Practice on what you wrote above, cut it in half, then half again. And/or Imagine you only have one minute to get the same thoughts across. Others may say, give us the 2-3 sentence digest, only that, as practice. You’ve repeated the same thought multiple times, when once would be enough.
I agree with EA that there’s writing for yourself and then writing for others. (And it’s a hot argument topic among writer friends.) I believe all your college app/supp writing is for the reader. The ability to self edit is critical. And concise writing, when needed, is a life skill.
We have no idea where you want to study or what.