The text style is a superficial problem. But the mismatch between that style and the content of the first message is jarring.
The OP wrote: " I started a non-profit that raised about 25K for international education equality, and in a co founder at a nonprofit which helps provide medical equipment around the world (still kinda in the works). I did independent research about mental illness and the neurological basis of it and used it to creat policy change in three states. "
These are fairly ambitious claims, frankly, and if I were an admissions person I would want a lot more details. What exactly are you contributing to “international education equality” and how? And what kind of medical equipment are you hoping to provide “around the world”? What specific policy changes in mental health was a high schooler able to create?
I don’t mean this unkindly. I do a lot of tutoring of essays and many writers want to assert things like “Someday I hope to cure cancer.” It is much better to come down to earth and be specific. You don’t need to solve all the world’s problems to get into good schools, including Harvard. And character is a factor too, so you want to be humble and not overstate.