<p>How very practical of you to get your BF some new nice shoes for his BDay! Glad you had a great time & were appropriately dressed so you didn’t feel uncomfortable. Shoes can be challenging to buy if your BF’s feet are as quirky as those in our family, so it might be best to give him an IOU wrapped in a nice box, saying you’ll pay for the shoes he gets when you go shopping with him (or get a pair from Zappos.com so you can return it if it doesn’t fit with no postage charges.</p>
<p>Twisted - We are all glad that you had a good time! </p>
<p>Parents/Students - A pair of black pants and a pair of black shoes (or black sneakers or walking shoes) will get you through a lot of occassions. If you don’t have such items, start watching for sales to be ready for college. </p>
<p>(My son has needed black shoes for piano recitals and band concerts and marching band for the past 12 years. I am soooo happy that his feet have stopped growing!)</p>
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<p>Spitting in someone’s soup is “incredibly disrespectful.” Other patrons are not props. I gave up trying to figure all this out when restaurants started making up dress codes like “business casual.” Even in this thread people cannot agree on what it means. I dress appropriately and what others choose to wear is of no concern to me. </p>
<p>I recently watched a grown woman nearly become unhinged because we were an event where most men where in tuxes but some where in dark suits. A perfect example of “modern manners”; she was wrong on the etiquette and using it as a tool with which to judge others.</p>
<p>Twisted, I’m glad it all worked out and you had a good time. I’m not clear how it improved your evening to decided that people in jeans looked “stupid.” People generally try their best but we all come up short from time to time.</p>
<p>I’m with you, pugmadkate, I don’t see why it matters to anyone what the other customers are wearing in a restaurant. After all, even if it calls for “business casual”, a date is not a business event. Two young adults, who are planning a special evening out, will want to look nice for their date, but to go out to buy a new wardrobe just for the restaurant seems ridiculous. Personally, I would steer clear of a restaurant that used those terms (business casual), especially for a Valentine’s dinner date! </p>
<p>Owning appropriate shoes for interviews is a separate issue though.</p>
<p>It didn’t improve my evening that I thought the people who showed up in blue jeans looked stupid, it improved my evening that the attire I chose did not make me look obviously out of place. It’s not as if I was looking around scoping out what everyone was wearing so I could judge them, but since I had put so much thought into making sure I was dressed appropriately I did make it a point to take notice of what most of the others were wearing to see if I had met the mark. Given that 90% of the patrons were in black pants or skirts, I was pleased that I was not one of the ones who stuck out like a sore thumb. No need to make it something it isn’t. I tend to overdress at times and look just as silly.</p>
<p>Twisted - you have a good head on your shoulder. If you and your boyfriend should get married someday, you will be an asset to him.</p>
<p>pugmadkate -</p>
<p>Spitting in someone’s soup is not disrespectful - it’s disgusting and a flagrant violation of civil behavior. Wearing obviously inappropriate clothes, i.e., gardening clothes to a fine restaurant, IS disrespectful to the restaurant proprietor and to the other patrons. On the behavior scale, it’s as minor violation, clearly. But when I’m spending a hundred dollars or more on a meal, I don’t want to sit next to some guy in dirty overalls and a sweatshirt. And quite frankly, many restaurant owners cringe when people like this walk in, but few can afford to turn them away.</p>
<p>Years ago a local restaurant posted “no jeans” at the entrance, but later it was gone. Locals are more casual than in some areas. They have an upscale charity ball that is blue jeans or black tie- some jeans are very fancy and therefore the ones those ladies would choose. The key is the local customs, in a college town/area I would expect different dress than in downtown NYC. I am so thankful pants and not dresses are usually acceptable attire for women- especially in winter. Footwear is also weather dependent- no reason for women to freeze or trip because of “fashion” rules- they have evolved to fit modern sensibilities. Women are no longer required to meet appearance rules that no man would choose if he had to wear the items. “Rules” change when people choose for them to by their lack of adherence to the old ones. I like the comfort overruling old customs- women finally rebelled against the uncomfortable rules sometime along with the woman’s lib movement.</p>
<p>I am intrigued by the fact that I keep hearing people implying that flat shoes are not as formal as high heels. I don’t wear high heels for health reasons, they would cause nerve damage, am I going to be continually judged for dressing too casual because I don’t wear heels? It seems a bit strange that shoes that are massively uncomfortable for many women and generally not good for your health would be socially required.</p>
