If I knew you IRL we’d be drinking buddies…
thank you for the laugh- and the reminder NOT to post on my phone where I don’t bother to proof before pushing “reply”… 
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My kids and I obtained Italian citizenship and we used a company to assist us because 1. we needed birth, marriage and death certificates from Italy and 2. the path to citizenship involved the Italian courts as the citizenship claim is grounded in a court decision restoring Italian citizenship to Italian women who married men who were US citizens.
The downside is that it’s located above the Arctic Circle and well north of Mainland Norway. 
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Think I read about this and you have to like walk around with a gun to wart of Polar Bears to something like that.
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