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<p>I don’t think it is being hard nosed when you are doing your job as a parent. I was considered hard nosed as well. When my daughter and her friends first started driving I was amazed at how many supposedly upright citizens allowed their children to blow off what they considered an inconvenient law.</p>
<p>My son cannot have more than one passenger either. He says that he has friends that were stopped by the police driving after the allowed hours, crossed state lines, more than one passenger (non-relatives), and he claims nothing happens. My S told me that one of his friends was told by the police officer that he was young once too and this is lucky day (and let him continue to drive home in the middle of the night)! We do not allow this at all. The law is the law. My S has not argued w us about it.</p>
<p>Doesn’t sound hard nosed to me, although my mom did make exceptions when she didnt care if I did it if there were extenuating circumstances.</p>
<p>Same or similar law here, and we insist our kids follow it! Not hard-nosed, just law-abiding.</p>
<p>Oy vey. I’ll join the queue. No, you are not being “hard nosed.” It takes only one moment of inattention, one small error, for the result to be injury or death. For a licensed but still inexperienced driver, multiple people in the car dramatically increase the odds of an accident. And even with one person, that person has to understand that they can’t distract the driver. </p>
<p>There were two eerily similar accidents about five years apart here: driver reached down to share some Frency fries from passenger, took eyes off road for an instant, drifted in lane, looked up and over-corrected, flipping the car.</p>
<p>We have the 6 month law here as well. We made our D follow it and we will do the same with our son when he gets his in a few months. I am shocked at how few parents follow the law. I think that since it does not go on your driving record and effect insurance if you are caught there is no deterrent.
I had an incident with my son this summer. He called to be picked up from a friends house which wasn’t the house I had dropped him off previously that morning. I asked him how he had got to this boys house. He said that the boy had picked him up. I asked how long has he had his license. My son’s answer was he’s taking the test next week but he’s a really good driver. I couldn’t believe that they had let him drive without even a license even if it just was down the street. My son who is so naive to not even think about lying to me was given the lecture about not getting into a car with someone driving who hasn’t past the 6 months. He has been told if he drives kids before his time is up he won’t be doing any driving for awhile. We have had the same talk regarding speeding tickets. Ticket means no car in our house.</p>
<p>This summer, a boy from my daughter’s class was killed after the car he was riding in wrapped around a tree across the street from my home. The boy he was riding with (also from her class) had a provisional license, but was breaking the rules by having other passengers in the car and definitely breaking the rules by doing 75 mph in a 35 mph zone on a dangerous curve. Ironically, the driver was treated and released that evening but one died and one had life altering injuries.</p>
<p>I cannot tell you the pain in my heart when my daughter came up and told me that the they thought the boy was already “gone.” I cannot tell you the pain on the doctor’s face that lives around the corner as he tried to help the boy. I cannot tell you how heavy the hearts were in our little corner of the world. I cannot tell you the number of buckets of tears that were shed by friends and classmates that came to pay homage and leave something for the makeshift memorial. I cannot tell you how unsettling it was to see my corner on the news at every broadcast and live with the local news stations’ satellite trucks parked at the scene all day. And, I cannot tell you enough how my heart aches every day I see the missing bark from that tree - and I see it leaving and entering my driveway - and how sad it is to see the new crosses, wind chimes and sentimental trinkets left at the site on “anniversaries” and special days. What I can tell you is that you are not being a hard nosed parent. You are being a loving one.</p>
<p>I made that rule long before law ever took effect, but it sure helped to have it to back me up. Further more, when he was too young to drive, I did not let him ride with older brothers of friends, way too much showboating! Stick to your guns. There is no downside to this except inconvenience sometimes.</p>
<p>We have that law in this country. A new driver must drive with a fully licensed driver for a year. He cannot drive any other passengers unless he has a fully licensed driver in the car.</p>
<p>NEWSFLASH</p>
<p>If a driver does drive with passengers, or if he violates the terms of his license in any way, that driver is NOT covered by the insurance policy.</p>
<p>I cannot tell you how many people have ended up having to pay thousands for wrecked cars that weren’t covered becuasse the driver was driving illegally. One woman lost her house becuase her son took her brand new BMW to the corner market after 10 pm (also not allowed). He crashed into a brand new Mercedes. $300K in damages. Not covered.</p>
<p>My S2 lost his car this week for lending it to another kid to go get the kid’s mother at the airport. Nice thought, but she can take a freakin’ taxi. My S2 is not allowed to lend his car under ANY circumstances.</p>
<p>Word to the wise? Check your insurance policies…and don’t let your son jeapordize the family financial position.</p>
<p>We had the same rule for our d (she never complained). We also noticed that other kids/parents didn’t follow the law and sometimes commented about our strictness.</p>
<p>My d had to be home by 11:30-12, when the law required her to stop driving. In fact, even when SHE wasn’t driving, our d had to be home by 11:30 so that her bf could get home by 12 (despite the fact that his parents didn’t care if he obeyed the law).</p>
