@musicdm I’m sorry that your situation has not been ideal. I do believe that the short-term pain of adjusting expectations (which you seem to be doing already) is much more manageable than the long-term pain of debt.
Nothing said below is meant to indicate that you did not take the right steps. You did…and there are just some kids as @YertleTurtle indicates where the safeties etc don’t work. I do want you to know, however, that my kid did not attend her INITIAL dream school. I let her know that her dream school was not going to become my financial nightmare! Luckily, while looking at affordable alternatives, she really did find a lot of great choices. In the end she never applied to her dream school. So my only suggestion is to let him dig deep into a few schools that may be more affordable and/or generous. And it is great that he has some professional musicians to bounce ideas off. They are usually very savvy about debt and the realities of a music career. It sounds like they are already playing a role in helping him understand that there are many paths to a music career.
I also do want to add that for certain art forms (MT and Theater which I’m more familiar with) you do not NEED a college degree as you point out. When looking at MT schools, this was often pointed out…so the question was…WHY do you want a college degree. Maybe a good thing for your son to continue to mull over during his gap year. What does he really want from college and what does he want to pay for it. He could move to a city and do a lower cost school…and just start gigging.
In our case, I wanted my D to have a bachelor’s degree for 2 reasons (and I had a set amt in my head what that should cost). I wanted her to do the high level academic work required to earn a bachelor’s degree (and that includes all the exploration, critical thinking skills, study abroad etc). She wanted it too (but not all kids do…some just want to start making music). And, yes, it was a Plan B…if music didn’t work or she changed her mind…she would have a Bachelor’s degree which could open doors to other careers or graduate programs.
Good luck next year. It will still be an exciting time for him as it sounds like his music journey will continue.