This feels critical to me, and also not trivial. Like it takes some self-knowledge, independence, maturity, and so on, perhaps in measures somewhat unusual for kids the ages we are talking about.
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I think some kids are just faster at reading/comprehension etc. I have one kid in varsity sport who can do 5 APs and honors class and get A/A+ but I think it still comes with sacrifice with what their ECs look like. If you are spending time on a sport (that is not recruitable) you just don’t have time to also be top notch researcher or debater or volunteer etc. There is just so many hours in a day..
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It does take a level of maturity to know your limits, but I also know that my kids were “encouraged”/ pressured to become officers, in clubs, or to start new clubs. None of mine did that because they really just didn’t want to.
Our eldest thought that she was being “used” by some of her classmates.
These classmates wanted to start “new clubs”, but wanted to throw the workload on her.
She complained that some kids “boss you around ”, but never did the work. Her experiences came from NHS activities.
So she didn’t join any on-campus clubs and didn’t recommend them to her younger sister or brother.
Our son participated in academic bowl and had no interest in NHS. He was warned by his sister not to join campus clubs that weren’t “legitimate”. He did help out his friends who needed him at times. But he didn’t become a part of the club.
Our middle daughter was “required” to help out the marching band because the student leader complained to the principal, who then approached the Orchestra teacher, to volunteer the orchestra.
The orchestra set up a snack bar for a regional event. That’s the only time she had a commitment to a campus club.
She was a member of the national honor Society but she remembered her sister‘s warning and noticed who the worker bees were. She avoided campus clubs and knew that they were a large time commitment.
Not saying that anyone should avoid a campus club, but I am saying that you have to be careful to not overextend yourself. I really do think the kids at those levels, know their time commitments.
I’ve met too many kids who feel uncomfortable with doing absolutely nothing. And being alone with themselves.
They don’t know enough about what they really want because they haven’t been given the opportunity to explore on their own–their day is so programmed with “have to do, should do” that they haven’t found the “want to do”.
Down time needs to be deemed as necessary as that extra sport to find what’s really important. That takes independent exploration.
Sometimes parents are part of that equation. “My kid LOVES (fill in the blank)!”
“We spend every weekend at the game/competitions/shows!” “Hopefully it’ll look wonderful on that super special college app!” “But we wouldn’t do it if they didn’t want to..”
(Yeah, right.)
I was disappointed when my son declared he didn’t want to do Boy Scouts any longer.
Heck, I had visions of Eagle Scout in my head when he got in a new troop.
Why? “I don’t need any more nagging in my life.”
Can’t argue with that! Discussion over.
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