“Some of the programs claim that they do set up a structure for this. Kid has to come in X times per week, and if they don’t show, then the advisors call/text, etc. Kids can still ignore the prompting if they want to.” Well, yes, and this speaks to @“Cardinal Fang” 's comment above as well. I happen to have a two kids with executive functioning issues attending colleges with “great” disability services departments (okay, one lauded as great, one as “pretty good”), and it’s still up to my kids to set those appointments and get to them if they want the extra help. I understand the conundrum inherent in asking the chronically disorganized to organize their own help on a very personal level, trust me. But again, this comes back to fit and honesty: a clear assessment of what your particular child can handle vs. what’s offered is the only way to know what will work.
My favorite autism saying is that “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” There’s never going to be a one-size-fits-all solution, for college or anything else. One of my kids will ask for help immediately, one won’t ask until it’s too late. Different personalities, different needs, different tolerances, etc. One was well-served by opting for a small college after high school and the other is currently dual-enrolled at our state’s flagship university, offering us all the “training wheels” experience of real college while still living at home and having assistance from us if needed. Both have surprised us in different ways, both with triumphs and trip-ups. At the end of the day, I think it’s our job to help them figure out what they can manage, and I guess I think it’s counterproductive to be angry at most schools for not offering more support.
I don’t think it’s like saying the wheelchair ramp is only for people who can walk; I think it’s like saying “we have a wheelchair ramp and if you can’t get yourself to the base of the ramp for some reason, we need to figure out if we can help you get there or if this is simply not the right place/time for you.”