Update?
I just reread the thread and want to thank you all again for the support and advice for flying again after so many years.
I went crazy gathering together every little gadget that could possibly help – ear plugs, neck pillow, compression socks, eye shade, earbuds, iPad, gum, etc. Having this stash of supplies helped me feel in “control”, so was a useful activity, even though most items turned out to not be necessary for me this time. I bought a small roller carry-on suitcase (at Walmart!) for the overhead bin, and brought my camera backpack for my under seat item. Both worked perfectly.
I did consult my doctor and had two options available, an anti-anxiety pill (started two weeks before flying) and a sleeping pill for the flight. The anti-anxiety pill worked wonders for me. I didn’t use the sleeping pill - that’s how helpful the other med was.
We arrived several hours early for our flight, so there was no stress over getting to our gate on time. The TSA check went smoothly and I learned that I could leave on my jewelry. H needed to take off his belt. Our flight was also several hours late, so we spent way more time sitting in the airport than we had expected. This should have had my stress escalating, but it didn’t bother me. (!)
Our seats were Saver Fare seats, and around 13 rows back, middle and window. H and I were assigned seats together by the airline. I sat in the window seat and actually looked out the window for part of each flight. Again – something I have never done in the past.
We flew Alaska Air and I was pleasantly surprised with the airplanes, seats, seatbelts, and overhead storage. I had plenty of legroom in our economy seats, and although I discreetly requested a seatbelt extender when I boarded the first plane, it turned out that I didn’t need it. Fitting in the seat was a huge stressor for me, and it turned out my size - although overweight, concentrated in my midsection, legs and bottom - was not an issue. I may have touched seatmates if I’d been on the aisle or in the middle with strangers next to me, but I was only next to H.
The free onboard movies proved priceless. We watched several new release movies, and were able to focus fairly well on the movies. There was some turbulence on each flight, but it was tolerable, and glancing around at other passengers and crew members was all it took to stay calm and assume it was normal. The takeoffs and landings were smoother than I remember, and there was no pressure issues or ears popping.
I want to credit two things equally, since I can’t know if one was more important than the other. First was the med. It clearly helped me maintain a calmer level than I could have without it. It helped me on the days leading up to the flight, and the many hours spent sitting in the airport, waiting for our delayed fight. I also want to credit reading a book recommended here called “SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying”. This book was invaluable. It helped me understand the airplane and how it works, as well as why my body reacts to stress, and how that works. It was written by a pilot who later pursued a degree in social work, and teaches his methods to conquer flying fears. I found many of the sections useful for my personal situation, and have been recommending this book to anyone who mentions flying issues.
I think a third contributor to the success was being older. Much older. My kids are grown, I’m not worried about them if they lose a parent, I feel like I’ve had a good life, and I know there are many things in life worthy of being scared of, but flying shouldn’t be one of them.
We had a fantastic trip! We had fun with S and his girlfriend, and enjoyed meeting her parents. CA is the opposite of IL. I now refer to them (S and GF) as “hill people” while we are “flatlanders”. Every single walk was either uphill or downhill. LOL. It never quite dawned on me how hilly it would be everywhere.
San Francisco was really cool, and we had a terrific day wandering along the bay. Napa was equally interesting and the vineyards went on forever. I was able to cross “see redwoods” off my bucket list. We went on a long hike in Napa that led to a redwood grove. We ate at an amazing restaurant. We wandered around Berkeley. We spent hours just hanging out and talking with S. It was wonderful to see where and how he lives, and now we can picture things that he talks about. I’m so glad S forced us to visit him!! Yes, I will willingly go back!!