<p>My in-laws are from Tennessee, and my children grew up in Colorado. One day, my mother-in-law said something was “over yonder.” DS said, “Grandmother, where’s yonder?”</p>
<p>I love these stories :D! This is the best one that I can tell on CC, and I have told it before, so apologies to those with good memories:</p>
<p>When my oldest d was 2 and a half years old, a favorite plaything was a plastic set of barnyard animals. One day, she flipped over the cow, pointed to its nether regions, and asked, “What’s that?” “Those are her udders, where the milk comes from,” I said cheerfully. Flipping over the bull, she asked, “And what’s that?” Well, there was some vague protruberance there, and deciding to take advantage of a teachable moment, I gave her the anatomically correct word.</p>
<p>Next day, her great grandparents were visiting for lunch, and she brought the cow and bull in to the dining room. Holding the cow over a tea cup, she said, “Now the cow will give us some milk.” Then, holding the bull in a similar position, she announced, “And now the bull will give us some peanuts.”</p>
<p>^^^I spit out wine in my mouth.</p>
<p>Yes, so funny.</p>
<p>frazzled, what did the great grandparents say?</p>
<p>We all laughed until we cried. 
They were great company.</p>
<p>We were listening to Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” and everyone in the family was getting into it. The next line was…“Maybe we’ll have some pumpkin pie and we’ll do some caroling.”</p>
<p>My daughter sings, “Maybe we’ll have some f*****g pie and we’ll do some caroling!”</p>
<p>I wanted to brain her but I have to admit it does sound like that f word.</p>
<p>^^^We could probably start a whole new thread on kids getting song lyrics wrong.
I read somewhere about a child singing Silent Night and and then with a puzzled expression asking who “John Virgin” was.</p>
<p>I think my daughter was really singing, “Look at me, I’m now a teenager and aren’t you lucky.”</p>
<p>I’ve told this here before…</p>
<p>When my boys were young, they learned that their mom had periods, but I explained that it was private (I didn’t want them making public announcements).</p>
<p>Well, I used to babysit their girl-cousin who was the about their same age, and I used to bathe them all together. Then when she was about 4 and needed to put her swimsuit on, I told her to change in the bathroom so she could have her privacy. Well, S2 ran into my room and came back with a Kotex. Shocked, I said, “no, she doesn’t need that.” “Oh,” said S2, “she needs the other ones.”</p>
<p>^^^OMG, these stories are awesome.</p>
<p>Do any of you remember those short films with the Candid Camera guy? He would interview kids, and he was so gentle and accepting, the kids just produced the best stuff ever for him…</p>
<p>Oh, Alan Funt was his name.</p>
<p>Boy, am I dating myself.</p>
<p>DS (10) to DS (7)
You are a waste of Mom and Dad’s chromosomes</p>
<p>Google is such a wonderful thing.</p>
<p>Alan Funt wasn’t the first to mine children for the laughs.</p>
<p>Here’s some great ones from Art Linkletter’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things”</p>
<p>[Kids</a> Say the Darndest Things ( Art Linkletter’s House Party) By Bill Cosby - YouTube](<a href=“Kids Say the Darndest Things ( Art Linkletter's House Party) By Bill Cosby - YouTube”>Kids Say the Darndest Things ( Art Linkletter's House Party) By Bill Cosby - YouTube)</p>
<p>My mom told me that when I was 1.5-2 years old, I stuck my head under the stall door in a McDonald’s bathroom and yelled, “Mom, there’s an old lady pooping!” (in Spanish though, as that was my first language.)</p>
<p>These are very funny.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4–I don’t think you are dating yourself on this forum by mentioning Alan Funt. A too thorough reading of one section of today’s NYT brought me to the obits where I learned that both the Professor from Gilligan’s Island and Reubin Kincaid from the Partridge Family had passed. I didn’t even bother trying to explain to my boys. I know they would have listened patiently, and nodded, but not understood the cultural TV reference.</p>
<p>Of course, this isn’t helping to distract you.</p>
<p><a href=“Russell Johnson, the Professor on ‘Gilligan’s Island,’ Dies at 89 - The New York Times”>Russell Johnson, the Professor on ‘Gilligan’s Island,’ Dies at 89 - The New York Times;
<a href=“Dave Madden, Grumpy Manager on ‘The Partridge Family,’ Dies at 82 - The New York Times”>Dave Madden, Grumpy Manager on ‘The Partridge Family,’ Dies at 82 - The New York Times;
