Exactly! Until a couple of years ago I was a bit of a snob about my assurance of staying fairly able as I age and continuing to do “normal” things like stairs as long as possible as a way to stay youthful. Really, in my head I was twenty years younger than I am (still feel that way, really, the term “senior citizen” applied to myself just grates or makes me laugh a little. I’m still a kid!) I thought people should stick with stairs as long as possible in the “use it or lose it” vein. I’ve never been an athlete, nor a runner (I get shin splints) and got a bit soft and physically passive in the years I was schlepping my D to lessons for years every afternoon. But after she left for college I was walking many hilly miles everyday, pumping a stationary bike and taking yoga in my mid-sixties. Then I got lyme disease two years ago that knocked me off my feet (literally) for a couple of months and I’ve never been quite the same since, though I do do all of the above activities, in moderation, tiredness comes and goes but never quite leaves. During the worst of it I couldn’t walk five steps without reaching for a wall or chair to keep from falling down, or spend more than three minutes at a time standing at the sink. Took weeks after treatment before I could walk a quarter mile. That really knocked som sense in me how quickly things can change for a person, anywhere, anytime, and especially when elderly. I am now humbled and respect the precaution of looking ahead! I’m trying to stay healthy as long as possible, as my kid is only 22 and I sure don’t want her to have to interrupt her life to worry about me anytime soon!
My parents lived in a really nice buy- in with all the bells and whistles and loved it. My mother, always a bit shy and socially insecure morphed into a veritable butterfly who never stopped for a minute between her various activities and engagements with a gaggle of friends. I don’t think she was ever happier than those last twenty years of her life. When my dad got dementia he was moved upstairs and down the hall, taken care of 24/7 and she could visit him any time, for five minutes or five hours at a time because he was less than a ten minute walk away. After a stroke, she was fussed over and cared for for her last year and a half in the place she already called home. (It helped that my sister, childless by choice, was just fifteen miles away). Having said that, I don’t think that environment is for me, at ALL, I have a lot of serious food allergies that would make the group meals pretty impossible and I’m sure I couldn’t quite afford the ones nice enough to want to live in. But I’m thinking a lot about what might be possible down the line that could make me happy AND not a burden to my D in her busiest adult years. She’ll still be just 34 when I’m 80 and she’ll also have her dad to visit and think about (he’s a little younger though). Hoping here to open my mind and maybe learn about some affordable communities that are sort of half- half or smaller living situations that are homey and somewhat sociable with some built-in support and independence and not cut off from the stream of life (and have walkable outdoor pace. Maybe that doesn’t exist without great wealth. I do like real neighborhoods with some people of all ages integrated and don’t, personally like a country club feeling! My dream place would be close to nature, outdoor spaces with a lot of native plants and no industrial landscaping…acres of dyed mulch with a few exotics plopped into the ground and grass that might as well be carpet do not appeal to me (no offense to those of you who like it…but it would make me feel terribly depressed!) Anybody know of anything like that? I do realize this thread is likely not going to target these kinds of places so I certainly won’t mind if nobody discusses this particular preference!
I have friends who live in a 55+ community of townhomes in Colorado. It’s something like eight buildings with four, two-story units. All have the primary suite on the first floor, and there’s a volunteer HOA that takes care of the yardwork and insures things such as roofs. They have an end unit.
They like it a lot, and we loved it when we visited. Felt like just enough community, and there could be more if you wanted. I would love to find someplace like that wherever we relocate.
Some folks are building “intentional” communities that have mixed ages and everyone does some of the work for the group, like modern day co-ops of years before. When the buildings are new and folks are fairly healthy, that sounds like it could work pretty well. As the buildings and people age and more help is needed, they have to be sure there is enough capital on hand and enough help for people who need more assistance. Sorry, wish there were more and better answers.
We are hoping that as we need it, we can hire some visiting nurse and chef to come and service a bunch of our homes all together, since so many of us in this neighborhood are all aging–60s-90s.
I have an answer for your reasonable question. Often when people are looking for someplace without stairs, it’s not necessarily because they have current issues with stairs.. It’s because they want to be ready if someday in rehab from a knee replacement or other temporary situation. (With having a lot of older friends, I’ve seen this scenario multiple times. Or for a time when one of the spouses (or both) is challenged by stairs… but at least one of them still enjoys walking and could take advantage of neighborhood walkability.
