@recougar , Here are a few tips from a NC parent who just shepherded a son (2020) through this process.
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NC has great public universities not named UNC and NCSU. I understand the shock of realizing you probably won’t be accepted at one of those two. I understand the initial disappointment you may feel at realizing your future probably lies in Charlotte or Boone or Greenville or Greensboro. But now it’s time for you to put on your big boy (or big girl) pants and research just how good each of those schools are. Research the outcomes for CS graduates at each. Speaking of that …
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Computer Science is a very valuable degree. There is no rule that says you have to graduate from a state flagship (or 2nd flagship) to have a successful career with a CS degree. It certainly doesn’t make sense to waste money trying to attend an OOS flagship just because it has greater name recognition to you and your peers. However, if your family can spend an extra $80K over 4 years and not miss it, don’t worry about the extra money - just go where you want.
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When looking for merit money from OOS public universities, there are three almost universals. A)You will need fantastic stats to earn enough merit to be comparable to in-state NC tuition. Stats, that if you had them, would probably get you into NCSU or UNC in the first place. B)These schools are not in places where you’re probably hoping to go. Not UGA, not VaTech, not UVA, not UT, not UCLA, not UW, not Penn State, not UMd. C)Most of the more realistic merit options for your stats will probably be at OOS non-flagships, which brings you to question of would you rather attend UNC-Charlotte or spend more money to attend U of South Alabama?
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If your stats are just shy of getting you into UNC/NCSU, maybe they’re high enough to get good merit aid from a private college. It won’t be a private college with easy name recognition like Wake Forest or University of Miami. It likely won’t have 30K students like NCSU or UGA, but many kids don’t want to go to a school that big anyway. There probably won’t be huge football games or televised basketball games. Even with merit, it will still cost 1.5 to twice as much as attending a NC public university.
I know recent graduates of about 10-13 different public NC universities, from Charlotte to A&T to Chapel Hill to Greenville and many others, and EVERY ONE of them loved their college experiences. You probably will too.
At one point early in the college search process, my son also said “I want to go to a school where I think I already that I’ll love it - NCSU or UGA or VaTech or FlState - not one of these other schools.” Now that he’s nearing the end of his first semester at one of these “other” schools, he’s loving every minute of it. Heck, he loves it so much, I’m going to have to force him to leave campus for the semester break. You will most likely love wherever you end up, too.
TLDR; unless your family is wealthy skip the dreams of OOS publics, take a flyer on three or four privates you like after you research them, embrace and apply to at least 4 instate options in addition to UNC/NCSU.
Good luck.