The DNA technique the Dutch used in post 297 is also how they recently found the Freeway Killer suspect in California:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/true-crime/wp/2018/04/27/golden-state-killer-dna-website-gedmatch-was-used-to-identify-joseph-deangelo-as-suspect-police-say/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.6f6c9895b1f5
I mailed my DNA kit off today. I am particularly interested to see if it shows any Native American. The story goes that a distant grandmother was full Cherokee; however, my daughter’s DNA test showed 0% Native American. I recently discovered a distant cousin from the same line that claimed the NA ancestry. She had heard the story, too, but her DNA test also showed 0 NA. I’m thinking my ancestors were liars. 
Two stories:
I got one from a father of a Scandinavian country whose adopted son is “fifth cousin” of mine. He wants to know more about his son since he was adopted from an orphanage and they basically knew nothing about him. I could not really provide much info of course other than the general features of the region he is from.
The other one is more interesting, a friend of mine went to visit her cousin and her cousin’s child for the first time on the other side of the coast, her cousin is from her now diseased, never married aunt. Apparently, her aunt had an out-of-wedlock child that no one in the family was aware of, she had the baby and gave it away. She found her cousin through 23&me and got into contact and visited them.
The NY Times Ethicist story is not about legal rights. If the grandfather and the mother agree that the grandfather can have a relationship with the grandchildren, the sperm donor father has no legal right to forbid it.
This is not about what is legal, but about what is right. As I said, I’m not sure that the sperm donor has the moral right to keep his father from the father’s bio grandchildren, provided the custodial parents of the grandchildren agree to the relationship.
I have one! My mom, amateur genealogist, uploaded S19’s DNA to ancestry to try to track down my late father-in-law’s bio parents (he was adopted.) Instead, I got an email immediately that S was 2nd cousin to a woman on Ancestry who was trying to find her adopted dad’s bio parents. I connected her to my mom and they figured out that her dad was my mom’s previously unknown half brother, born a year to the day before my mom. My mom’s dad died in WWII so no one ever knew about the son he had with another woman. Even more odd, my mom’s half brother ended up at the Air Force Academy when their mutual uncle was an instructor there. The half brother had known his uncle very well but had no idea his mentor was also his uncle.
I mentioned a friend earlier in this thread. She recently met her biological father for the first time. Growing up, she always believed the man married to her mother was her father. Her mother and this other man have since passed away. She did the test to find out her heritage, only to learn that the man she thought was her father really wasn’t. I don’t think she’ll develop any long lasting relationships with this family. It was really helpful to her to find out why she felt so different from her siblings.
My mother went to a funeral of a relative of my deceased father. His side of the family was quite large and far flung so we never saw much of that side and were not close. At the funeral there was a pall bearer my mm did not recognize and asked who it was. It turned out to be the deceased’s son no one knew about hat was found via DNA.The father was in the military and stationed in California for a time and had a fling with an under aged girl (15). He shipped out after they had been together for a couple of months and lost all contact. It turns out she was pregnant and he never knew.
Th found each other just a few months before he passed.
I’m resurrecting this thread because of a recent experience. Someone with an unrecognizable name popped up on Ancestry DNA as a first or second cousin of mine, with far more shared DNA than other second cousins. Curious, I messaged her. She is in her 30s, grew up near me – and just recently found out she was conceived by sperm donation. I gave her some family info and told her it was going to be up to her to connect the dots if she’d like to.
I’m thinking she may be a first cousin once removed, but even then we share more DNA than my one first cousin once removed on Ancestry. A first cousin is very unlikely since my dad’s brothers were born before 1920.
Last year I got a message from an adoptee who was looking for any family members and matched me at a fairly high level - long story short, we figured out who her birth mother was (not related to me) and that she was my half-aunt, fathered by my grandfather (he was 58 at the time, her birth mom 22)… Just last month I got another message from another adoptee- matches the first as full siblings(!)… Yep, my grandfather again…the two sisters (my half-aunts) are 15 months apart in age. Since they are now 68 and 67 and have no relatives who were around back then we can only speculate as to the circumstances ? Who knows who else is out there!
