I crocheted a DH-sized afghan that rests folded on the chest at the foot of the bed for those nights he needs extra warmth. We really need separate rooms. I envy those of you who have made that transition. DH is not ready for that “divorce.”
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I’m sure we’ve talked about this before here but I have to say sleeping separately some/much of the time has really improved my quality of sleep, and I have often felt guilty about it. It makes me feel a little better knowing many here also sleep not always in the same space as a partner!
I just think we sometimes have different sleep needs - at least I do - I don’t know that I bother H much…. But he snores A LOT and also gets up once a night - and either of those = I’m awake. We have other bedrooms why not make use of them when needed!
I do think it’s kind of crappy though that he always gets the king and I have to downsize…. 
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My H is a colon cancer survivor who had a BIG surgery. Every couple to few nights he is up a lot in the bathroom. So as not to disturb me, he’ll go up to his man cave (a very nice room indeed with a private bath) and I confess I don’t complain about it. It’s at least one night where I am not awakened by his snoring in the rare hours where I actually fall asleep.
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I was going to tease all of you naming the states earlier, but now I can’t resist. Did none of you learn “Fifty, Nifty United States” in grade school? 
fifty nifty united states song
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My husband goes to bed later than me. So typically I am asleep before he comes to bed. That seems to work well for us. He’s away right now, and I don’t think I’m sleeping any better. Maybe worse, but that’s probably because of stress since he’s tending to family medical crisis.
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For 17 years, DH traveled 100% of the time, arriving home Friday afternoon and leaving Monday morning. Basically, I had the bedroom to myself all week and my boyfriend on the weekend. I miss those days. Now we’re both retired and he’s in my bed every.single.night. It’s been an adjustment.
DH comes to bed about two hours after I’m asleep. That wakes me up as does his shifting, occasional snoring, and readjusting the covers. I can always fall back asleep, but my sleep is interrupted several times every night by his “being there.” It’s frustrating.
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In 31.5 years of marriage H has been away from home without me for a total of TWO nights! No, I am not happy about this statistic. I love love love being at home by myself - even as a kid. Now that I have no kids at home and lots of leave time, I may schedule a few hours here and there while he’s his retirement gig job just to be home alone…
And the first night he was gone, we had only been married ~1 year, so I didn’t appreciate it then!!!
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I’ve been sleeping at 10, 11 or midnight and pretty reliably wake around 7am. I’m learning to sleep through H waking and stay mostly asleep and it doesn’t bother me much. When the kids go back to their respective residences, I may move to S’s room so I get sounder, more restful sleep.
I’d say that or the other of us sleeps elsewhere (in the house) about a third of the time. Sometimes we discuss who is leaving, other times one or the other of us falls asleep on a sofa or comfy chair, and some times one of us leaves in the wee hours to seek better sleep elsewhere.
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My kids did, but not me. 
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Thank you. I think I missed that when I asked you for a link. Got it!
Early this morning, I woke up after a disturbing dream. No lie, I actually was dreaming about watching the Dallas Cowboys on TV. Talk about a nightmare! I woke with a physical start.
Geez…
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I woke up too early and tried the state naming thing in an attempt to fall back asleep. I gave up when I couldn’t come up with 8, “M,” states. Had to get up and Google - it was driving me crazy.
Maryland. It was Maryland I couldn’t come up with.
Maybe it will work for me next time!
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This is the first time I have ever heard this song - I did not learn it in school and neither did my daughter!
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I tried it today and couldn’t come up with one of them: Missouri. Dang it!
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I guess the idea is state naming is supposed to distract you from the thought processes that are keeping you awake… or generally stop your mind from racing? I expect I’d find it mentally stimulating, much like you did. It might be more effective, if you count something that requires little thought and has no stakes if you mess up. Or instead focus on a sensation like breathing or heartbeat.
My approach is instead to think about nothing. It takes some practice, but it’s a useful skill to have. I imagine it’s similar to approaches some use for meditating. It’s difficult to describe how I do this. It’s sort of like switching body to autopilot while neocortex is relaxing in background and not paying attention to external senses. I can also do this while walking, in which I might lose time from a mental perspective.
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Try structured relaxation—starting from soles of your feet or toes and going body part by body part until you reach the top of your head or go the other direction, from the top of your scalp to the bottom onf your feet—very slowly and methodically. This is what the did in yoga at the end of the session. I found it very relaxing. Either that or focus on your breathing, and try to breathe more slowly and deeply.
Trying to remember things is NOT relaxing for me and I’d worry about forgetting something and having to check the phone or internet is NOT relaxing for me. I try to let my mind drift or focus on my body/breathing, etc.
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If I could do that, I wouln’t be in the situation I’m in. I have no ability to think about nothing. My brain doesn’t work that way. I can’t practice a skill I have zero ability in.
I’m glad it works for you. But I know myself well enough to know I’m going to have to find alternate ways to wind down.
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I can’t shut down my brain like that either. That’s why guided imagery or breathing/relaxation exercises work well for me.
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Mine either. I’m not convinced anyone’s does. Not that I’m doubting @Data10’s words or personal experience.
My dad was a physician. If he asked me what I was thinking about, and I answered, “Nothing,” he would immediately counter with, “That’s a physiological impossibility.”
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