<p>I still remember when my D called me on the phone and said, “Mom, can I buy a sword?” She was serious and wanted one that is pretty heavy and somewhat sharp from an Anime convention. (Yes, I did let her get one; a friend who was over 18 purchased it with our permission; her friends were so jealous & now it has a place of honor gathering dust in the closet.)</p>
<p>When D was 3 and I finally finished her cotton comforter, she was delighted and said, “I’m going to take my COMFORTABLE to preschool for show and tell.”</p>
<p>When S was being persuaded by preschool teacher to put his foot into the paint to make a ‘ghost’ for Halloween decoration, he wrinkled his nose and said, ‘No, I don’t want my foot to get dirty.’ He also refused to lick his fingers after doing finger paint with pudding (the other kids had no such qualms).</p>
<p>D was learning about other cultures in preschool and same home with a big frown. She said, “Mommy, all the other kids in class are so interesting. Some are Japanese and French, some are Chinese and English, some are even more different cultures. I’m Chinese and what?” Sadly I shook my head, but she brightened and said, “I’m Chinese and Catholic!”</p>
<p>S was in the ER, getting stitches. The ER doc (trying to assess how well wound would be cared for at home) asked the scout leader, "OK, so what does HIson’s mom do?: Scout leader, “Oh, she’s a lawyer. Whoops, not THAT kind of lawyer.” Both of them smiled and were especially amused that S’s biggest complaint was that the solution they put on the wound wasn’t washed off and made it ‘dirty.’</p>
<p>Later that week, when he went to the pedi to get the stitches out, the pedi said that HIson had to remove the stitches. HIson said, “You’re making ME do this instead of you so I won’t holler, right?” Sure enough, not a sound!</p>
<p>When my D was about 3, we were at Six Flags and asked if she wanted to ride the mini mine train. She asked, “What does mini mean?” H said " It means small." She thought for a minute and then said, “No, I’d rather ride the Mickey mine train.” (She’s still a Disney fanatic).</p>
<p>When our daughter was around 3 my husband shaved off his beard. When DD saw him she said “Daddy please put your face back on”.</p>
<p>When DS was also around 3, while conversing with the family I commented that I had a song stuck in my head. DS leaned over and put his ear next to mine and asked if he could hear the song.</p>
<p>When DD was young there was a Factory 2U store down the street. She pronounced it F****y 2U.</p>
<p>When I was pregnant with DS, DD and I had peanut butter sandwiches at home for lunch. She asked me if the sandwich went right to the baby and how did I know if he liked peanut butter?</p>
<p>As for misunderstood song lyrics, DD liked to sing “Takin’ care of biscuits every day, Takin’ care of biscuits every way”</p>
<p>S2 had a really, really hard time with many speech sounds as a toddler. His initials are C K, and he could not for te life of him pronounce them properly…Hard C/K came out as a "t " sound. So that’s bad, when you can’t properly pronounce you own name, but it gets worse. MUCH worse. We were walking into the grocery store one day, when my precious little guy was about 2 1/2. Out front, there was a lady trying to adopt out the most adorable little kittens. We stopped, petted, oohed and ahh’d and proceeded to go about our business in the market. The whole time we were walking up and down the aisles, the kid was boisterously discussing the lady and her pretty kitties. How he loved kitties. How he wanted to pet the kitties. As it became clear to him that, no, we were not going to take a kitty home, the wailing for “kitties” began in earnest. I. Was. Mortified. Thankfully I had a short list, and we were out of there in record time. The checker still remembers him, some 14 years later.</p>
<p>We have two sons that are three years apart. S2 was always a natural at coming up with those darndest things. When he turned three he visited the doctor and let go some wind while being checked. He asked the doctor, “who farted?” </p>
<p>When he was four I asked him what is the opposite of friend. “Brother,” came the response. Another time I asked him what he would do if a stranger asked him to come with him for some candy. He said, “I would tell him he needed to brush my teeth after.”</p>
<p>When DD was a preschooler, she called Toys R Us “Toys For Us”. She also called Taco Bell “Talk About”.</p>