I received my results back in September and just realized I never posted again. There are quite a few second/third cousins, and I was contacted immediately by one of them. Turns out his grandfather was my great grandfather’s brother. My g-grandfather was the oldest and this cousin’s grandfather was the youngest of seven kids. They were 18 years apart. My g-grandfather died young, when my grandmother was only 5 or 6, and his entire family (parents, siblings and their spouses) left the area soon after. My g-grandmother remarried and stayed here. My grandmother knew very little about her bio father, and my mom and I have been searching for information on him for several years. I knew this younger brother existed, and was excited to be in touch with this cousin. The younger brother named one of his kids after my g-grandfather. Unfortunately, the cousin doesn’t know much about my g-grandfather at all, but they have shared pictures of one of the other siblings.
My 2 oldest children did 23 and me. Her brothers can’t stop teasing D about her 87% Neanderthal heritage; son is only 12%. The funny thing is that D resembles H, right down to what he calls his “Arya-thal” brow, while my son looks like a Viking, complete with bright blue eyes and shoulder length strawberry blonde hair. I am thinking of having the other 3 kids tested. Sons 2 and 4 resemble D, while son 3 more resembles son 1.
Both of them showed me the list of relatives that you are given. The only name I recognized is my maternal first cousin’s D. I haven’t seen or spoken with that part of the family in over 20 years. I discouraged my children from making contact with anyone on my side of the family, but told them to do what they wanted on H’s side. So far, neither has reached out to anyone.
Sad update from my post #12: D’s friend’s adoptive parents have now cut off contact from her due to her finding and connecting with her birth parents. Sadly, D’s friend also went through a divorce early in 2018 and is now a single mom to 2 young boys, and now without family support. I know her adoptive parents, and this totally stunned me. I feel so badly for her as she works to put a new life together for her and her boys.
@“cincy gal” I’m so sorry to hear that. What’s their excuse for their horrible behavior? I hope your daughter’s friend is in counseling.
Does she live near you? If she feels welcome in your home it might help. Family is sometimes the people we choose to surround ourselves with, not those who raised us.
I think you mean more Neanderthal variants than 87% of the general population, not 87% Neanderthal.
My spouse contacted a few 4th - 5th cousins from different sides of his family, through 23andMe, who had listed many surnames.
They had no information on their branches but we did so we happily provided links to the information.
Trying to understand why the “wonderful people” of post #12 cut off contact with their daughter. She found her birth parents, but that’s what a lot of us would do if we were adopted, without in any way rejecting our adoptive parents.
My friend in his late 60s (he was adopted) found two siblings via Ancestory.com, and met them in person for the first time last week. I saw a photo, and one in particular looks so much like him. He is thrilled. The sibs grew up with his birth mom, and were able to tell him many stories and a lot of interesting info.
Agree with @“Cardinal Fang” – such an insecure and immature reaction by the adoptive parents. So sorry for the D’s friend. 
We heard only one side of the story… what if the (now adult herself) child said or did something, possibly repeatedly, that deeply hurt the feelings of her parents.
To be fair to the adoptive parents, many adopted years ago with a closed adoption plan and feel betrayed when that plan is disrupted without their permission. Adoptions being reversed and children removed from the home were making the news and people were scared. Some adopted children had backstories that weren’t so nice and the parent wanted the children protected. I can understand this being a reaction. A first reaction. They need to get over it or they’ll lose out on so many things.
I did an international adoption and I thought one of the advantages would be that it would be ‘clean’ and my child wouldn’t be torn between two families. I was wrong and almost immediately all the adoptive parents I knew would have given anything for our kids to have a past, any past.
I know quite a few people who searched and found birth families. Not all were happy endings.
I am sure that is what I meant, lol.
My D is not a Neanderthal but calling her 87% Neanderthal based on her having more Neanderthal traits than 87% of the population is how her brothers tease her. It’s funnier to them to see her face when they tell someone she’s 87% than the actual definition. We all know it’s just percentiles.