An extended thumbnail description of Smith

[TheDad]

<p>So much to catch up on:</p>

<p>

…the issue of lesbianism at Smith is among the “bullet points” to discuss when suggesting the school – and I don’t hesitate to bring this issue up with any locals who are referred to me for feedback.

Bingo.

To me, it is simply part of an overall review of the “culture” of the school, just as if I were giving feedback on a Southern school I might address whether the campus is conservative, or on a school with an active fraternity/sorority scene, how that affects campus life.

Bingo.

To do otherwise is, to me, either avoidant or a “sin of omission.”

Mega-Bingo.

We do Smith no favors, IMO, “denying” a significant aspect of the campus culture.

Mega-Bingo.

I don’t understand with all the descriptive parts to the post, to then react to the one small part about the proportion of the gay population in the student body.

Right. It’s not exactly “headlined” when it’s discussed in paragraph 24 of a 27-paragraph post.

I know that the year my D was accepted, there was a parent on here whom we met at the open house for accepted Stride Scholars whose D had some uncomfortable (for her) experiences.

I had been hesitant to mention this lest I be accused of being needlessly provocative but I am more familiar than this incident than I want to be, in graphic detail. I think the prospect, who now attends Wellesley, overreacted. Her father afterwards was kind enough to send my D the Smith sweatshirt and other items his D had purchased with an intent to attend Smith. The student who “crossed the line”, egregiously and obnoxiously, was seriously disciplined; due to privacy concerns, I can not be certain but I believe the student was expelled. As the cards fell, this came up in a discussion I had with an admissions officer, which then expanded to include the issue of “comfort zones” and such–so cavalierly dismissed by some as being a non-existent issue–and how prospects and student vary in their responses. As I said, personally I think the offended person–who had just cause to be offended for sure–overreacted…a similar experience could have happened at a co-ed school and nobody would write the school off…and that was what was behind my comment in the OP about Smith, unwanted advances, and implicit comparison to a co-ed school.

I also think some shared things are factual. Some are opinions. It is a fact that there is a signficant percentage of gay students on campus at Smith. Whether that matters at all to you, is a personal choice.

Abso-effing-lutely.

My only point, is that WE (all of us at times) put way too much emphasis on the gay issues than we do about the school.

By contesting reality, some people wind up putting a far greater emphasis, via weight of posts, than is otherwise warranted. Shutting one’s eyes and insisting “but it doesn’t exist, it doesn’t exist” is not helpful and is not only a deceitful act of omission, as others have noted, but makes it seem that the “large shadow” cast by the community would be a problem.

I go to the Wellesley thread and read about their great profs and courses, their beautiful campus, how close their student body is, their advising system, the opportunities that their students receive. Come to the Smith threads, and read about the lesbians, transgendered, bi students who, according to some, are running amok and making everyone who enters those hallowed gates just like them. It just isn’t true! There are gay/lesbian issues at every college, even YALE!

Two things, BJM. First, Smith is a lot more “out there” in terms of LBGT presence, Wellesely is more buttoned down, more, urr, undercover. This is fact. Everyone needs to deal. It is <em>not</em> a “problem,” as anyone who has read my posts over the years would indicate. Second, the Wellesley board doesn’t have anyone running around like Butterfly McQueen in “Gone With The Wind” every time Yankees, I mean gays, make an appearance. Smith has a large gay community, probably the largest of any college: FACT. This community casts a large shadow in many dimensions: FACT. It’s not a problem: my OPINION.

I wonder how many new students we have scared off by these comments? I wonder how many parents who read these threads refuse to have their daughters attend such a place? You can write whatever good things you want in a thread, but as soon as the reader reads the words “gay/lesbian” in a sentence, it catches the eye and the inagination.

It is laughable to think that there isn’t whispering rumor out there in the universe already. Personally, I find it deplorable that as soon as a reader reads–or a listener hears–the words “gay/lesbian” that it catches the imagination. But the best way to deal with those imagination is with matter-of-fact reality-based information and accounts of experience. My rule of thumb has been that 1/3 of Smith is gay…given that the recent survey of 1,500 students showed that identifying as “straight” varied by class from 55 to 70 percent, I’ll stick by my rule of thumb as being reasonably accurate as to what a perception of someone living in that community is going to have. There are parents–or students–who, if they see or hear that stat, are never going to set foot on the campus. Those aren’t “lost” students, those are students who were never Smith’s to begin with. But there are students and parents in the middle of the continuum for whom a “yes, here are the demographics, yes, the gay/bi culture is a major fact of life on campus, and no, in our experience from the straight side of things, it’s not a problem” conversation is extremely useful, as Jyber’s experience in talking to prospect families indicates as well as my own.

As a current student, I would say that TD’s post gives a very accurate picture of “Smith at a Glance,” including the issue of sexual orientation (which he did not highlight or underscore in any way).

Thanks, Laurel. It’s nice to get some collaboration from another current student, other than from my own D, that as “only a parent,” I’ve got a pretty good handle on Smith. Lord knows, I try.

[quote]
I am straight, but was on the recieving end of a few advances from gay women this year, especially at the beginning of the year when my sexual orientation was probably unknown. I did not find it disrespectful or discourteous and while the advances were “unwanted” I didn’t expect the other person to automatically know that. In fact, because it was never discourteous or the least bit threatening, I found it somewhat flattering. One unwanted advance certainly does not rise to the level of “sexual harrasment”, particularly if the person makes no further advances after being told that the attention is not welcome.

[quote]
What I’ve heard is that it takes a while for people to figure out which side of the plate [my idiom] other people hit from and that there’s sometimes some awkwardness and confusion until things sort out. Which can be momentarily “uncomfortable” for some, which is, as you indicate, a far cry from “harrassment”–a word I never used…I don’t appreciate my words being twisted to frame a strawman argument.

but there IS a very open and fairly numerous population of gay and bi-sexual women at Smith. If stating that drives prospies or their parents elsewhere, then they probably are making the best decision to attend a different school.

Mega-Bingo.

</p>

<p>BTW TD, I think you should start including Jazz Band in your section on musical groups.

LOL. Done!!! Contrary to what some might think, I only cite what I have fairly closehand accounts of. I hadn’t been aware of the jazz band.

Convocation, soooo much fun – never experienced anything even remotely like it before and it really cements house spirit. But if you’re worried about scaring parents of prospies away, you’d better confine disucussions about convocation to The Jolt.

Ain’t that the truth. What my D doesn’t tell me won’t hurt me, or something like that. Fortunately, I’ve cultivated multiple sources over the years…so, like, I can maybe paint 10 percent of certain pictures of things Parents Aren’t Supposed to Know. D has been surprised at how much knowledge I’d accumulated about traditions at various Houses.</p>