There is a reason places like Yale employ a residential college system: it works and is very effective.
Maybe a medical exemption would allow him to live off campus
Most people in the world live in spaces and densities equal to or smaller than a dorm. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that they are “unnatural” (post #17). Your kid may have special considerations or need to find a similarly quiet roommate but many, many kids really like dorm life. I have an introvert and and extrovert and both study/write in the library. If your kid has a single or a well matched roommate a dorm can be a good way to meet people without needing to get out too much. You can get as much or as little of the activity as you want then go to your room and close the door when you need to. An apartment could be VERY isolating for someone who doesn’t naturally seek out company and most people need some level of society and interaction . . . even introverts.
Why try to get the college to change its rules for him? Instead, find a college that meets HIS requirements. Has he even been accepted to this college yet?
That said, just because he has always wanted quiet doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t adjust to dorm living. What does he say?
And I also agree with others who suggested some type of evaluation. Locking the door to wash your hands, along with some of the other traits you cited, could be related to some sort of anxiety.
I like my privacy too. But I grew up sharing a bedroom with siblings, went off to college and lived in a dorm (had a single senior year) and due to circumstances, finances, etc. have managed with all sorts of living arrangements since then.
There is no reason to force your son to live in a dorm if he doesn’t want to. But there are all sorts of circumstances in real life which will require some flexibility on his behalf in order to live his life, and living in a dorm is a good way to transition from the privacy of home to the way many young people live in their 20’s.
I was on a business trip a few years ago with a team from work and we got stuck at an airport during a snow storm. One of the more enterprising members of our team managed to scrounge up a couple of motel rooms near by and found a few taxi drivers willing to take us there before they headed home (the entire city was going to be snowed in) and bought a bunch of pizzas and other “provisions” in an airport restaurant to take with us.
One member of the team had a meltdown- absolutely could not share a hotel room with a co-worker (we divided up by gender so nobody would feel uncomfortable) and her choices were to sleep in a shuttered airport on a chair or the floor, share a room with a co-worker, or sleep in the motel lobby.
Eventually we persuaded her that sharing a room (with someone she knew! and liked!) was the safer option. But it took some doing. I gotta say- we had a blast, good bonding experience, it would have been sad that a co-worker would not have been able to give up a chair in an airport terminal in favor of the motel.
Being able to tolerate someone in the next bed is a good life skill for everyone, even if you don’t think there is value to dorm living.
I think it is a mistake to impose your fears on your DS.
I also had a shy only child who never had to share a bedroom or bathroom.
Guess what- when the rules say you do have to live on campus, even shy boys can and do get used to it.
Living off campus by himself will make him miss out on opportunities to meet new people and sharing new experiences- which is part of what kids need to learn in real life.
Living in densely populated areas or crowded apartments or houses with family and relatives, for instance, is more “natural” than sharing a room with a roommate at school. Of course there are many situations when that happens- includng hospitals, the military etc. One of mine, who is very socially competent, abhors dorm life but does very well in our crowded house and shared a bedroom with a sibling her entire growing up years.
I think a single room might be the best solution, but many kids also thrive living at home. The majority of college students these days are not residential students, despite the population here on CC.
I once read that 1/3 of kids are ready for college academically, 1/3 are ready emotionally, and 1/3 aren’t really ready. That said, I do think evaluation could help justify a request for a single or for an exemption so he can live at home.
I think this parent probably knows best, in dialogue with the son.
I had a party at my house the day he started kindergarten while all the other mothers were crying in the hallways. Believe me, I got no problem shipping him off. He has a friend who was going to share an off campus apartment with him, but now this! We DID pick a commuter school, but NKU is trying so hard to not be that anymore that it is abandoning its roots.
I have a very hard time with setting him up to fail. He knows he needs private space to keep focused. I’m going to have a real hard time justifying that room/board expense if putting him in that sort of situation will make it difficult for him to do what he is there to do. He and I are on the same page. This is his deal, I just happen to agree!
Anyway, he and his friend are both graduating from high school with about 30-33 hours of early college credit. I wonder if transferring all those hours in would qualify them as sophomores? I sent an e-nail to NKU but have not heard back as yet. Just thought someone else might know. 
Have you asked about the possibility of a private room? Or do you think that your son would feel uncomfortable in a dorm, period, even if he had a single?
Library, for studying. Quiet there.
Most residence halls have separate study rooms as well, where quiet is required.
As for the shared bathroom - he’ll adjust. He really will.
