One thing to think about is whether they have the assets to afford a buy-in place. These are generally a bad idea for those who need their money to live on. My mother had a nice condo in a retirement community after my father died, but had to sell it to get her money out. Now she is renting in an independent senior living apartment complex that includes meals and light housekeeping. But if she needs more care, we’ll have to hire help for her, and if she should decline to the point of requiring full-time care, she will, unfortunately, have to move.
My in-laws are in worse shape and it happened very suddenly. My father in law has severe osteoporosis (he has three broken vertebrae right now), then my MIL fell and broke her leg yesterday. So from 3000 miles away, we’re trying to find options for assisted living. They’re in a rented house right now, and DH is flying out this weekend to help.
Yes @Massmomm, we did the remote control thing about 15 years ago. My dad had a stroke and died a year later from unrelated lung cancer and mid-way through this my Mom came down with Guillain-Barre syndrome and was very weak and in a rehab hospital when he died. I took over my parents’ finances at that point, hired someone to manage medical bills (a gem – alas she died very young a few years later. We had multiple trips to visit. I have four siblings – two who are nearby and not very competent and another one who is farther away (and had little kids). The whole process was very tough for us.
The good news here is that if she moves, she will be moving near the competent one whose husband is a leading surgeon in his field in the city. He knows the internist who is associated with the facility and I’m sure she could go to my BIL’s hospital. That means that the docs and nurses at the hospital will generally treat her very well as he will no doubt be stopping by to check in on her.
My mom already downsized a couple of years ago – it was traumatic for her to move from a 4K or 5K sf home to a two BR apartment with a bunch of my brother’s stuff in it (he was using at least two rooms of a huge home to keep his stuff). So, not so much furniture to move. The trauma will be disentangling from my brother, who is a hoarder among other things.