<p>We don’t have that rule in Michigan, although our household did. We did, however have a rule that a new driver could not drive after midnight for the first year. That rule became a constant battle in our home because my son insisted that I was the ONLY parent who enforced it. He was right. Because he couldn’t drive after midnight, the after homecoming party was held at our house. It ended at 1:00 a.m. and not one parent came to pick up their child because they couldn’t drive. There could only have been a couple of kids 17 or older at that party but not one of them had to be home by midnight.</p>
<p>I was never so grateful for that 17th birthday! As I stated to my son: in our household, my decision on whether a real can be bent is whether I can live with the consequences or not. If he drove after midnight and something happened, I couldn’t live with it. If he fell off his bike while not wearing a helmet, I couldn’t live with it. If he stayed up past his bedtime and was sleepy in class the next day, that I could live with.</p>
<p>wow - there are other parents out there like DH and I.</p>
<p>Here in PA there is a law that when you get your learner’s permit you must have 50 hours of driving under various conditions before you can take your driver’s test. You must have your permit for at least 6 months.</p>
<p>We made our son follow it to a “T”. He didn’t have a problem with it but was bothered by the fact that many of his friends didn’t have to abide by this rule. Those parents didn’t feel it was worth the time. When I questioned one mother, she commented, “I trust his driving”…he’ll be fine. Sorry, I’m not going to take that risk or risk my son’s life with inexperience.</p>
<p>KEYMOM - don’t feel guilty at all - stick to your guns - the law is the law - and I certainly hope your ‘rules’ apply both ways as well - your DD not being in a car illegally.</p>
<p>In our state - it is a bit different - at 16 1/2 they get their liscense - but can only have family members in the car for the 1st 6 months - have curfew til 18 - no driving at all at the midnite hour - no other friends/pals/cohorts - if they are caught - the law can actually extend this time - infractions to the first 6 months of any kind can result in their loss of liscense as well.</p>
<p>Wonder if kids ever consider that their actions can have such far reaching consequences to their families or to the families of others - if something happens - like an accident - it can tear families and communities apart - forever!!!.</p>
<p>keymom - You deserve as many plaudits as we can give you here on cc, so I join the queue. Your job is just that much harder when you see all the “parents” around you flouting the law. What a message to send to their children - pick and choose the laws to obey, based on their convenience to you and whether you find the fine sufficiently inconvenient.</p>
<p>We have a similar law here (no passengers below age 21 at all, unless family members for 3 months). I am proud to say that the parents around me were very different from those around you. I remember one evening when DS had 9 friends over to our house, and there were 8 cars in the driveway! Because only 1 of the kids had been licensed long enough to have a passenger. When two of them wanted to drive a couple miles to make a selection at the video store, they took two separate cars.</p>
<p>Distraction is the probably the biggest cause, along with alcohol, of deadly teen accidents. They benefit from that time gaining driving experience without a carload. I heard of one mother in our area who believed as those idiots who call themselves parents in your area. It sure makes it easier when all the families are on the same sheet of music. You have to do it the hard way and that is why you deserve all our support and praise.</p>
<p>JMMOM i note that you are in New England - not MA are you?? I ask cuz of the 21 thing lol.</p>
<p>Another PA person here. Laxmom didn’t mention but when the kids have their permit they also have to have a person 21 or over in the car with them. There’s also an 11:00 pm curfew, which can be gotten around if the driver has a note from an employer saying they were working until after that time. 50 hours really is quite a bit of driving time, especially if most of your trips are just ten minutes to town and back. Most of my kids friends really didn’t get their license until they were 17 or even 18. I never minded car-pooling (stil do it with my youngest) so I could find out what was really going on!</p>
<p>JeepMom - no, in ME here. I think the laws have become a little stricter since my S got his license - maybe 6 mos. or so (instead of 3) before taking underage passengers. Also, like some other states, kids w. learners’ permits needed to have 35 hours driving with a parent or other adult under various conditions before they could take driver’s test. We never fudged that and made sure he drove in rain, snow etc. etc. </p>
<p>Soon enough, they think they know it all, but during those early learner’s months, we found he was a sponge seeking info on driving technique, road rules etc. Parents are foolish to forego this “teachable moment” imho.</p>
<p>D is a sophomore in college, got her license when she was a senior in high school. When she’s away at school, she doesn’t drive, period. So when she comes home, she gets “checked out”, driving with a parent for a couple of days until we’re happy that she’s “got it” and is back in the groove, at which point she can use a car if she needs to. She still does not have “solo” privileges for freeway driving.</p>
<p>First 6 months they can only have 1 passenger (except family). Our rule is NO passengers until we’re ready for that next step. And no music until we decide he’s ready for that. It’s simply too distracting, at least for our youngest.<br>
Our town has a curfew which we also enforce. We’re not the only parents to do so, but many parents either don’t know or don’t care. My kids have never fussed about it.<br>
Senior year in HS my son said he was the only one out of his large group of friends who had not had an accident or gotten a ticket. That’s a scary thought.</p>
<p>keymom,
We don’t have that law here but still I had the same rule when my kids turned 16, seems like a long time ago(sigh) . Statistics even then supported how distracted kids were with their peers in the car, no matter how good of a driver they were. My kids just told their friends I’m sorry my mom is crazy and won’t let me drive anyone right now. After all they were using our cars back then.</p>