We have friends who found a great place. It’s an over 55 community…that has all sorts of activities for active seniors…swimming, pizza nights, movies, tennis, pickleball, mahjong, bridge, trips for arts events, trips for shopping, trips to interesting places, a dinner club…you get the idea.
Everyone owns their own house, but not the land it is built on. There is a HOA fee which covers all outdoor maintenance except annual plantings folks do. It’s about 250 homes, all with a master on the first floor. Lots of different housing designs.
The community provides a ton to do. Our friends found they only needed one car…because the community transport was so good.
No buy in other than your mortgage…but it doesn’t include any meals or health care. That’s something our friends will hire out if they need to.
Really, that would work for me!
Either that…or I want to move to NYC in a great apartment/coop/apartment. Maintenance belongs to someone else…and folks in NYC can walk to just about anything they need. And plenty of delivery!
Our friends found a lot of 55 and up communities, but in the northeast, they had less luck finding communities that also had a community center, pool, tennis courts, activities a plenty, etc. Most were just age restricted housing developments. That is not what they wanted. They wanted the activities!
There is a 55+ condo community in park-like setting close to my pickleball courts. Tempting… but perhaps too close (noise concerns). They each have a garage, and I think there are elevators. One day I got curious and checked into them online. Purchase could probably be covered by house proceeds. Monthly fees perhaps not more than what we average for maintenance etc. But it felt like to much downsizing for us, at least for now. However it might get more tempting if we had friends moving there.
I am also thinking about the city, including Brooklyn where one of my kids lives. I love Park Slope and it is very mixed-age (unlike Boston/Cambridge). Boston and Cambridge have “villages” to help people stay at home, and there are other organizations of volunteers as well.
I am a bit of a hermit. I am unsure whether this means a community would be good for me (socializing takes little effort) or suffocating . Right now, if I take a walk and wave at someone, that is enough socializing for me Cities provide a lot of people contact while allowing a lot of alone-ness. The corner store becomes an important part of your life!
My sister is single and retired and wanted to move from the town she had lived in most of her life to an area closer to her son and grandchildren. But she didn’t want to be dependent on them for all her social needs and she’s not an extrovert. Moving to a 55+ condo community with a pool, pickleball courts, walking paths, and lots of activities has been perfect. She tries out one new activity a month and has found a few she is sticking with. She knows her neighbors. She’s also trying to build connections outside the community, but it has been a good foundation in a new area. It’s not a place that provides care, but it is an active seniors community.
My H’s father was in a place like that for about 6 months until he went into hospice. It was very nice and all the people who worked there were wonderful. We were very happy with it.
H’s mother died in her 60’s of cancer so she never made it into assisted living. And my father died in his 50’s of an aneurysm, so again never made it into assisted living.
For my mom, she wasn’t in assisted living until the last year of her life. In fact, she was pretty sharp until the last year of her life. It just go to be too much for my stepfather to care for her at home, he is younger than her, but still pretty old and one day my mother fell and my stepfather pulled a muscle trying to get her up and another time my mom went to take a walk, and got lost because she had forgotten how to get home.
As for my stepfather, he wants to stay in his own home. Mentally he is still very sharp. but he can’t see or hear very well, and I can tell his walking is getting slower. He know has live in help who assist with cooking, chores, and making sure he is ok and get around. It’s nice knowing someone is there since he can’t see very well. He is able to get around because he’s lived in the house so long, he kind of has the layout memorized. But, the caregivers do help a lot and they also drive him on errands and to appointments as needed. But, my stepfather is lucky to also have relatives and friends who are able to help with driving to appointments and errands too. He has a nice neighbor who takes him grocery shopping every week.
Most of my sibs & their spouses live within 5 miles of us. We have several nieces also within about 5 miles of us as well. We could probably hire someone as a live in if we needed it because we have both the space and the money, but so far are doing fine.
One other idea is to live near a college, preferably one with a nursing school. My friend’s mother had a couple from Gordon College living with her and they didn’t pay rent in exchange for helping with a few things. (Later on she had actual aides come in…)
I’ve never been interested in a 55+ community (but never say never) because I think young people keep you young. When I was in college I never met old people no matter their age because of the interaction they had with younger people. My dad ( made it to 99 y/o) loved being in his neighborhood with kids around–he made it a mission to teach them things (he loved building things and projects) and I think it kept him very young.
Cities provide a lot of people contact while allowing a lot of alone-ness. The corner store becomes an important part of your life!