<p>“Funding: This study was funded via an unrestricted research grant from The Coca-Cola Company. The funders had no role in study design, data collection and analysis, decision to publish, or preparation of the manuscript.”</p>
<p>MyDH creates most of the mess and I do most of the housework. He gets to the gym daily.</p>
<p>Welcome to my world. H doesn’t believe that he makes messes, so now every day, I use my cell phone to take pics of whatever mess he made the day/night before. Today I took a pic of a bunch of potato chip crumbs that are next to his side of the bed from his “night snacking”. </p>
<p>Yes, he goes to the gym all the time so he’s rather trim. </p>
<p>My phone is getting quite full of pics. Judgment day is coming.</p>
<p>We don’t allow eating above the first floor. We also don’t buy potato chips - if we want to eat something, we usually have to prepare something as we don’t have much in the way of snacks.</p>
<p>I thought about what my reaction would be if my wife did this to me and what her reaction would be if I did it to her. And my conclusion was that this sounded confrontational to me. How would you feel if your spouse did this to you?</p>
<p>Honestly, I probably would laugh it out, because I think it is funny that someone would go to such length to point out my bad habits. Most people are pretty oblivious to how their actions are perceived by others. </p>
<p>Then I will try to change my behavior. “Try” is imperative word here. It is hard to change old habits.</p>
<p>I don’t eat potato chips on Hs side of the bed.
He cleans his side, I clean mine.</p>
<p>I also thought the title of this thread was being facitious.
Are you kidding me?
Overweight because no one irons anymore?
I took out all my sod using hand tools!</p>
<p>People are overweight cause stress messes with their metabolism. ( which also impacts energy level and perhaps a reliance on comforting w food)
Contribution to stress?
Poor nutrition.
Thanks soda pop companies.</p>
<p>*> Welcome to my world. H doesn’t believe that he makes messes, so now every day, I </p>
<br>
<br>
<p>We don’t allow eating above the first floor. We also don’t buy potato chips - if we want to eat something, we usually have to prepare something as we don’t have much in the way of snacks.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>That sounds pretty confrontational.*</p>
<p>the point about “potato chips” is irrelevant. :rolleyes: The messes are spilled drinks on the counter, crumbs left on the counter, dirty dishes/etc left around, and so forth. </p>
<p>My H deals well with hard facts - i.e. pics. There’s no denying at that point. </p>
<p>Yes, it’s confrontational. I’m Italian, that’s how we roll. ;)</p>
<p>I’m sure you must be frustrated having to constantly pick up after your H. How do you think he will respond to your pictures?</p>
<p>Fortunately, my DH generally picks up after himself. He’s not a slob. But he doesn’t help out with any housework.*</p>
<p>H doesn’t leave dirty clothes around which is why he doesn’t think he’s messy. H deals pretty well with hard facts. </p>
<p>Look at it from another point of view… if a H says his wife is spending too much money, and she says that she isn’t, but he shows her the detailed credit card statement, should she think her H is wrong or “confrontational” for showing the proof??? (of course, the situation can be reversed if the wife thinks the H is spending too much money).</p>
<p>The opposite of the confrontational approach is the nagging approach which is what I tend to use. It either works or doesn’t but it avoids a big confrontation. There may or may not be a cumulative affect with nagging so that it works in the long term. Some behaviors you can change and some you can’t but I try to do that sort of thing with the minimal amount of damage.</p>
<p>D has one suite mate who is messy. She leaves half-eaten food and drinks in the living room for days. She and the other suite mates have spoken to her about it, but it continues. Sometimes my D will just throw it away.</p>
<p>One of the reasons why nagging doesn’t work is because people can dismiss it as being untrue, exaggerated, etc. Plus, it just sounds whiney. </p>
<p>When H and I were first dating, we worked at the same aerospace company that had “flex hours”. It soon became clear that H wasn’t putting in 40 hours (not even close), because of the way he was abusing “flex hours”. When I first pointed that out, he denied it. So, I had him write his arrival, lunch, and departure times down for a week. The numbers were the proof. H wasn’t trying to be dishonest. He really, really thought he was putting in his time (H can be a bit spacey…lol…an engineer who wasn’t “doing the math”!!!) Once he saw the numbers, he cleaned up his act. :)</p>
<p>I used to live with two men & they may have first thought I was going to do the cooking & cleaning.
:rolleyes:
That didn’t last long as I have no talent for the latter & was only marginally interested in the former at the time.
My boyfriend ( who was one of the men)worked it out by hiring an ex girlfriend to do the heavy cleaning, and so our room ( which was the entire top floor), wouldn’t become one big laundry pile, he encouraged me to do laundry together including putting it away, which helped a great deal.
He also was a chef, and didn’t mind doing the cooking & the other roommate cleaned the kitchen.</p>
<p>Having regular work parties may help for people in group living situations.</p>