this into a big mess and only increase the stress of their child and his new roommate.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, bad situations may occur at the very best of schools. The worst offenders are often among the most privileged and their parents may be your professional colleagues. Remember the Columbia student busted for drug dealing? Dad is a plastic surgeon. At least his son is still alive. I know of another who took a bullet to the head. Someone’s child out there must have been his freshman roommate. I would be doing everything possible to get a better situation. </p>
<p>[Columbia</a> University Drug Dealer Heads To Rikers: Gothamist](<a href=“http://gothamist.com/2011/08/30/columbia_university_drug_dealer_hea.php]Columbia”>Columbia University Drug Dealer Heads To Rikers - Gothamist)</p>
<p>Consoloation - in a lot of states, if you didn’t report it, and it was discovered, YOU could be charged with possession.</p>
<p>I agree with a poster above though that said now is not necessarily the time to worry. Just because the room-mate may smoke now and then doesn’t mean he’ll be stashing a garbage bag of pot in the room. </p>
<p>Make an agreement and see how it goes. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt.</p>
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<p>Are you talking about “constructive possession”? If so, that is usually a completely bogus charge, with little chance of standing up. (According to my friend the defense lawyer.)</p>
<p>“Constructive possession” usually means that if you’re in the same car with someone who’s carrying, you can be charged with possession. Not that you saw a friend smoking pot once and didn’t report it!</p>
<p>Constructive possession can be charged if you are in the same room with someone else’s pot. Not successfully prosecuted, but charged, if the police/prosecutors wish to be jerks. Which they sometimes do.</p>
<p>Trust me. :)</p>
<p>Yep, and it can still cause a kid a LOT of trouble. Tough dealing with legal issues and focusing on studies, even if the charges don’t hold up.</p>
<p>DonnaL - not talking about “seeing someone smoking pot once” - talking about it actually being in YOUR dorm room, but belonging to your room-mate.</p>
<p>Time to cut the apron strings.</p>