My D is essentially an only child (has a half-sister much older than her who never lived with us) and has always had her own bedroom. She also values her alone time. She is very social, but she needs time by herself, as well, to decompress.
She went to a couple of band camps this past summer, at two different college campuses. She had a roommate at both. Before going , she was nervous about sharing a room. Granted, it was only a week for each camp, but she did fine, and in fact, she liked the experience of having someone to talk with at the end of the long day.
Really, your son will be fine - and he may even really grow to love living in the dorms.
Again, to echo what others said, he could also look into a single room.
I had a single room when I transferred to a residential university from one I’d been commuting to. It was, indeed, nice being able to come home to my own room, go to sleep whenever I wanted, stay up when I wanted, etc. so, I understand that.
When I felt like being social, there were people out in the hall, or in the lounge…
But I also think it’s a good learning experience to share a living space at that age.
Since you mention NKU, it looks like their frosh dorm requirement exempts students living in some nearby areas:
https://housing.nku.edu/content/dam/housing/docs/Apply%20Here/First%20Year%20Student%20Residency%20Requirement.pdf
It also looks like all of the dorm rooms are double rooms, quads of two double rooms, or suites/apartments with double rooms, but most (not all) of them have private bathrooms.
http://housing.nku.edu/campuslivingoptions.html
My D’s friend had a single at her college because it was in her 504 plan and arranged with the disabilities office. However, she wanted to be part of a special community and there were no singles on the floor that this community lived in. She ended up living one floor up, but then wasn’t really part of the core, and she did not go back to school the next year, now lives at home and commutes. I don’t know that living in a double in the learning community would have solved her problems, but it was just one more area she didn’t fit in.
This girl had been attending camp for many years so clearly COULD live with others but felt she needed a single at school.
OH PUHLEEZE… I have 2 boys who have gone to boarding school with classmates from billionaire families and/or political/aristocratic dynasties. If these stratospherically privileged scions can deal with living in a shoebox-sized cinderblock dorm room w a roommate for nine-months and showering in a shared bathroom, then it’s likely your kid can suck it up, too.
Hint: They aren’t strangers after you’ve lived with them for a few days.
I’m an introvert and I love / crave / need my alone time, but it’s not healthy for me to always give in to that. It was good / broadening for me to have roommates - they helped pull me out of my shell. As for concentrating, I too need quiet to concentrate and study, but that’s what the library is for.
blossom’s story about the woman who melted down on a business trip where unexpected circumstances forced her to have to share a room – no. You don’t want your son to be like that.
I did an internet meet-up a few years ago of women I knew from a specialty message board (not this one!) and we roomed with one another for a weekend. It’s great to be introverted - I get it completely - but it’s also good to have the wherewithal to be able to handle being around others too.
Library…that quiet place that is conducive to studying. Students who live off campus, even if they are familiar with the town because they grew up there, often have a very tough time socially. You would be doing your son a favor by being positive and optimistic about his living in the dorm. And, because he will be home sick and lonely (as many new students are) for the first couple of weeks, the more you can encourage him to stay in the dorms and to get used to the new living situation, the better off your son will be. I bet he ends up happy in the dorms.
Both my newly launched kids have roommates in their first apartments - and not friends, just people they met for the purpose of sharing an apt This keeps rent manageable for them, esp my one kid in a big city. You don’t want your kid so terrified of a roommate that he couldn’t room with someone in a first apartment or in a summer program. I get preferring not to but there is a diff between preferring not to and being frazzled by or unable to.
He’s probably going to not have a private office, either, in his first job.
I still don’t have a private office, and I’m a reasonably successful middle aged person. 
I grew up in a family of 7 - we had one bathroom, and I shared a bedroom with 3 sisters (only one boy, guess who got his own room?)
It’s good to experience different things!
Wonderful news! Panic for nothing – I just heard back from the housing office at NKU and because of the credit hours he will already have earned before he gets there, both he and his friend will be considered sophomores and exempt from the residency requirement.
To everyone who had helpful and supportive suggestions, thank you! Mr. Who Moved my Cheese functions quite well in his day to day interactions at school, in band activities, and at his part-time job. But he doesn’t have to bring all of those co-workers or classmates home with him to sleep in a bunk bed and share a shower! Nice to know he has the option of choosing not to live in a dorm. He could get a wild hair and go for it, but that is totally up to him.
I feel like this thread ought to be merged with the “declining resiliency” thread.