I wake up most mornings crying about it and cry during the day. I am very sad over the whole thing. I have already spoken to anyone who could have helped. Her doctor tried to reach her directly and the birth parents would not let her through. An elder from the church also. We already looked at going through the police, and county mental health. There is a court process to take her in, but, they said unless she admits or we have proof that she is suicidal, they won’t do anything. I go back and forth between feeling like she is my daughter and I love her and they are hurting her and stole her from this family, to…she made her decision, try to move on and accept it. It is like having your child die, except, you can’t go cry to friends that your child is dead, it is not like that, and the hope that things could change is real, which means you cannot move on and you don’t know what to do.
I am going to go back to my old posts and read them. I clearly was in denial that things were as bad as they were. Edited to add: I realize I did not make it clear in my first initial post of the long thread I am reading now that she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 12 yrs old. I referred to mood disorder in my original post, but did not clarify she was already diagnosed. I did have her re-evaluated after making my post though. I should have made that more clear. This was a long term, and building problem that we have dealt with. It was not new with 12th grade. But from reading the post, it is clear that I saw the writing on the wall and did not do enough. Unsure what else I could have done back then.
like you said in your first post, she is mentally ill.
I could have been your daughter, I was that messed up, and I still struggle with mental illness.
But she cannot make rational decisions because of her illness.
If she is anything like me, she needs consistency, and persistence, as the only thing that started to break down the barrier that I had built around myself, trapping me with the behaviors that were destroying me(& the people that supported those behaviors), was the continued attempts by others to reach out to me and their belief that I was redeemable.
You really need more external supports, for yourself, for your daughter and for the rest of your family.
I don’t know where you are located, but NAMI is a national organization and has groups in all states. http://www.nami.org
What would you be doing if this was your birth child and she was staying with a cult?
This child is your child. You have every right to feel awful about this situation, and to try to right for this kiddo. The obstacle is that she is now over age 18. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try.
ANe please…do find someone who you can talk to during this difficult time. You need support too.
I advise you to immediately change your FAFSA PIN - and change it to something she will not be able to figure out. Do this by going to www.pin.ed.gov. Click on Change My PIN on the left hand side.
OP- I haven’t read your previous posts but sounds as though you might need a break from worrying about/dealing with college related issues right now. I surmise you’ve had a couple of terrible, horrible, no good very bad years.
If you don’t have someone to confide in in your real life- I think that’s the A priority.
Mental illness is an insidious and terrible corrosive influence on the entire family. Big hug to you. I am sure that the feeling of limbo you describe- mourning your D while she is still alive, must be very painful. I hope you have a good night’s sleep tonight.
Yes…I would. My husband and I are both adopted. That is why we adopted. I love her very much. I want her to come home and get help. I am very worried she will commit suicide. I, myself, am slipping in to incredible sadness because I am worried she won’t live through this.
i would give NAMI a call and they may have information about what you can do to possibly get her evaluated.
I understand that bipolar is very challenging, and even if they are taking medication, it isn’t a panacea.
( I have just garden variety major depression, made worse by SAD, but as I have gotten older it is much more stable, and I haven’t even taken meds for years.)
I also agree you need a break from worrying about her.
Optimally, someone could be a mediator, and encourage her to get treatment. A third party might also be less threatening to her birth parents.
Decades ago, my girlfriend was diagnosed bipolar. Rampant promiscuity was part of her illness. She would get arrested sometimes during manic phases, e.g., trying to burn down her apartment because she thought she was under attack–but the mandatory hospital commitments were too short to help.
Three of her four siblings were bipolar. Some accepted medication, some didn’t. Eventually my girlfriend jumped off a bridge and died; we knew she was trying to fly because she’d been arrested on the bridge before. It was no ones fault, although the system that kept her parents from having her committed long-term played a role.
I think her parents would have benefited from attending a help group with other parents of bipolar kids–they kept blaming themselves for something that was out of their control, and it nearly destroyed their remaining family.
I hope you will seek to protect your mental health, and know that this is an insidious disease your daughter has very little control over. Hugs to you.
You have valid grounds for pressing federal charges against her for mail fraud. If you think that she might get psychological help while in jail, that might be an option to consider. The risk would be that she would be all the angrier at you, so if someone bonded her out she’d be more dangerous.
Since you are a Christian, keep reading the parable of the repentant son/prodigal father over and over and over again. Sometimes all you can do is pray and wait for your child to “come to herself”. And the above suggestion is a very good one - contact NAMI and locate a support group for families of mentally ill children.