In my house, we call it the “full cost of ownership”. Like buying a high-end vehicle, it’s not just about the sticker price (or monthly payment): maintenance, insurance, etc. must be taken into consideration in order to understand what it’s really going to cost to run and maintain that vehicle. Even when we toyed with the idea of private HS for D, we had to ask ourselves if we had the means and desire to maximize that experience for her and ourselves (i.e. having the $$ and clout to run in the proper circles to make important connections/create opportunities, pay for the EC’s, etc.). We felt that our local public - with time/$ support from us - would be a better fit for our family. No regrets - she maximized her opportunities there and got into some great colleges. We got to keep $$ in our pockets to be able to allow her to graduate debt free.
It must be heartbreaking to get into a top school and feel like you are still an outsider. I agree that the middle class could be a great bridge, but we are continuing to be squeezed out of these institutions - don’t qualify for F/A, but don’t have enough $$ for COA without going into debt.