<p>You could be dressy with patent leather flats or flats with little bit more detail, whether ballerina or sandal. You may even try wedge with heels, the incline is not as severe. I also find 1 inch heels very comfortable. I used to think all high heels are uncomfortable, but if the heel is placed at the right location to give you enough support then they could be very comfortable. With high heels, it’s also important to have the front constructed in such a way when you push your weight to the front there is enough support. There is a science to it. My husband’s family used to own a high end European shoe store.</p>
<p>TxK, I am mid-40s, in a profession when I sometimes have to dress in a suit/tailored dress, other times in “business casual”. I wear flats as often as possible. For when I am in a dress/suit, I have heels, but they are lllooowww heels (about an inch). I also own a couple of open toed, strap back shoes for things like weddings or fancy dinners out, but they also have only one inch heels. I reasonably tall (5’9"), and also just hate uncomfortable shoes. I also stay away from pointy toes, they also hurt my feet. Life is way too short to wear uncomfortable shoes! It takes some shopping, but you can do fine in life without wearing high heels.</p>
<p>TwistedxKiss -</p>
<p>I think many people assume that wearing high heels is an easy way to dress up an otherwise less dressy outfit. But you are correct, there are many beautiful flats that will do the same thing. </p>
<p>I’m glad that there are more heel options than there were years ago, and there are generally fewer hard fast rules about wardrobe.</p>
<p>I have a condition that causes the balls of my feet to feel like they are being ground into the floor and makes my toes go numb just from not wearing shoes inside the house, I always have to wear padded slippers with a thick sole on uncarpeted floors. As you might imagine heels drastically exacerbate the issue. I wore like a little kitten heel to homecoming once in high school and had to be carried out. Not to mention that I have bunions anyway, so heels are pretty much designed specifically to exclude me. XD</p>
<p>I have these in black: <a href=“http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/womens/shoes/flats/PRD~c10374/Croft+and+Barrow+Kerri+Ballet+Flats.jsp[/url]”>http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/womens/shoes/flats/PRD~c10374/Croft+and+Barrow+Kerri+Ballet+Flats.jsp</a>, which is what I have been wearing to work with my suit and to interviews. I should probably keep my eye out for something dressier should an occasion for them come up, I hate rushing to find something in time for an event.</p>
<p>A pair of high-heeled boots (decades ago) left me with bunions. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but if there is a tendency in the family to develop bunions, young women should avoid high heels. Too bad if someone else doesn’t think they are dressy.</p>
<p>I just noticed this discussion. Here in Portland (Oregon), I’m not sure restaurants <em>have</em> dress codes. I think it’s the “must wear shirt and shoes” requirement and that’s about it. I must say that I think it’s the responsibility of a restaurant to be clear about their rules–if they have them–but I think that in this business climate, having too many rules is an invitation to losing money. Perhaps people who dress poorly can just be asked to sit at the dark corner table near the kitchen.</p>
<p>Of course, around here, I’m not sure there are places where the patrons are expected to “dress up”. My daughter, who worked for the Portland Opera a while back, tells me that even there, dress ranged from “northwest tux” (clean jeans and a freshly pressed flannel shirt) to nice suits and ties.</p>
<p>I can’t help feeling like I’ve read this same thread many times over at Cruisecritic regarding formal dinner wear! There are the exact same arguments on both sides of the issue. I believe that dressing up enhances my experience; adds to the ambience and makes it a more of an event instead of just a meal. If the tables are all dressed up with tablecloths and nice china, I want to match! (No, I don’t wear a tablecloth.) If people don’t dress up for fine dining and theater, when if ever do they dress up? New Year’s Eve? Although we went to a play (in Chicago) on NYE two years ago and the dress ranged from sequins to jeans.</p>
<p>“If people don’t dress up for fine dining and theater, when if ever do they dress up?”</p>
<p>Should people dress up? Why? Isn’t that just another industry persuading us we need stuff that we don’t really need? </p>
<p>(I’m only slightly serious. But I’d rather people bought the theater tickets than not go because they don’t have “nice enough clothing”.)</p>
<p>I stopped going on Norwegian cruise because of their Freestyle cruise. If I wanted to see people in shorts and t-shirts(some people didn’t even bother to shower, straight from the pool to dinner) every night, I could have stayed home. I was absolutely shocked.</p>
<p>It used to be special with air travel too, and people used to get dressed. Now it’s like cattle drive. Sometimes when people are not dressed, civility seem also go out the window too.</p>
<p>^^ Old fort…</p>
<p>I hate to sound morbid, but I always dress for a flight in clothes that will allow me to survive an airplane crash or exit an airplane quickly. This means sneakers or shoes without a heel (something that would puncture a raft), clothes that would allow me to move quickly- not too tight and constricting or so loose that would catch on anything.</p>
<p>And yes, I also count the rows in front and behind me that leads to an exit.</p>